Tag: Dynablaster Bombermen

Mock Draft 2.0 – DSlatz Stat Attackz Version

D-Slatz takes his turn analysing team needs and picking the first 31 men off the board.

1. DynaHard – needs QB, RB3, WR2, TE, S.
Picks 1, 11, 22, 32, 42, 45, 55, 56, 66

DynaHard’s biggest need is at TE, where the current options are beyond uninspiring. Finding the right tight end might be tricky though with no particularly stand out options. The 32nd pick might be the right time to take a gamble on whichever tight end the Saints grab in the middle rounds. If the best tight-end lands in a decent situation, this would be a solid pick.
Similarly, a potential top 3 QB would upgrade the roster significantly, but QBs need time. Winston is the better pocket passer and better NFL QB, if he’s available at 11 then he’d be a great pick up. If not Mariota should be available and would be worth considering, particularly if someone like San Diego trades up to get him. Garret Grayson with a late pick may offer a nice risk/reward option if he lands somewhere he can play, such as Buffalo, and will probably be available with a late pick (50+).
Antonio Brown is a clear number one receiver, but after him Edelman and Watkins are below-average second receivers. Watkins showed flashes and definitely has room to improve, but he’s got a run-happy coach and a terrible QB, so there is no guarantee that improvement will come any time soon. Given the league’s increasingly pass-happy direction and the ability of rookie receivers to make an impact almost immediately, taking the best WR is the ideal use of the #1 pick. Cooper should land at the Raiders with a young QB who showed plenty of promise last year, but if White ends up with the Giants or Chicago, he’d surely be the better selection of the two.
The Running Back position is intriguing. Given the cap situation Charles could be a casualty if the right offer is made, if he is, that makes the RB position a definite need, but currently Charles and Morris represent a fine 1 / 2 combination and with Mathews, Randle/Dunbar and Sankey on the roster a solid RB3 option could easily develop. If the intention is to trade, Gurley would be another option with the top pick, however rookie RBs have generally struggled, and highly touted young RBs have struggled to make either an immediate or extended impact. In what looks like a deep and talented RB class, mid-round picks like TJ Yeldon and Tevin Coleman could easily land in good situations and have immediate impacts, and would offer great value if they can be got with the 32nd, 42nd or 45th picks.

2. Dynasty of Sadness – needs QB?, RB1, TE, DE, DT, LB2.
Picks 2, 12, 15, 23, 33, 43, 57, 67

If Carolina can do a better job of protecting Cam and letting him make plays he should turn back into a top 10 QB. In that situation, this is a lower need position that could be filled with a late round flier on Hundley, or possibly with Mariota at 15 if he’s still available.
The most pressing need is at RB, and going to the well twice for Gurley / Gordon in the first round and Jay Ajayi in the second is definitely an option. While wide receiver isn’t a need, there’s a definite temptation to pick the best WR available as they may well be the best and most reliable pick you could make in the first round.
There really isn’t a great tight end option, and a mid-round pick based on the situation a developmental TE finds themselves in might be a better option than spending a high pick on the ‘best’ Tight End.
Williams is not necessarily seen as a top, top tier talent at DE, but is the best defender in the draft and would represent a solid long-term option at DE, even if he ends up a Titan. He could be an option with the #2 pick, but it would probably be a bit of a reach given the need at RB. There is so much depth among the end position that potentially good options like Eli Harold, Preston Smith or Alvin Dupree will be available later in the draft and it may be better to look for a slightly worse player who lands in a great situation to play early and often. If Shane Ray or Dante Fowler is still around in the middle of the second round, they’d be great pick ups.
Danny Shelton at DT is also a potential second round option, but it’s a pretty deep draft for tackles, and someone like Arik Armistead who has all the physical tools to play the position if he can land with a coach, like Tomsula or Ryan, who can help him piece it together would represent great value in the late rounds.
It’s not a great draft for safeties, but that may not prevent the Dynasty spending their top pick on one.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – needs RB2, WR1/2, DE1, LB3, S.
Picks 3, 13, 21, 34, 47, 58, 68

The Dungeoneers have reloaded well in free agency, but there just aren’t the options to get a great receiver in free agency, and likely won’t be soon. That means that the draft is the best way to find an elite receiver. Ideally the Dungeoneers would look to trade everything to get back into the top of the first round and take both White and Cooper at 3 and 4 and expect one of them to become an elite receiver. However that seems unlikely to happen, so taking whichever one of White or Cooper is left at 3 seems like an obvious selection. DeVante Parker, Dorial Beckham-Green aren’t likely to be around by the second round, but if they are they represent good value. At least one of Jalen Strong, Breshad Perriman, Phillip Dorsett and Devin Smith will be though, and all have the potential to develop into a good second WR option in the right situation.
With Forsett in place, the need at RB is not as bad as it is at WR, but should both Cooper and White go in the first two picks, Gurley would be tough to pass up. Melvin Gordon will likely be available, but a later round pick such as Yeldon or Coleman probably represents better value.
Defensive End is a deep position to draft from, and with the needs on offence it would be a surprise to see Leonard Williams go this high. Similarly spending a second round pick on Gregory or Ray is a stretch unless the receiver options have been decimated. Better to look in the later rounds at a player with breakout potential. Nate Orchard had a great 2014, and has potential to be a late round steal and Markus Golden has bags of talent but will drop down the NFL draft due to injuries which slowed him down last year and should be available at 50+.
Safety is a need, but frankly the safety option in this year’s draft are poor with Landon Collins possibly the only safety to go in the first round. Byron Jones might be the best athlete, although he may end up an NFL corner. He should be available somewhere after the 30th pick.

4. Tamworth Two – needs WR1, TE, DE1, LB1, CB1, S1.
Picks 4, 14, 25, 35, 48, 59, 69

Tamworth Two have a lot of almost players lurking at 10th to 15th at their positions, and it wouldn’t be a shock to see some of them improve next year.
The biggest need on the roster is an elite wide receiver, and if Cooper or White drops here they should be a nailed on selection. If they don’t things get a little murkier as there is no talent on the defensive side of the ball worthy of the 4th pick.
Dorial Green-Beckham is an option, he represents a risk with his disciplinary issues in college, but there’s no doubt he’s one of the three most talented athletes at his position in this draft. He could have a Beckham Jr. level of impact if he finds a good fit. DaVante Parker is another option. Slightly less talented, but he represents a safer bet than DGB and is clearly the next best safe selection at receiver after Cooper and White. He doesn’t necessarily project as a potential WR1 thought. A lot will depend on who lands where, as nobody wants to draft the talented receiver who the Browns are expected to draft high in the first and inevitably ruin.
The need at Defensive End is intriguing. Both Dante Fowler Jr and Leonard Williams are options. It seems high for a defensive player, but they fill a need for this team and could develop into great #1 options at either DE or LB. However Randy Gregory, Shane Ray should be available in the second round and represent better value.
This team doesn’t need running backs particularly, as long as Lesean McCoy does better in Buffalo than his last year in Philly. However if Gurley were to fall he may be a tough player to pass on.
If Trey Waynes is available at 25 it’d be tough to pass him up. Failing that the needs at CB and safety can be filled in the later rounds with someone like Jalen Collins or Marcus Peters. Talented players who’ll be taken relatively high in the NFL draft.

5. Champions of the Sun – needs QB?, RB2/3, WR3.
Picks 9, 26, 40, 46, 49, 60, 70

Champions of the Sun have used their draft capital aggressively to fill needs in trades and free agency, leaving only 1 pick in the top 20, but a shortage of clear needs.
If Gordon falls to 9 he’d be a solid pick, it’s almost certain Gurley won’t make it this far. A good depth receiver with potential is the most likely pick though with the #9 selection. Cooper, White, Parker and DGB will all be gone almost certainly, but there should be at worst a couple of Jalen Strong, Breshad Perriman, Phillip Dorsett and Devin Smith to select from. A late round flyer on Brandin Cooks-like diminutive flier Tyler Lockett might also be an option, and while there’s legitimate concerns over Devin Funchess’s ability to create separation with his complete lack of speed, there is no doubting the 6’4 receivers hands or ability to create mismatch nightmares with his size.
It would be a reach for a running back other than Gordon at this point, but given the next pick would be the 26th, a reach for Jay Ajayi might be an option. A later round selection, such as a David Johnson is also an option at running back. Unless he lands in a particularly good RB situation Johnson is at best going to compete for a spot in camp, but he has the talent to make a starting job his own with the right franchise and could be a real find in the later rounds of the Dynabowl draft.
One intriguing option for the inaccurately-named Champions is at QB. Mariota or Winston could be available at 9, and while there’s been a reasonable investment in Roethlisberger, last season was an outlier in terms of fantasy production. A potential franchise QB to replace an aging Big Ben would be hard to pass up given the relative health of the overall roster.

6. Dynablaster Bombermen – needs ‘elite’ players.
Picks 6, 16, 20, 37, 44, 50, 53, 61, 62, 71

There is no position that jumps out from the Bombermen’s roster as having gaps or needs. They’ve solid top ten options in most positions, and good solid depth behind those players. What does strike me when I look through their performance though is the lack of elite talent in most positions. Aside from AJ Green, who’s 2014 showing is likely a blip caused by injuries there’s no elite talent. That should be the main aim for the Bombermen in this draft. Three picks in the top 20 definitely helps, but Cooper, White and Gurley represent the best three options in the draft in terms of potential to become elite players. It’s unlikely any of them make it to the 6th selection.
With a lot of draft capital, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility for the Bombermen to trade up or into next year’s draft instead. However, assuming that doesn’t happen they’re best off looking for the risk/reward players who have the potential to provide them an elite pay-off. The best example of this is Dorial Green-Beckham, and it would be a surprise both if he didn’t make it to the 6th selection and if the Bombermen passed on him in that position.
One option for the Bombermen is at QB. Ryan is a good QB, reliable and effective. He’s also playing for a poor Falcons team and had two below average (with only 10 QBs, anything below 6th is below average) seasons. If the GMs at Bomberman HQ feel Mariota or Winston has elite potential they’d be an option at 6, and a real selection headache at 16.
David Cobb has been a productive runner in Minnesota, and answered some doubts with a good showing in the Senior Bowl, his ability to handle a big workload could make him a potential lead back somewhere in the NFL, and that makes him a tempting selection in the mid to late rounds.

7. Kelkowski Don’t Play by No Dyna Rules – needs QB, TE?, DT, LB1, CB2.
Picks 7, 17, 28, 38, 51, 72

The biggest needs for Kelkowski is easily the lack of a franchise QB. They could also use a tight end and options on defence.
With the tight end options slim, and neither DTs nor LBs offering value in the first round Kelkowski should definitely look to take one of the two top QBs in the draft. Maxx Williams is the best Tight End, and while not an outstanding talent, he might be around in the second round, and while that’s a reach, he might represent a reasonable gamble at that point, if Shelton and Brown have gone.
It’s not impossible, but it is unlikely that someone gets ahead of Kelkowski on the tackle front, and both Malcolm Brown and Danny Shelton project as first round tackles in the NFL draft. One of these, or possibly Dante Fowler, Shane Ray or Vic Beasley in the second round, and maybe even again in the third would definitely fill roster holes and have potential to develop into a great weapon on the defensive side of the ball.
In a reasonably deep and hard to call cornerback draft, Waynes might be available at 28, or a later selection in the last two or three rounds should pick up a good prospect at a tough position to predict.

8. DynaSore Losers – needs QB?, RB2, WR3, DT, CB.
Picks 8, 18, 29, 39, 52, 63, 73

The Losers needs are hard to call with a few question marks on positions. Dalton and Carr represent options if Manning falls apart, but neither looks likely to develop and replace Manning’s elite production. Mariota or Winston could therefore be an option with the 8th pick, and certainly with the 18th if they haven’t been taken.
The Running back position should be OK with Peterson and Forte, but they are aging. Gordon would be tough to pass over if he hasn’t been taken, otherwise a later round option would be better.
The biggest need on the roster is at tackle, and Danny Shelton is a definite option in the second round, with Malcolm Brown possibly available in the third.
Another option in the first round is to go with a wide receiver. Nelson is a stud, but Sanders may struggle if Manning does, and who knows how Torrey Smith will do in San Francisco. DaVante Parker and DGB may well be gone, if not they’d be good value here. The next tier of talent (Strong, Perriman, Dorsett, Smith) should be available, but they aren’t the easiest to separate. The best of them will probably be a good WR2 / 3, but knowing who that will be is the challenge and the gamble on making that call might not represent good value.
Leonard Williams may easily fall this far, and while DE is not a necessity, his talent makes him a great option at #8.
The need at corner can be addressed later in the draft, as there’s plenty of good options in the first few rounds.

9. Here Comes The Brees – needs RB, WR, DE, DT, LB, CB2?, S.
Picks 5, 19, 24, 30, 36, 64, 74

The Brees have a lot of holes on the roster, without an elite receiver, or running back after failing to tie down Forsett for the long-term. They lack talent across the whole defence, and Leonard Williams and Dante Fowler Jr will likely be available at 5. That would be a stretch though with the holes on offence.
With Gurley, Cooper and White likely gone by this point DeVante Parker and Melvin Gordon are the two most obvious picks at 5. The risk associated with DGB probably isn’t worthwhile for a team with so many holes, even if he is available. Parker might be the lesser talent and probably doesn’t project as a WR1, but he is the more reliable selection.
If any of Strong, Perriman, Dorsett, Smith or Ajayi make it to the depths of the second round, they’d be hard to pass up. However that seems unlikely, and the next tier of talent at the WR position is probably not worth the reach with so much defensive talent available. Picks 19, 24 and 30 provide an opportunity to net a couple of players from the pool of great defenders such as Brown, Shelton, Ray, Gregory and Beasley and that sort of solid rebuilding would be a great return for a roster with so many holes.

10. DynaForOne Firebirds – needs DE1, LB, CB, S.
Picks 10, 27, 31, 41, 54, 65, 75

No surprise to see the champions roster in relatively good shape, particularly offensively. The Firebirds could reload their offence with some good prospects to provide depth and trade bait, but they do have clear needs on defence. Leonard Williams may not survive the first round to be available, but the teams picking 1-5 will have better options for their picks and the teams picking 6-9 have less need for an elite DE. If he falls past to the Tamworth Two, it’s like Williams falls all the way to the Firebirds. Failing that, Dante Fowler Jr is the best player at a position of need, and the Jacksonville defence is not a place fantasy players go to die, as Senderrick Marks has demonstrated.
With no second round pick, the next pick is probably likely to miss out on Ray, Gregory, Beasley or one of the other potentially elite pass rushers. Lorenzo Mauldin is a bit of a project who needs to bulk up a little to succeed in the NFL, and he might make a decent mid-round pick for a Dynabowl team who have the opportunity to be patient.

1.01 1 Dyna Hard Amari Cooper, WR
1.02 2 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Todd Gurley, RB
1.03 3 East Flanders Dungeoneers Kevin White, WR
1.04 4 Tamworth Two Dorial Green-Beckham, WR
1.05 5 Here Comes The Brees DaVante Parker, WR
1.06 6 Dynablaster Bombermen Melvin Gordon, RB
1.07 7 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules Jameis Winston, QB
1.08 8 Dynasore Losers Marcus Mariota, QB
1.09 9 Champions of the Sun Philip Dorsett, WR
1.10 10 DynaForOne Firebirds Leonard Williams, DE
2.01 11 Dyna Hard Jay Ajayi, RB
2.02 12 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Dante Fowler Jr, LB
2.03 13 East Flanders Dungeoneers Jalen Strong, WR
2.04 14 Tamworth Two Vic Beasley, LB
2.05 15 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Danny Shelton, DT
2.06 16 Dynablaster Bombermen Breshad Perriman, WR
2.07 17 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules Maxx Williams, TE
2.08 18 Dynasore Losers Devin Smith, WR
2.09 19 Here Comes The Brees Shane Ray, DE
2.10 20 Dynablaster Bombermen Randy Gregory, LB
2.11 21 East Flanders Dungeoneers Telvin Coleman, RB
3.01 22 Dyna Hard Trey Waynes, CB
3.02 23 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Malcom Brown, DT
3.03 24 Here Comes The Brees AJ Yeldon, RB
3.04 25 Tamworth Two Alvin Dupree, LB
3.05 26 Champions of the Sun Brett Hundley, QB
3.06 27 DynaForOne Firebirds Bud Dupree, LB
3.07 28 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules Eli Harold, LB
3.08 29 Dynasore Losers Arik Armistead, DT
3.09 30 Here Comes The Brees Duke Johnson, RB
3.10 31 DynaForOne Firebirds Marcus Peters, CB

 

Mock Draft 1.0

So we’re only 2 weeks and 3 days away from the beginning of the draft. The NFL draft that is. We’re still over 2 months from the DynaBowl draft or, as we like to call it, the main event.

Anyway, given we have no idea where the rookies are going – something that will have a large impact on the desirability of some players, I mean, do you want to draft a Cleveland Brown? – it seems like the ideal time to have some wild stabs in the dark as to who will select which player when.

First up to the plate (nothing like mixing our American sports, it’s Dyna Hard.

FIRST ROUND

1. Dyna Hard – Todd Gurley – RB

The consensus top prospect and Dyna Hard doesn’t buck the trend. Sure, Jamaal Charles and Alfred Morris are already in town, but Charles won’t last forever – rumour has it Hard are willing to trade him and given his cap hit that’s not surprising – and depth at RB is always good. It’s a limited position and Gurley is a great prospect. That said, don’t rule out Hard moving down in the draft to cut a precious few dollars from the rookie cap hit, perhaps storing up picks for 2016.

2. The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness – Melvin Gordon – RB

This was a difficult call. DoS are weak all over the pitch, barring a couple of big stars at WR in Bryant and OBJ. Perhaps the thought will be trying to find a third big star at WR to possibly create the most fearsome receiving corps in the league, but with such little talent at RB, Gordon seems too good an option to pass up. Again, moving back to try and accumulate picks isn’t out of the question if DoS see the right offer coming in.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – Kevin White – WR

The Dungeoneers have quietly built an impressive running back stable so would most likely pass on the top two prospects even if one of them fell this low. No, WR is where the need is, a position where ‘underperformance’ was the new ‘performance’ in 2014. White did himself plenty of favours with the watching public at the combine and leapt up plenty of draft boards, and I’m willing to bet that the Dungeoneers’ was one of them.

4. Tamworth Two – Devante Parker – WR

Tamworth may like the idea of jumping up a couple of slots to pick up a RB now that McCoy and Jackson are in the same town, but with Jeffrey, Landry and Wallace as the top 3 WRs, they may fancy staying put and taking their favoured player. If only one WR is off the board, Tamworth should be happy. The conventional move would be to go for Cooper, but he’s been slipping on boards recently and with the DynaBowl being a non-PPR league he loses further shine. Add to that the possibility of Cooper landing in Cleveland and you have a perfect storm for a player dropping like a stone. Parker is a great prospect, don’t get me wrong, and Tamworth will be delighted to get their man.

5. Her Comes The Brees – Leonard Williams – DE

Having sold defensive playmaker Marcell Dareus to move up to this position (along with gaining DeSean Jackson and a swap up in the 4th too), the Brees take Williams who they hope will prove to be a JJ Watt-style outlier. People have called Williams the best player in the draft, but he’s been taking some knocks recently. This is a gamble but if it pays off it could help the Brees back to the Bowl.

6. Dynablaster Bombermen – Amari Cooper – WR

A relative no-brainer for the Bombermen, Cooper is the best prospect left on the board and one the Bombermen will be surprised is still available. Given the depth of young WR talent on the Bombermen roster, this may be a case of reluctantly taking a player though. If Cooper falls this low, don’t be surprised if they try to move down, cashing in the pick to a more WR-needy team.

7. Kelkowski… – Jameis Winston – QB

With only QBs of either questionable health or questionable talent on the books, Kelkowski decide to take a chance on one with questionable character instead. Having missed out on the top tier of talent and with good depth at both RB and WR, they see this as a great spot to lock up a franchise QB who might live through a season without being terrible.

8. Dynasore Losers – Dorial Green-Beckham – WR

This was a tough call. The Losers are a candidate to move up to grab a player of their choice – a RB might be desirable but with AP surely coming back and Matt Forte still going strong, depth at WR seems more important. After Jordy Nelson things are shaky – Peyton fell away and points dried up for Sanders, Gordon may not play again, Torrey Smith is going to try to catch balls from Colin Kaepernick. DGB is a risk but with the right landing spot could turn out to be a beast.

9. Champions of the Sun – Breshad Perriman – WR

On a name basis, this was a candidate for Kelkowski. The fastest WR at the combine has caught the eye of the Champions (not to be confused with the champions, who pick at 10). The Champions will also be tempted by the backs but with McKinnon and Spiller both looking to build in newly won positions or at new teams, the depth should be enough.

10. DynaForOne Firebirds – Dante Fowler – DE

Some people think he’ll go before Williams and could be just as disruptive a defensive player. The Firebirds are stacked at WR and with Lynch and Anderson at RB take the risk at getting a 10-year, top 10 player at his position. Or that’s what they hope. The offence was a beast last year, this pick could give the defense the same kick.

SECOND ROUND

1. Dyna Hard – Danny Shelton – DT

Hard would really like a WR here but the value has gone from that market and having gone RB early they’re not looking to take another. Instead they look to the top tackle in the draft to pair with JJ Watt. If this scenario were to happen, expect the Hards to be very keen to trade back for a WR.

2. DoS – Ameer Abdullah – RB

The Sadness, on the other hand, are happy to take a second RB, bolstering their numbers. It’s a case of BPA from here on in.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – Marcus Mariota – QB

The Dungeoneers might be keen to trade up to make sure they get their man, should Winston go as early as projected here. Brees, Foles and Osweiler are not a happy group and Mariota would certainly put a smile on coach Conaghan’s face.

4. Tamworth Two – Jay Ajayi – RB

They got their WR in the first round and they’re happy to pick up a player who many projected to go in the first round here to fill up their RB corps.

5. DoS – Devin Funchess – WR

Having gorged himself on two RBs, GM Geoffrey Manboob has Funchess for dessert, and very happy with his first two rounds he is too.

6. Bombermen – Shane Ray – DE

Having taken a WR they didn’t really need, now they take a defensive end they really could use. Cameron Wake isn’t getting any younger and Mario Williams will be expensive to extend. Ray might soothe the blow.

7. Kelkowski – Vic Beasley – LB

They may have about 15 men on the roster competing for 3 or 4 starting LB spots, but only one, maybe two, are up to Beasley’s standard – if that. Beasley can be a difference maker and sack machine in the right landing spot. Will Kelkowski be that spot?

8. Losers – Tevin Coleman – RB

They got a receiver in the first round so are happy to go the other way and take a back here. Coleman is the best man left on the board. But not for long.

9. Here Comes The Brees – Nelson Agholor – WR

The player I want to call Agbonlahor is the best receiver on the board and the man the Brees were targeting from the beginning. They’ve met with Nelson several times and have been rumoured to have been paying him through his college years. This is a lock, if nothing else on this board is.

10. Bombermen – TJ Yeldon – RB

The Bombermen end up with a receiver, a defender and a back from their first three picks and are pretty happy about it.

Alas, Smith and Phones

Dan Smith has a very fortunate position in the world of the DynaBowl, which in some way balances out his unfortunate position in the real world, living in the wilds of Canada as he does. Unfortunately his remote location means that a face to face interview was not possible – they barely have electricity where Dan is, let alone a runway. Instead we are forced to carry out our interview over the crackliest of telegraph wires which may have led to some miscommunications, but hopefully I’ve managed to salvage a meaningful conversation from the electronic wreckage.

NB: Wherever I am unclear about what was said I have entered my interpretation of the conversation in [square brackets]. This may not reflect Smith’s original intent.

Ottawa's telephone, yesterday
Ottawa’s telephone, yesterday

I start by asking him about that stroke of great fortune he had in teaming up with Benjamin Hendy, the Commissioner of the DynaBowl league, the man who wrote the rulebook and the man with whom he co-runs the Dynablaster Bombermen. How will the dynamic work between them?

A: “Well, he wrote the rules so I see him handling most of the [cheating]. I’m more of a gut feeling type of guy who will just suggest stupid things that ensure we go out in the first round of the playoffs.”

Q: And have you had any hand in the rules?

A: “I haven’t had a hand in the rules, as quite frankly I am as baffled by them as [any fluent speaker of the English language would be].”

Q: So was there anything you’re cursing Hendy for missing out?

A: “[Basic literacy]? Seriously though, it would have been nice if the auction could have been held somewhere less accessible like beautiful Ottawa.”

Q: After the first year of the Chatterbowl this might have seemed like a dream pairing, with you and Hendy both making a bit of a run for the title, but Hendy really regressed in year two while you continued to excel. Are you worried he might drag you down?

A: “Well I may have gotten lucky a couple of years running but the fact that I couldn’t push on to at least the final suggests something is missing. I’m hoping that Hendy will add his special sauce that turns us into the Big Mac of Fantasy Football. Or a Whopper at the very least.”

Q: Now, being based over in North America, does that give you a strategic advantage, being closer to the action?

A: “I hope not, otherwise I should be doing a hell of a lot better than I have been. I do get to watch more games live but with the internet, [everybody’s ahead of me. My television only shows games in black and white, I can barely tell the sides apart].

Q: Are there disadvantages to the location? The CFL runs until November. Will that keep your eye off the pigskin?

A: “While it is true that Ottawa has a CFL team for the first time since 2005, they went and called themselves the “RedBlacks” and I can’t take a team seriously that just names itself after the colour of their uniforms so have sworn off CFL for the foreseeable future. [Moose knuckles on the other hand].”

Q: So what are the key transferables from the Chatterbowl? Where does The DynaBowl differ?

A: “Ultimately there are only two things that are the same in the Chatterbowl and The DynaBowl, the gentlemen [of low moral stature and even lower hygiene] who own the franchises and their cluelessness.”

Q: So what will the key to winning The DynaBowl be?

A: “The key is to tapping into the stupidity of all the other managers and making them do things that are disastrous to their team. Off the top of my head and thinking of nobody in particular, this will include things such as getting someone to buy Drew Brees for [a very reasonable] $300.”

Q: Is there anyone you particularly want to see on your team, once the auction is over and done with?

A: “I could not possibly comment at this time. Although I do really think we should be bidding high on all Saints players.”

Q: Who do you think are the greatest threats are in this league?

A: “The biggest threat to my sanity is probably David. The biggest threat in terms of winning the league is hard to say at this point, as nobody has shown that they actually have the faintest idea of [how to breath with their mouth shut, let alone manage a Dynasty League Football Team].”

Q: Have you suggest any tricks to Hendy to use at the auction? Anything to pull the wool over other owners or psyche them out?

A: “Every one of these answers is a trick.”

Q: Any message for your opposing GMs?

A: “Hey, have some drinks on me! Wait, what’s the exchange rate?”

I tell him.

A: “Hey, buy yourselves some beers, get really drunk and make some bad decisions!”

And with that the operator cuts in to explain that someone else in the province needs to use the phone line now and that our time is up.