Trapped in an ethereal plain in a dimension outside of the human reality, it was impossible to conduct this interview face to face with The 4th Dynmension’s supremo Geoffrey Manboob (GM). Therefore, resident Dynabowl beat writer Jaunty Coving (JC) had to conduct the interview through disgraced local Sheffield psychic, Alain C’Untface (AC).
“Fill me up.”
JC: Good Morning Alain, are you ready to start? How does this work?
AC: Ah, Jaunty. Let me light these candles and we can get started. Close the curtains, would you old thing and we can begin.
AC: I’m starting to sense a presence. Hello? Spirits of the afterlife, do you hear me? I mean you no harm. I have come to speak with the one they call Manboob. Geoffrey, are you there? Let me be your vessel to our reality. Speak through me!
JC: Is it working?
AC: I can feel you Geoffrey. Come deep inside me. Fill me up. Let us become one.
AC starts convulsing violently, writhing around on the floor. Suddenly he stops and sits up still.
GM: Hello Dave.
JC: Mr Manboob, is that you?
GM: Yes Dave, it is I.
JC: Well shall we begin?
“I can count up to 50.”
JC: How do you feel your experience in the Chatterbowl has helped you coming into the DynaBowl?
GM: Look, the Chatterbowl and DynaBowl are completely different beasts. It’s like comparing oranges with… blood oranges. What I do have is a wealth of experience following the game (circa 25 years) and a real love of all things defensive. Having said that I have shown in the Chatterbowl that I can successfully tank and trade away anyone for future draft picks. The “Dynasty of Sadness” will always be building for the future and about two seasons away from a great roster.
JC: You’ve developed something of a bitter rivalry with David Slater [GM of the Dynasore Losers]. Are you looking forward to renewing the rivalry twice a year?
GM: It’s appropriate that D-Slatz is a Jets fan because green is certainly a colour that suits him. I’m not a massive fan of jealousy, but I admire that it’s a trait he has in spades (that and flouncing out of the huddle). I’m happy that I’m able to inspire him to reach the dizzying heights of mediocrity. In doing that at least I’m also helping the league improve. Literally dragging him up by his boot straps.
What Would Jason Campbell Do?
JC: How are the auction preparations coming along? The dynasty auction is very different from the drafts you’ve previously been involved in.
GM: Pretty well, Dave. I’ve checked and I can count up to 50 so I’m well ahead of at least half of the league in that respect. It’s building momentum so I’ll be ready come draft day.
JC: And do you have any specific players you are looking to sign to the roster?
GM: Skill positions are going to be key so don’t be surprised if I grab 2 punters and 2 kickers with my first 4 picks. Having said that, Jason Campbell sits top of my draft board. Only a fool wouldn’t have him there
JC: What’s a realistic goal for your team this season?
GM: Tank and tank hard. We’ll sink quicker than a Korean ferry.
Chopsticks + Wildcard = Danger
JC: You’ve been appointed Deputy Commissioner for the league, are you excited about the possibilities that this brings? Do you think it calls into question the judgement of Commissioner Benjamin Hendy?
GM: “Bendy” clearly has terrible judgement, look at the rabble he’s recruited for this league. However, I’m sure we’ll work well in tandem to mete out swift justice to those who play against the rule. I will literally be the iron fist to his velvet glove.
JC: Who do you think is the most dangerous coach out there?
GM: Rumour has it that Chris is a member of the KKK, so he has to be up there. Mark is 1/8th Native American and I’ve seen him catch a fly with some chopsticks. Phil is definitely the wildcard. All three are a danger to themselves and probably anyone else in their vicinity.
JC: And finally, do you have any specific messages for the rest of the league prior to the auction?
GM: Dave, would you like to buy some pegs?
JC: Geoffrey Manboob, thank you for your time. It’s been an absolute pleasure.
GM: Thank you Dave, you’re my wife now… Give me your ring!