Tag: Firebirds

Alternative Uptown Top Ranking the 2014 Season

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Some of you may remember that at the end of the last season of the DynaBowl, when tallying up wins and losses and working out the draft order there was some ‘heated’ debate. I forget who was involved or exactly what the outcome was, aside from Dyna Hard, the 4th top scorers in the league in 2014, getting the first pick in the draft.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Firstly, how did a possible perception of unfairness occur and secondly is there anything that could be done to rectify this?

So, one of the quirks with Fantasy Football is how short the season is and how few games are played in a typical, traditional season. 13 games is not very many. It’s less than are played in the NFL, let alone football, basketball, ice hockey or let alone baseball. As such, it’s really difficult to use the season as a marker of true quality.

This is often noted in NFL, but at least in the NFL your opponent on any given weekend (or Thursday night. Or Monday night) has an impact on how you play your game. In fantasy football it would theoretically be possible to be the second highest scorer every single week and not win a game. Or be the second lowest scorer every week and win every game. Obviously the chances are ludicrously small, but it is just about possible. Therefore a win/loss record doesn’t necessarily reflect the strength of the teams.

Extrapolating from this, not only does it mean that the order the picks are made in could be compromised, but so too could the teams making the playoffs. In theory the best 4 teams should make the playoffs, but in 2014 The Brees made the playoffs despite scoring more regular season points than only 2 teams. Again, this isn’t like the NFL (or the Premier League) where a low scoring team can be successful by having a really good defence. A low scoring team has no control over whether they get beaten or not – it’s entirely based on luck.

In a venture like the ChatterBowl this is less of an issue (to me, at any rate), but the DynaBowl is a comparatively serious endeavour, given the time spent assessing rookies for the draft, assessing the value of contracts, managing the cap etc and so on. Given the time spent on managing teams, shouldn’t we work to reward the best teams rather than leaving it up to luck?

Of course, luck will always be present (as will Luck, the unbreakable man). This can be in the form of a defensive player getting 3 of his 5 sacks in one week or a 90 yard pick 6, or it can be that your opponent loses his bets 3 players to a bye the week you play him. I’m not saying we completely eliminate luck – we couldn’t.

What I am saying is that we should look to ways to reduce it so that the best teams are rewarded and the worst teams get the chance to pick from the new players before everyone else.

“But wait!” I hear you cry, “How much does the schedule really affect the standings?”

With our schedule in 2014, every team ended up with 5, 6, 7 or 8 wins. But complete fluke we were really bunched together. With a random re-arrangement of the fixtures, ensuring that no one played the same team in the same week they had before (so every fixture was new), the first variation I have produced the following results:

Team Wins Losses
Dyna Hard 11 2
Dynasore Losers 10 3
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 9 4
Tamworth Two 7 6
DynaForOne Firebirds 6 7
Dynablaster Bombermen 5 8
Champions of the Sun 5 8
East Flanders Dungeoneers 4 9
Here Comes The Brees 4 9
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 4 9

I promise this was complete fluke that the worst team in 2014 ended up on top with this schedule and The Brees came in second from bottom.

Under this scenario our 2014 champions, DynaForOne Firebirds, didn’t make the cut for the playoffs.

The point of this is merely to say that schedule plays a massive part of success and perhaps we should look to remove that element as best we can.

I’m not saying we should just work on total points or anything like that. We all like the weekly competition. But there may be other options that operate as halfway houses, which are just as fun but more representative. Specifically two other options (with further variations thereon).

OPTION 1 – DOUBLE HEADERS

This is pretty simple. Everyone plays two fixtures a week. That’s it. It just doubles the number of games per season giving you a better chance of producing a record that is more representative of a team’s talent.

So I had the original schedule and the schedule used to create the above standings. Using those templates I just rearranged the order of the teams (so if, in week 1 team 1 played team 2 etc, I just changed who team 1 was and who team 2 was (etc and so on), which then created effectively a new schedule. I then created tables for how the season would have gone with the new double fixture lists. There are several versions to demonstrate how different results would have been, each of which is reproduced  below for illustrative purposes and because I have no limit on space. The first of these tables uses the original schedule and the revised one produced above as the two schedules (I used total points, not head to head, as a tie-breaker, for simplicity):

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 8 10 18 8
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8 9 17 9
Dyna Hard 2396.135 5 11 16 10
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 7 6 13 13
Tamworth Two 2388.085 6 7 13 13
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 7 5 12 14
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 8 4 12 14
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 6 5 11 15
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 5 4 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 5 4 9 17

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 9 10 19 7
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 7 9 16 10
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8 7 15 11
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 8 7 15 11
Tamworth Two 2388.085 5 8 13 13
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 6 7 13 13
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 7 5 12 14
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 5 5 10 16
Dyna Hard 2396.135 6 3 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 4 4 8 18

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 9 8 17 9
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 7.5 9 16.5 9.5
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 7 9 16 10
Dyna Hard 2396.135 7.5 7 14.5 11.5
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 7 7 14 12
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 7 5 12 14
Tamworth Two 2388.085 6 6 12 14
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 5 5 10 16
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 5 4 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 4 5 9 17

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 10 9 19 7
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 8 9 17 9
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 6 9 15 11
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 7 8 15 11
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 9 6 15 11
Tamworth Two 2388.085 5 7 12 14
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 6 5 11 15
Dyna Hard 2396.135 6 3 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 4 5 9 17
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 4 4 8 18

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 11 8 19 7
Dyna Hard 2396.135 6 10 16 10
Tamworth Two 2388.085 7 9 16 10
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8 7 15 11
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 7 8 15 11
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 7 6 13 13
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 7 5 12 14
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 6 4 10 16
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 5 4 9 17
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 1 4 5 21

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 8 10 18 8
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 8 8 16 10
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8.5 7 15.5 10.5
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 7 8 15 11
Dyna Hard 2396.135 8.5 6 14.5 11.5
Tamworth Two 2388.085 7 6 13 13
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 6 6 12 14
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 5 7 12 14
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 3 5 8 18
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 4 2 6 20

So with this method we end up with more match-ups and more rivalries, but there’s a risk that too many games are happening at once and we lose a bit of focus. It could be more fun or it could be confusing and, frankly, I don’t think we’d know until we did it.

OPTION 2 – VICTORY POINTS

So, under this scenario, each team would get 2 points for a win and 1 for a tie, rather than the traditional W/L result, but what we add in is 2 further points for the top 3 scoring teams in the week, 1 point for the 4 teams that score in the middle and 0 points for the 3 lowest scoring teams. This way, if you are the second top scoring team in a week, and you lose to the top scoring team, all is not lost! You still get 2 points towards your playoff push.

Want examples? Why sure. In week 1 of the 2014 season, the top scoring team beat the 4th top scoring team while the 2nd top scoring team beat the 3rd top scoring team. So under the victory point scenario, Dynablaster Bombermen would have scored 1 point despite the loss and Dyna Hard 2 points, despite their loss.

What would last season’s table have looked like?

Team Victory Points Scoring Points Total Points
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 16 18 34
Dynasore Losers 16 17 33
DynaForOne Firebirds 14 15 29
Here Comes The Brees 16 12 28
Dynablaster Bombermen 14 12 26
Champions of the Sun 12 14 26
Tamworth Two 12 13 25
Dyna Hard 10 14 24
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 10 8 18
East Flanders Dungeoneers 10 7 17

Less of an impact – the same 4 teams in the playoffs and a little shuffling lower down, but I think you’d agree that it is a slightly more fair representation of the quality of teams.

The advantage is that even if you’re clearly beaten or going up against a team that is much stronger you still have something to cheer and getting a few more points in your Monday night game could give you an extra point and push you a step closer to the playoffs.

OPTION 3 (?!?) – COMBINED DOUBLE HEADERS AND VICTORY POINTS!

Using the first double header table to construct a double header and victory points table, we get the following:

Team Total Wins Total Losses Victory Points Scoring Points Total Points
Dynasore Losers 18 8 36 17 53
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 17 9 34 18 52
Dyna Hard 16 10 32 14 46
DynaForOne Firebirds 13 13 26 15 41
Tamworth Two 13 13 26 13 39
Champions of the Sun 11 15 22 14 36
Dynablaster Bombermen 12 14 24 12 36
Here Comes The Brees 12 14 24 12 36
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 9 17 18 8 26
East Flanders Dungeoneers 9 17 18 7 25

 

 

Mock Draft 3.1 – Maxwell takes it to the house by mocking rounds 3 & 4

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Taking as his starting point James ‘Goody’ Goodson’s first 2 rounds of mock draft, Max Cubberley, erstwhile GM of the Champions of the Sun franchise has taken it upon himself to continue the simulation and mock draft rounds 3 & 4. So without further ado, let us begin…

3.01 – Dynahard – Marcus Mariota (QB – TEN)
With two premium skill position players in the bag already Dynahard may find the value of Marcus Mariota too much to pass at the top of the third round. Although Matthew Stafford and Eli Manning between them should be able to put up a decent season next year it would be a boon to have a QB with more consistency to slot in at the top of the roster and Mariota may become that in time.

3.02 – 4th Dynmension of Sadness – Jay Ajayi (RB – MIA)
How many running backs do the Dynasty of Sadness need to draft? How many do you have? Despite health concerns, Ajayi is the most talented skill position player left at this point who can make an immediate impact. This should be a no-brainer, particularly with Lamar Miller entering a contract year.

3.03 – Here Comes The Brees – Vic Beasley (DE – ATL)
With needs all over the shop at the Brees it may seem odd to go with back-to-back picks at defensive end after taking Dante Fowler Jr. in the 2nd but you need to play 2 DEs in this league and the Brees didn’t have 1 that cracked 100 points last year. Sure, maybe Michael Bennett had a down year and Fletcher Cox is still improving but I’d want a piece of that Dan Quinn defence if I was the Brees.

3.04 – The Tamworth Two – Hau’oli Kikoha (LB – NOS)
The Tamworth Two have a pretty strong roster with Amari Copper and David Cobb already adding talent and depth to the skill positions in round 1. The glaring hole is at LB and while it may seem strange to take Kikoha with the likes of Dupree, Kendricks and Anthony (all drafted above him) on the board, Kikoha is the most pro-ready pass rusher in the class and one who can make an immediate impact in New Orleans.

3.05 – Champions of the Sun – Philip Dorsett (WR – IND)
With both of Smokin’ Jay Cutler’s potential replacements off the board by this time, the Champions need to look to other needs. Although they could use more running back help, the number of backs taken so far has left that field lagging behind the receiver talent. For that reason it becomes a case of taking the best on the board. The Colts have to pay Andrew Luck soon and there’s a good chance they let TY Hilton walk at the end of the season. If that happens Philip Dorsett could become a top target for one of the top QBs in the league.

3.06 – DynaForOne Firebirds – Eric Kendricks (LB – MIN)
The Firebirds love to hit the field with a pair of beastly DTs up front and with the recruitment of Leonard Williams in the first round they can certainly do that. Looking at the rest of the roster shows a need at running back and linebacker. With the running back well looking a little dry, it’s time to bolster the defence further and Eric Kendricks goes here. A combination of his natural ability and the chance to join a Mike Zimmer defence means that Kendricks could be an absolute tackle machine in Minnesota and a steady weekly scorer for the ‘Birds.

3.07 – KDPBNDR – Malcolm Brown (DT – NEP)
Relying on Jay Ratliff for your production at defensive tackle is not a good place to be in. Although the big guy produced last season it’s an obvious depth-need for the Rules. The two most-likely contributors have already gone and taking a run-stuffer like Malcolm Brown is a little risky but with Chandler Jones, Rob Ninkovich and Dominique Easley causing trouble around him he should be able to get penetration into the backfield and make some nice tackles for loss and even a couple of sacks. He has the potential to be beast at the heart of a good defence for years to come.

3.08 – Dynasore Losers – Jeremy Langford (RB – CHI)
Duke Johnson addresses the lack of RB depth at the Losers to some extent but it’s an obvious problem that you can’t really throw enough solutions at. There are a few options on the board here but Jeremy Langford is the stand-out for the Losers, being both an explosive talent and also at least a partial handcuff for Matt Forte if he goes down.

3.09 – Here Comes The Brees – Devin Smith (WR – NYJ)
With the defensive ends taken care of and a plug-and-play running back it’s time to address those holes at wide receiver. Whilst there may be some choices out there that could make a more immediate impact than Devin Smith, the Jets’ new deep threat has big play potential and could easily move alongside Eric Decker at the head of the depth chart by the end of the year with Brandon Marshall’s age and health concerns. It’s an upside pick but the payoff could be worth the gamble.

3.10 – DynaForOne Firebirds – Landon Collins (S – NYG)
This is the only defensive back you’ll see me suggesting taking in this mock report. To be honest, I didn’t even do much research into them, I have no intention of drafting any. What I do know though is that Landon Collins is a big, fast, aggressive safety who’s gone to a team where I could probably get a game at safety. He should be a day 1 starter for the Giants and could be a top 20 fantasy safety in his first season easily.

4.01 – Dynahard – Jeff Heuerman (TE – DEN)
This draft class is very shallow for tight ends but Dynahard are in some pretty dire straits with their current situation at the position. With Maxx Williams off the board already, Jeff Heuerman is the only prospect worth looking at left but could be a great pickup. He comes into a great offence in Denver, one that’s just lost its starting TE. He is in a good position to buck the usual trend of tight ends not performing in their first season and his full stud potential.

4.02 – 4th Dynmension of Sadness – Randy Gregory (DE – DAL)
Having taken nearly every running back available in the draft already it’s time for a change, although not that much of one. The defensive line is a position of great need for the Sadness and there is better value at end than at tackle here. Randy Gregory has some character questions but all the talent in the world and will enjoy working with Rod Marinelli in Dallas. Plus the Sadness love a Cowboy.

4.03 – East Flanders Dungeoneers – Jaelen Strong (WR – HOU)
Welcome to the later rounds, Dungeoneers! Even with Kevin White already on-board the Flanders crew need more help at WR and Jaelen Strong figures to make an immediate impact in Houston playing across from De’Andre Hopkins. The ceiling on Strong may be a bit lower than some but he’s a nice bridging piece, particularly in the 4th round.

4.04 – Tamworth Two – Bud Dupree (LB – PIT)
At this point the Tamworth Two’s biggest need is safety but, as mentioned above, I don’t see another safety in the draft that’s worth passing on a prospect at a more stable position. With that in mind the Two take Bud Dupree here. Between him and Kikaha in the round before there should be at least one good fantasy pass rusher going forward, even if Dupree doesn’t figure to make as much immediate impact in Pittsburgh.

4.05 – Here Comes the Brees – Devin Funchess (WR – CAR)
Synergy is a glorious thing so why not take a pair of Devins back-to-back? The Brees need all the help they can get at WR as fast as possible so, with that in mind, Funchess comes off the board here. If Devin Smith has a high ceiling but a low floor for the season ahead, Funchess is the opposite. He may not have the upside of Smith but he comes into a team with a good QB who need help at receiver. With Kelvin Benjamin taking the strongest corner on the defence, Funchess may be able to bully his match up and leave the season with a good few scores.

4.06 – Dynablaster Bombermen – Stephone Anthony (LB – NOS)
After sleeping in and missing round 3 due to their feasting in the first two rounds, the Bombermen finally join the party again midway through the 4th. One of the favourites for the season to come, the Bombermen have already addressed a lot of issues in the first two rounds and can afford to look at the best players left on the board. Stephone Anthony answers a slight need at linebacker and figures to be an integral part of the Saints offence from week 1, racking up tackles.

4.07 – KDPBNDR – Chris Conley (WR – KCC)
Taking a Kansas City wide receiver as famous for his home-made Star Wars movie as his ball skills is just the type of maverick move we’d expect from Kelkowski. Conley has some questions over his hands and his productivity in college but has great size and blazing speed to do damage after the catch from Alex Smith’s noodley 5 yard slants. You don’t like taking any Kansas receiver but Conley is going straight into competition for a starting spot opposite Maclin and is worth a gamble.

4.08 – Dynasore Losers – Michael Bennett (DT – JAC)
Have I lost my mind? A defensive tackle drafted in the 6th round of the real draft taken in the 4th?! A defensive tackle drafted by the Jags no less?! Maybe it’s just me but I love the skills and the fit for Bennett in Jacksonville. Gus Bradley gets a hell of a rush from his guys and Bennett figures to be a dangerous interior pass rusher, which is what you want from your fantasy tackle position. Sure, maybe there’s a reason he slipped down the board but there’s also a chance you’ve got the closest thing this year’s draft has to Aaron Donald.

4.09 – Champions of the Sun – Javorius Allen (RB – BAL)
In a year that’s weak on exciting names, Javorius Allen is a solid effort. More than that he comes into a strong Baltimore running game with a far from certain future. Allen is unlikely to get ahead of Justin Forsett this season, barring injury, but at this point in the draft taking more depth at RB is the obvious choice for the Champions and Allen is the last RB left on the board that has significant upside.

4.10 – DynaForOne Firebirds – Nate Orchard (DE – CLE)
The Firebirds need no help on offence and having taken a tackle, a linebacker and a safety so far it’s time to look at defensive end. It was a tough call here between Orchard and Preston Smith in Washington. Either would be a good pick but the Browns are needier on the line so I think Orchard will see more immediate impact.

4.11 – Dynahard – Justin Hardy (WR – ATL)
For the first of our supplemental picks Dynahard pick up a player that has flown under the radar of many. Sure, Roddy White and Julio Jones are ahead of Hardy on the depth chart but he figures to work his way into the starting position at the slot on a pass-happy offence. Hardy’s a tough runner with good routes and hands. He’s unlikely to ever be a fantasy stud but he could be a solid WR3 for a good number of years and there’s value in that too.

4.12 – 4th Dynmension of Sadness – Bernardrick McKinney (LB – HOU)
No, you’re not hallucinating. It took until a supplemental pick in the 4th round but the Sadness have taken a player that isn’t a running back or a defensive end. McKinney walks into a Texans team desperate for help at ILB. The knock on him is that he may be no more than two-down run-stopping bruiser due to weak coverage skills but if you look down the list of interior linebackers that’s a common concern. McKinney has the best position of the other options, playing for a good defence.

4.13 – Dynablaster Bombermen – Lorenzo Maudlin (LB – NYJ)
Bringing up the rear it’s the Bombermen, picking up another linebacker to help out. There’s no science to this, Maudlin is the best choice left on the board. The Jets are going to be blitzing until the cows come home this season and they have no outside pass rushers to speak of. Maudlin is their answer to that problem and there’s a chance he turns into a sack beast over the next few seasons in a Todd Bowles defence. His talent ceiling may not be up to it, time will tell, but I like the possibilities.

Mock Draft 2.0 – DSlatz Stat Attackz Version

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D-Slatz takes his turn analysing team needs and picking the first 31 men off the board.

1. DynaHard – needs QB, RB3, WR2, TE, S.
Picks 1, 11, 22, 32, 42, 45, 55, 56, 66

DynaHard’s biggest need is at TE, where the current options are beyond uninspiring. Finding the right tight end might be tricky though with no particularly stand out options. The 32nd pick might be the right time to take a gamble on whichever tight end the Saints grab in the middle rounds. If the best tight-end lands in a decent situation, this would be a solid pick.
Similarly, a potential top 3 QB would upgrade the roster significantly, but QBs need time. Winston is the better pocket passer and better NFL QB, if he’s available at 11 then he’d be a great pick up. If not Mariota should be available and would be worth considering, particularly if someone like San Diego trades up to get him. Garret Grayson with a late pick may offer a nice risk/reward option if he lands somewhere he can play, such as Buffalo, and will probably be available with a late pick (50+).
Antonio Brown is a clear number one receiver, but after him Edelman and Watkins are below-average second receivers. Watkins showed flashes and definitely has room to improve, but he’s got a run-happy coach and a terrible QB, so there is no guarantee that improvement will come any time soon. Given the league’s increasingly pass-happy direction and the ability of rookie receivers to make an impact almost immediately, taking the best WR is the ideal use of the #1 pick. Cooper should land at the Raiders with a young QB who showed plenty of promise last year, but if White ends up with the Giants or Chicago, he’d surely be the better selection of the two.
The Running Back position is intriguing. Given the cap situation Charles could be a casualty if the right offer is made, if he is, that makes the RB position a definite need, but currently Charles and Morris represent a fine 1 / 2 combination and with Mathews, Randle/Dunbar and Sankey on the roster a solid RB3 option could easily develop. If the intention is to trade, Gurley would be another option with the top pick, however rookie RBs have generally struggled, and highly touted young RBs have struggled to make either an immediate or extended impact. In what looks like a deep and talented RB class, mid-round picks like TJ Yeldon and Tevin Coleman could easily land in good situations and have immediate impacts, and would offer great value if they can be got with the 32nd, 42nd or 45th picks.

2. Dynasty of Sadness – needs QB?, RB1, TE, DE, DT, LB2.
Picks 2, 12, 15, 23, 33, 43, 57, 67

If Carolina can do a better job of protecting Cam and letting him make plays he should turn back into a top 10 QB. In that situation, this is a lower need position that could be filled with a late round flier on Hundley, or possibly with Mariota at 15 if he’s still available.
The most pressing need is at RB, and going to the well twice for Gurley / Gordon in the first round and Jay Ajayi in the second is definitely an option. While wide receiver isn’t a need, there’s a definite temptation to pick the best WR available as they may well be the best and most reliable pick you could make in the first round.
There really isn’t a great tight end option, and a mid-round pick based on the situation a developmental TE finds themselves in might be a better option than spending a high pick on the ‘best’ Tight End.
Williams is not necessarily seen as a top, top tier talent at DE, but is the best defender in the draft and would represent a solid long-term option at DE, even if he ends up a Titan. He could be an option with the #2 pick, but it would probably be a bit of a reach given the need at RB. There is so much depth among the end position that potentially good options like Eli Harold, Preston Smith or Alvin Dupree will be available later in the draft and it may be better to look for a slightly worse player who lands in a great situation to play early and often. If Shane Ray or Dante Fowler is still around in the middle of the second round, they’d be great pick ups.
Danny Shelton at DT is also a potential second round option, but it’s a pretty deep draft for tackles, and someone like Arik Armistead who has all the physical tools to play the position if he can land with a coach, like Tomsula or Ryan, who can help him piece it together would represent great value in the late rounds.
It’s not a great draft for safeties, but that may not prevent the Dynasty spending their top pick on one.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – needs RB2, WR1/2, DE1, LB3, S.
Picks 3, 13, 21, 34, 47, 58, 68

The Dungeoneers have reloaded well in free agency, but there just aren’t the options to get a great receiver in free agency, and likely won’t be soon. That means that the draft is the best way to find an elite receiver. Ideally the Dungeoneers would look to trade everything to get back into the top of the first round and take both White and Cooper at 3 and 4 and expect one of them to become an elite receiver. However that seems unlikely to happen, so taking whichever one of White or Cooper is left at 3 seems like an obvious selection. DeVante Parker, Dorial Beckham-Green aren’t likely to be around by the second round, but if they are they represent good value. At least one of Jalen Strong, Breshad Perriman, Phillip Dorsett and Devin Smith will be though, and all have the potential to develop into a good second WR option in the right situation.
With Forsett in place, the need at RB is not as bad as it is at WR, but should both Cooper and White go in the first two picks, Gurley would be tough to pass up. Melvin Gordon will likely be available, but a later round pick such as Yeldon or Coleman probably represents better value.
Defensive End is a deep position to draft from, and with the needs on offence it would be a surprise to see Leonard Williams go this high. Similarly spending a second round pick on Gregory or Ray is a stretch unless the receiver options have been decimated. Better to look in the later rounds at a player with breakout potential. Nate Orchard had a great 2014, and has potential to be a late round steal and Markus Golden has bags of talent but will drop down the NFL draft due to injuries which slowed him down last year and should be available at 50+.
Safety is a need, but frankly the safety option in this year’s draft are poor with Landon Collins possibly the only safety to go in the first round. Byron Jones might be the best athlete, although he may end up an NFL corner. He should be available somewhere after the 30th pick.

4. Tamworth Two – needs WR1, TE, DE1, LB1, CB1, S1.
Picks 4, 14, 25, 35, 48, 59, 69

Tamworth Two have a lot of almost players lurking at 10th to 15th at their positions, and it wouldn’t be a shock to see some of them improve next year.
The biggest need on the roster is an elite wide receiver, and if Cooper or White drops here they should be a nailed on selection. If they don’t things get a little murkier as there is no talent on the defensive side of the ball worthy of the 4th pick.
Dorial Green-Beckham is an option, he represents a risk with his disciplinary issues in college, but there’s no doubt he’s one of the three most talented athletes at his position in this draft. He could have a Beckham Jr. level of impact if he finds a good fit. DaVante Parker is another option. Slightly less talented, but he represents a safer bet than DGB and is clearly the next best safe selection at receiver after Cooper and White. He doesn’t necessarily project as a potential WR1 thought. A lot will depend on who lands where, as nobody wants to draft the talented receiver who the Browns are expected to draft high in the first and inevitably ruin.
The need at Defensive End is intriguing. Both Dante Fowler Jr and Leonard Williams are options. It seems high for a defensive player, but they fill a need for this team and could develop into great #1 options at either DE or LB. However Randy Gregory, Shane Ray should be available in the second round and represent better value.
This team doesn’t need running backs particularly, as long as Lesean McCoy does better in Buffalo than his last year in Philly. However if Gurley were to fall he may be a tough player to pass on.
If Trey Waynes is available at 25 it’d be tough to pass him up. Failing that the needs at CB and safety can be filled in the later rounds with someone like Jalen Collins or Marcus Peters. Talented players who’ll be taken relatively high in the NFL draft.

5. Champions of the Sun – needs QB?, RB2/3, WR3.
Picks 9, 26, 40, 46, 49, 60, 70

Champions of the Sun have used their draft capital aggressively to fill needs in trades and free agency, leaving only 1 pick in the top 20, but a shortage of clear needs.
If Gordon falls to 9 he’d be a solid pick, it’s almost certain Gurley won’t make it this far. A good depth receiver with potential is the most likely pick though with the #9 selection. Cooper, White, Parker and DGB will all be gone almost certainly, but there should be at worst a couple of Jalen Strong, Breshad Perriman, Phillip Dorsett and Devin Smith to select from. A late round flyer on Brandin Cooks-like diminutive flier Tyler Lockett might also be an option, and while there’s legitimate concerns over Devin Funchess’s ability to create separation with his complete lack of speed, there is no doubting the 6’4 receivers hands or ability to create mismatch nightmares with his size.
It would be a reach for a running back other than Gordon at this point, but given the next pick would be the 26th, a reach for Jay Ajayi might be an option. A later round selection, such as a David Johnson is also an option at running back. Unless he lands in a particularly good RB situation Johnson is at best going to compete for a spot in camp, but he has the talent to make a starting job his own with the right franchise and could be a real find in the later rounds of the Dynabowl draft.
One intriguing option for the inaccurately-named Champions is at QB. Mariota or Winston could be available at 9, and while there’s been a reasonable investment in Roethlisberger, last season was an outlier in terms of fantasy production. A potential franchise QB to replace an aging Big Ben would be hard to pass up given the relative health of the overall roster.

6. Dynablaster Bombermen – needs ‘elite’ players.
Picks 6, 16, 20, 37, 44, 50, 53, 61, 62, 71

There is no position that jumps out from the Bombermen’s roster as having gaps or needs. They’ve solid top ten options in most positions, and good solid depth behind those players. What does strike me when I look through their performance though is the lack of elite talent in most positions. Aside from AJ Green, who’s 2014 showing is likely a blip caused by injuries there’s no elite talent. That should be the main aim for the Bombermen in this draft. Three picks in the top 20 definitely helps, but Cooper, White and Gurley represent the best three options in the draft in terms of potential to become elite players. It’s unlikely any of them make it to the 6th selection.
With a lot of draft capital, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility for the Bombermen to trade up or into next year’s draft instead. However, assuming that doesn’t happen they’re best off looking for the risk/reward players who have the potential to provide them an elite pay-off. The best example of this is Dorial Green-Beckham, and it would be a surprise both if he didn’t make it to the 6th selection and if the Bombermen passed on him in that position.
One option for the Bombermen is at QB. Ryan is a good QB, reliable and effective. He’s also playing for a poor Falcons team and had two below average (with only 10 QBs, anything below 6th is below average) seasons. If the GMs at Bomberman HQ feel Mariota or Winston has elite potential they’d be an option at 6, and a real selection headache at 16.
David Cobb has been a productive runner in Minnesota, and answered some doubts with a good showing in the Senior Bowl, his ability to handle a big workload could make him a potential lead back somewhere in the NFL, and that makes him a tempting selection in the mid to late rounds.

7. Kelkowski Don’t Play by No Dyna Rules – needs QB, TE?, DT, LB1, CB2.
Picks 7, 17, 28, 38, 51, 72

The biggest needs for Kelkowski is easily the lack of a franchise QB. They could also use a tight end and options on defence.
With the tight end options slim, and neither DTs nor LBs offering value in the first round Kelkowski should definitely look to take one of the two top QBs in the draft. Maxx Williams is the best Tight End, and while not an outstanding talent, he might be around in the second round, and while that’s a reach, he might represent a reasonable gamble at that point, if Shelton and Brown have gone.
It’s not impossible, but it is unlikely that someone gets ahead of Kelkowski on the tackle front, and both Malcolm Brown and Danny Shelton project as first round tackles in the NFL draft. One of these, or possibly Dante Fowler, Shane Ray or Vic Beasley in the second round, and maybe even again in the third would definitely fill roster holes and have potential to develop into a great weapon on the defensive side of the ball.
In a reasonably deep and hard to call cornerback draft, Waynes might be available at 28, or a later selection in the last two or three rounds should pick up a good prospect at a tough position to predict.

8. DynaSore Losers – needs QB?, RB2, WR3, DT, CB.
Picks 8, 18, 29, 39, 52, 63, 73

The Losers needs are hard to call with a few question marks on positions. Dalton and Carr represent options if Manning falls apart, but neither looks likely to develop and replace Manning’s elite production. Mariota or Winston could therefore be an option with the 8th pick, and certainly with the 18th if they haven’t been taken.
The Running back position should be OK with Peterson and Forte, but they are aging. Gordon would be tough to pass over if he hasn’t been taken, otherwise a later round option would be better.
The biggest need on the roster is at tackle, and Danny Shelton is a definite option in the second round, with Malcolm Brown possibly available in the third.
Another option in the first round is to go with a wide receiver. Nelson is a stud, but Sanders may struggle if Manning does, and who knows how Torrey Smith will do in San Francisco. DaVante Parker and DGB may well be gone, if not they’d be good value here. The next tier of talent (Strong, Perriman, Dorsett, Smith) should be available, but they aren’t the easiest to separate. The best of them will probably be a good WR2 / 3, but knowing who that will be is the challenge and the gamble on making that call might not represent good value.
Leonard Williams may easily fall this far, and while DE is not a necessity, his talent makes him a great option at #8.
The need at corner can be addressed later in the draft, as there’s plenty of good options in the first few rounds.

9. Here Comes The Brees – needs RB, WR, DE, DT, LB, CB2?, S.
Picks 5, 19, 24, 30, 36, 64, 74

The Brees have a lot of holes on the roster, without an elite receiver, or running back after failing to tie down Forsett for the long-term. They lack talent across the whole defence, and Leonard Williams and Dante Fowler Jr will likely be available at 5. That would be a stretch though with the holes on offence.
With Gurley, Cooper and White likely gone by this point DeVante Parker and Melvin Gordon are the two most obvious picks at 5. The risk associated with DGB probably isn’t worthwhile for a team with so many holes, even if he is available. Parker might be the lesser talent and probably doesn’t project as a WR1, but he is the more reliable selection.
If any of Strong, Perriman, Dorsett, Smith or Ajayi make it to the depths of the second round, they’d be hard to pass up. However that seems unlikely, and the next tier of talent at the WR position is probably not worth the reach with so much defensive talent available. Picks 19, 24 and 30 provide an opportunity to net a couple of players from the pool of great defenders such as Brown, Shelton, Ray, Gregory and Beasley and that sort of solid rebuilding would be a great return for a roster with so many holes.

10. DynaForOne Firebirds – needs DE1, LB, CB, S.
Picks 10, 27, 31, 41, 54, 65, 75

No surprise to see the champions roster in relatively good shape, particularly offensively. The Firebirds could reload their offence with some good prospects to provide depth and trade bait, but they do have clear needs on defence. Leonard Williams may not survive the first round to be available, but the teams picking 1-5 will have better options for their picks and the teams picking 6-9 have less need for an elite DE. If he falls past to the Tamworth Two, it’s like Williams falls all the way to the Firebirds. Failing that, Dante Fowler Jr is the best player at a position of need, and the Jacksonville defence is not a place fantasy players go to die, as Senderrick Marks has demonstrated.
With no second round pick, the next pick is probably likely to miss out on Ray, Gregory, Beasley or one of the other potentially elite pass rushers. Lorenzo Mauldin is a bit of a project who needs to bulk up a little to succeed in the NFL, and he might make a decent mid-round pick for a Dynabowl team who have the opportunity to be patient.

1.01 1 Dyna Hard Amari Cooper, WR
1.02 2 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Todd Gurley, RB
1.03 3 East Flanders Dungeoneers Kevin White, WR
1.04 4 Tamworth Two Dorial Green-Beckham, WR
1.05 5 Here Comes The Brees DaVante Parker, WR
1.06 6 Dynablaster Bombermen Melvin Gordon, RB
1.07 7 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules Jameis Winston, QB
1.08 8 Dynasore Losers Marcus Mariota, QB
1.09 9 Champions of the Sun Philip Dorsett, WR
1.10 10 DynaForOne Firebirds Leonard Williams, DE
2.01 11 Dyna Hard Jay Ajayi, RB
2.02 12 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Dante Fowler Jr, LB
2.03 13 East Flanders Dungeoneers Jalen Strong, WR
2.04 14 Tamworth Two Vic Beasley, LB
2.05 15 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Danny Shelton, DT
2.06 16 Dynablaster Bombermen Breshad Perriman, WR
2.07 17 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules Maxx Williams, TE
2.08 18 Dynasore Losers Devin Smith, WR
2.09 19 Here Comes The Brees Shane Ray, DE
2.10 20 Dynablaster Bombermen Randy Gregory, LB
2.11 21 East Flanders Dungeoneers Telvin Coleman, RB
3.01 22 Dyna Hard Trey Waynes, CB
3.02 23 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness Malcom Brown, DT
3.03 24 Here Comes The Brees AJ Yeldon, RB
3.04 25 Tamworth Two Alvin Dupree, LB
3.05 26 Champions of the Sun Brett Hundley, QB
3.06 27 DynaForOne Firebirds Bud Dupree, LB
3.07 28 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules Eli Harold, LB
3.08 29 Dynasore Losers Arik Armistead, DT
3.09 30 Here Comes The Brees Duke Johnson, RB
3.10 31 DynaForOne Firebirds Marcus Peters, CB

 

Mock Draft 1.0

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So we’re only 2 weeks and 3 days away from the beginning of the draft. The NFL draft that is. We’re still over 2 months from the DynaBowl draft or, as we like to call it, the main event.

Anyway, given we have no idea where the rookies are going – something that will have a large impact on the desirability of some players, I mean, do you want to draft a Cleveland Brown? – it seems like the ideal time to have some wild stabs in the dark as to who will select which player when.

First up to the plate (nothing like mixing our American sports, it’s Dyna Hard.

FIRST ROUND

1. Dyna Hard – Todd Gurley – RB

The consensus top prospect and Dyna Hard doesn’t buck the trend. Sure, Jamaal Charles and Alfred Morris are already in town, but Charles won’t last forever – rumour has it Hard are willing to trade him and given his cap hit that’s not surprising – and depth at RB is always good. It’s a limited position and Gurley is a great prospect. That said, don’t rule out Hard moving down in the draft to cut a precious few dollars from the rookie cap hit, perhaps storing up picks for 2016.

2. The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness – Melvin Gordon – RB

This was a difficult call. DoS are weak all over the pitch, barring a couple of big stars at WR in Bryant and OBJ. Perhaps the thought will be trying to find a third big star at WR to possibly create the most fearsome receiving corps in the league, but with such little talent at RB, Gordon seems too good an option to pass up. Again, moving back to try and accumulate picks isn’t out of the question if DoS see the right offer coming in.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – Kevin White – WR

The Dungeoneers have quietly built an impressive running back stable so would most likely pass on the top two prospects even if one of them fell this low. No, WR is where the need is, a position where ‘underperformance’ was the new ‘performance’ in 2014. White did himself plenty of favours with the watching public at the combine and leapt up plenty of draft boards, and I’m willing to bet that the Dungeoneers’ was one of them.

4. Tamworth Two – Devante Parker – WR

Tamworth may like the idea of jumping up a couple of slots to pick up a RB now that McCoy and Jackson are in the same town, but with Jeffrey, Landry and Wallace as the top 3 WRs, they may fancy staying put and taking their favoured player. If only one WR is off the board, Tamworth should be happy. The conventional move would be to go for Cooper, but he’s been slipping on boards recently and with the DynaBowl being a non-PPR league he loses further shine. Add to that the possibility of Cooper landing in Cleveland and you have a perfect storm for a player dropping like a stone. Parker is a great prospect, don’t get me wrong, and Tamworth will be delighted to get their man.

5. Her Comes The Brees – Leonard Williams – DE

Having sold defensive playmaker Marcell Dareus to move up to this position (along with gaining DeSean Jackson and a swap up in the 4th too), the Brees take Williams who they hope will prove to be a JJ Watt-style outlier. People have called Williams the best player in the draft, but he’s been taking some knocks recently. This is a gamble but if it pays off it could help the Brees back to the Bowl.

6. Dynablaster Bombermen – Amari Cooper – WR

A relative no-brainer for the Bombermen, Cooper is the best prospect left on the board and one the Bombermen will be surprised is still available. Given the depth of young WR talent on the Bombermen roster, this may be a case of reluctantly taking a player though. If Cooper falls this low, don’t be surprised if they try to move down, cashing in the pick to a more WR-needy team.

7. Kelkowski… – Jameis Winston – QB

With only QBs of either questionable health or questionable talent on the books, Kelkowski decide to take a chance on one with questionable character instead. Having missed out on the top tier of talent and with good depth at both RB and WR, they see this as a great spot to lock up a franchise QB who might live through a season without being terrible.

8. Dynasore Losers – Dorial Green-Beckham – WR

This was a tough call. The Losers are a candidate to move up to grab a player of their choice – a RB might be desirable but with AP surely coming back and Matt Forte still going strong, depth at WR seems more important. After Jordy Nelson things are shaky – Peyton fell away and points dried up for Sanders, Gordon may not play again, Torrey Smith is going to try to catch balls from Colin Kaepernick. DGB is a risk but with the right landing spot could turn out to be a beast.

9. Champions of the Sun – Breshad Perriman – WR

On a name basis, this was a candidate for Kelkowski. The fastest WR at the combine has caught the eye of the Champions (not to be confused with the champions, who pick at 10). The Champions will also be tempted by the backs but with McKinnon and Spiller both looking to build in newly won positions or at new teams, the depth should be enough.

10. DynaForOne Firebirds – Dante Fowler – DE

Some people think he’ll go before Williams and could be just as disruptive a defensive player. The Firebirds are stacked at WR and with Lynch and Anderson at RB take the risk at getting a 10-year, top 10 player at his position. Or that’s what they hope. The offence was a beast last year, this pick could give the defense the same kick.

SECOND ROUND

1. Dyna Hard – Danny Shelton – DT

Hard would really like a WR here but the value has gone from that market and having gone RB early they’re not looking to take another. Instead they look to the top tackle in the draft to pair with JJ Watt. If this scenario were to happen, expect the Hards to be very keen to trade back for a WR.

2. DoS – Ameer Abdullah – RB

The Sadness, on the other hand, are happy to take a second RB, bolstering their numbers. It’s a case of BPA from here on in.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – Marcus Mariota – QB

The Dungeoneers might be keen to trade up to make sure they get their man, should Winston go as early as projected here. Brees, Foles and Osweiler are not a happy group and Mariota would certainly put a smile on coach Conaghan’s face.

4. Tamworth Two – Jay Ajayi – RB

They got their WR in the first round and they’re happy to pick up a player who many projected to go in the first round here to fill up their RB corps.

5. DoS – Devin Funchess – WR

Having gorged himself on two RBs, GM Geoffrey Manboob has Funchess for dessert, and very happy with his first two rounds he is too.

6. Bombermen – Shane Ray – DE

Having taken a WR they didn’t really need, now they take a defensive end they really could use. Cameron Wake isn’t getting any younger and Mario Williams will be expensive to extend. Ray might soothe the blow.

7. Kelkowski – Vic Beasley – LB

They may have about 15 men on the roster competing for 3 or 4 starting LB spots, but only one, maybe two, are up to Beasley’s standard – if that. Beasley can be a difference maker and sack machine in the right landing spot. Will Kelkowski be that spot?

8. Losers – Tevin Coleman – RB

They got a receiver in the first round so are happy to go the other way and take a back here. Coleman is the best man left on the board. But not for long.

9. Here Comes The Brees – Nelson Agholor – WR

The player I want to call Agbonlahor is the best receiver on the board and the man the Brees were targeting from the beginning. They’ve met with Nelson several times and have been rumoured to have been paying him through his college years. This is a lock, if nothing else on this board is.

10. Bombermen – TJ Yeldon – RB

The Bombermen end up with a receiver, a defender and a back from their first three picks and are pretty happy about it.

Around the Grounds: Week 2

Around The Grounds League Business No Comments

by Jaunty Coving

Welcome one and all to week 2 and join me now as we go… around the grounds.

The NFL was rocked this week by scandal as it was revealed that Here Comes the Brees GM, Ban Saycher, has attempted to sneak over-priced rookie RB Tre Mason onto his taxi squad in violation of league rules.  Sanctions from the league are pending but, in this reporter’s opinion, it is a true shame to see the sport we love brought so low.

Amongst this upheaval, Here Comes the Brees also cut RB Ray Rice, which nobody noticed because it wasn’t relevant or interesting in any way.

Arteveldestadion: Hogs @ Flahutes

The Tamworth Two arrived in the Arteveldestation on a high after a resounding week 1 victory, looking like one of the teams to beat in this year’s Owl.  This was the inaugural game for the Flahutes in their new home, a state-of-the-art green arena made of recycled tofu and broken dreams, built at tremendous expense by the local community of Moomins.

The Flahutes had their problems in the first game, not least of which was the absence of GM Philip Malcolm.  Malcolm gave a cursory press conference mid-week but, once again, it was Goodwill Childress, his Namibian adopted son, who was calling the plays at the weekend.

The Hogs started on the front foot with Adam Rodgers overcoming a very shaky start against the Jets to the biggest QB performance of the week, passing for 346 yards, 3 TDs and a 2 pointer, as well as scrambling for 28 yards.  Toby Gerhart’s incredible 1.1 YPC managed not to keep the Hogs down too much and they logged a decent score on offence for the day, laying the groundwork for their defence, which had been dominant in week 1, to do the business.

For all Goodwill Childress’ bluster, the Flahutes seemed at one point to be going quietly into the night with one of the lowest offensive totals heading into Sunday night.  Brandon Marshall added a sheen of respectability to proceedings with an unlikely 3 TD grabs and a strong showing from special teams kept the game close on the offensive side of the ball.

The Flahutes knew they needed something special on defence and were bolstered by the site of Gerald McCoy exiting for the Tamworth Two early on with a wrist injury.  Inspired, they put up good numbers across the defence, led by Sen’Derrick Marks (10.5), DJ Swearinger (14.5) and Jerod Mayo (7).  Any other week Childress could have been happy with Jason Hatcher’s 1.5 sacks but, considering the incredible 8 sacks given up by the Jacksonville O-line, he may feel this was an opportunity missed.

The injury to McCoy seemed to do nothing but fire up the Hogs D-line who still managed to score the most points on the week courtesy of 2 sacks for Jurell Casey and 2 sacks and a blocked punt TD for Chandler Jones.  The game was all but won at this point and the rest of Mames Goodsard’s defence put it away comfortably with the likes of Larry Foote, Kam Chancellor, Luke Kuechly and Alterraun Verner looking refined.

Tamworth Two confirmed their status as front-runners for the Owl after week 1 with the top scoring defence of the week.  With that side of the ball scoring so dominantly the offence just needs to keep ticking over as it is and more wins will come.  The Flahutes, meanwhile, slip to 1-1 but there was no shame in defeat here as they were actually the 4th top scoring team on the week.

Tamworth Two 183 – 157 East Flanders Flahutes

Jurassic Park: Sadness @ Losers

One of the bigger surprises of week 1 was the performance of the DynaSore Losers defence, a group not fancied by many.  After a home win last weekend, there came a good opportunity to go 2-0 thanks to another home game against week 1 strugglers the Dynasty of Sadness.  Sadness’ GM, Geoffrey Manboob, reluctantly agreed to play a more conventional formation in week 2 and the fans were relieved to see him name a starting quarterback, although some were nonplussed as to why sketchy sicknote Jake Locker had been given the nod over Cam Newton.

Such fears appeared well-founded as Locker struggled to 234 yards, 1 TD and 2 interceptions whilst Cam Newton put in one of the best QB performances of the week from the sideline.  The inconsistency epitomised by Locker seemed to pervade the whole offence as for every Dez Bryant (16.3 points) and Eric Decker (12.3) performance there was a Dwayne Allen (0) or Riley Cooper (0.8).  The Sadness limped to 72 points on offence, the worst showing of the week.

David Slater could be seen chuckling with star QB Peter Manning on the sideline as the pair watched the Sadness offence but the smile was quickly wiped from his face as Knowshon Moreno exited the game injured after only 1 carry for 4 yards.  With the rest of the Losers’ RB corps putting up only 6.8 points Peter had to step up and shoulder the burden.  He duly obliged, delivering a suitably high calibre performance and, along with Jordy Nelson and Jimmy Graham, the high power Losers offence showed some of the form we expected preseason with a dominant score.

With a nearly 40 point lead on Mangboob from offence the Losers, to be frank, didn’t need much from their defence but a matchup against a shocking Jacksonville O-line cares not for circumstance and Ryan Kerrigan strolled to 4 sacks and a monumental 31 points (this single performance was more than one other team’s entire defence would produce for the week, more of that later).  The rest of the Losers’ D shrugged their shoulders and went for ice cream, leaving Kerrigan to his work.

No-one would really have blamed the Sadness’ defence for going home early.  Most of their fans did.  They did a professional job, however, with the D-line in particular coming up trumps with plenty of tackles, a forced fumble and a sack between Calais Campbell and Jared Allen.  An injury to Eric Berry that could keep him out for some time was the salt in the wound of defeat for Geoffrey Manboob who left the stadium staring daggers at Cam Newton.

The Losers have got off to a strong start, albeit against teams that have started slowly.  It’s positively terrifying to consider what this team might do on offence when their RBs fire and with Josh Gordon still to come back.  The Sadness improved their points total from last week but still found themselves the worst scoring team and it looks like a long season ahead.  But who would have expected anything else?

Dynasty of Sadness 130 – 187 Dynasore Losers

Hudson Soft Play Arena: Firebirds @ Bombermen

Sometimes you just have one of those days.  It must have felt very much like one of those days to Danjamin Hendith as he sat on the sideline with AJ Green receiving treatment in the locker room and watching Antonio Gates catch his third TD pass of the game against the supposedly unplayable Legion of Boom.  Coming off the back of an unfortunate week 1 defeat to the Champions of the Sun the Bombermen must have felt confident of getting a win on the board against Neil Hawke’s so-far-underwhelming Firebirds.  It was just one of those days.

The misery wasn’t restricted to AJ Green’s goose egg.  After busting out for 43 points last week, Hendith could only watch as Brandin Cooks, Michael Floyd and Kelvin Benjamin sputtered to 11 points, leaving his receiving corps the worst of the week by some margin.  Matt Ryan and the RBs struggled similarly, with the exception of Giovani Bernard, and suddenly the Bombermen looked more like the team of raw talent that we thought had been drafted.

The Seattle San Diego game aside though, the Firebirds weren’t looking much better.  Big zeros from James Starks and Marques Colston plus underwhelming days from the Gronk and CJ2K left the game more open than one would have thought from the Bombermen’s lacklustre showing.

Both teams struggled similarly for consistency on defence too.  Ndamukung Suh and Leodis McKelvin came up with big plays for the ‘Birds whilst Trent Cole, Clay Matthews and (for the 2nd week in a row) Kyle Williams did similarly for the Bombermen.  With pathetic performances from Hawke’s LBs cancelled out by equal levels of Pap from Hendith’s DBs the result stayed the same.  The Firebirds’ advantage from wily vet Antonio Gates was enough to win the day.

The Bombermen came crashing back down to Earth this week with a combination of bad luck and youthful inexperience exposing some gaps on the roster.  This will likely be a team that yo-yos from week-to-week throughout the year, making them a risky, volatile opponent.  The Firebirds, meanwhile, seem to be a solid, if unspectacular, outfit at this point.  The strength of the roster is in Julio Jones and Demaryius Thomas and the defensive tackles who have, with Suh excepted, been quiet through 2 weeks.  If the big names don’t start to produce the Firebirds could end up mired in obscurity this year.

DynaForOne Firebirds 150 – 140 Dynablaster Bombermen

Mahoney Memorial Stadium: Champions @ Rules

It was only week 2 of the season but already some media outlets had built this game up into a potential Owl preview as the two top scorers from week 1, and divisional rivals, went head-to-head at Mahoney Memorial Stadium.  The hype was only exacerbated by fightin’ talk from both GMs prior to the match.  In the end, however, the encounter was disappointingly one sided.

Champions’ GM The Dayman had been complaining prior to kick-off about injuries to his roster (though in truth, few of the team that started last week were injured).  Nothing seemed particularly amiss at first as Jay Cutler put in the 2nd best QB performance of the week and the Champions’ RB corps put up the week’s highest total to boot.   Unfortunately the Champions’ thin roster was quickly exposed as their receiving corps and special teams put up the 2nd worst combined score of the week to counterbalance this.  Despite these problems the Dayman’s boys racked up a respectable 104 points on offence without leaving any big plays on the bench.

After a dominating week 1 performance, Jan Kelkowski must have felt confident that his team could outscore the Champions, even with their decent offensive showing.  Although Colin Kaepernick misfired the same could not be said for the rest of the offence.  DeMarco Murray and Arian Foster nearly outscored the 3-man Champions’ running attack on their own and the Rules’ receiving corps put up a punishing 74 points thanks to Delanie Walker (20) and Randall Cobb (18).

With the ball turned over to the defences, Rules had a healthy 38 point lead but couldn’t afford to be complacent against week 1’s top-scoring defensive unit.  Kelkowski’s line was quiet, shuffling for only 6 points but Karlos Dansby and co. put in a strong showing at LB.  Inspired by the play in front of them Darrelle Revis and Bernard Pollard combined for 13 tackles, a sack and an interception to give Kelkowski the 4th highest scoring defence to go with his top scoring offence.

The bar was set high for the Champions as they needed 104 points from the defence, exactly 1 point more than they’d scored the week before.  With Cameron Wake and Robert Quinn ready to chow down on their opponents like Kobyashi steak though, anything was possible.  Unfortunately, instead of the ferocious Champions’ pass rush, a group of Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie impersonators took to the field instead and, in that light, the 30 points scored by the Champions’ defence should be seen as a positive.  Even if it was 1 fewer point than Ryan Kerrigan scored on his own.

Kelkowski’s DynaRules look like strong early favourites for the Owl as the only team to post consecutive 200 point performances.  Their receiving corps is, frankly, terrifying.  The only concern might be a reliance on a pair of brittle running backs but neither Arian Foster or DeMarco Murray are showing any signs of breaking down yet.  The Champions, meanwhile, went from first to worst on defence though if Jay Cutler and their running backs can keep the production up, their pass rushers could propel them to the playoffs yet, even though there will be some prize turkey weeks like this.

Champions of the Sun 134 – 208 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules

Nakatomi Plaza Stadium: Brees @ Hard

Two teams entered the blood-soaked arena in the basement of Nakatomi Plaza in downtown LA with violence on the mind.  For Ban Saycher, the sight of his hero, Drew Brees, in opposing colours had left him in a murderous rage all week..  For Chris Braithwaite, the pain of leaving everything out on the field but still being trodden on by the DynaRules was raw and his team was pumped up, knowing a similar performance would likely result in the win.

The early news for the Breeses was bad as an injury to Doug Martin kept him out of the game.  An early knock to RGIII also hurt them as his replacement, Kirk Cousins, seemed not to have much Chemistry with Brees’ WR Pierre Garcon, resulting in only 12 yards worth of production for the usual target machine.  Dispirited by this, the rest of the Breeses’ offence limped to the half.  Andrew Luck’s connection with his TEs, Zach Ertz and Martellus Bennett provided some good numbers but the RBs and WRs were a wasteland of morose sighs that left the Breeses second only the Dynmension of Sadness in poor offensive play.

Scenting blood, the home crowd of coke-fuelled corporate suits and sophisticated German terrorists roared their team on.  An early injury to Jamaal Charles had the opposite effect on the Hards as Garcon’s had on the Breeses as the rest of the team rallied round to cover.  Alfred Morris smashed the Jacksonville run defence for 85 yards and two scores while Sammy Watkins built on his week 1 promise for 117 yards and a TD.  In total the Hards offence romped home with 105 points, the third best offensive score of the week.

At half-time Ban Saycher could be seen imploring and chastising his team in equal measure before a firm slap on the rump of each man sent his defence out to do their work.  Clearly disgusted with their offensive counterparts, the Breeses’ D set about building a good score.  Aaron Donald continued to show his promise as he came home with 17 points and Daryl Smith (15) and Tramon Williams (16) put in big contributions too.  The rest of the defence was solid but not spectacular and at the end of it Here Comes the Brees were only up 38 with DynaHard’s entire defence yet to play.

Call it complacency, call it bad luck, call it what you will but the DynaHard defence fell at the final hurdle on the field.  A sack for Von Miller and a fumble recovery by CJ Mosley were the only big plays on the team as the unit combined for only 34 points, leaving them agonizingly short of the win and dropping them to 0-2.

Chris Braithwaite can point to injuries to Charles and Ryan Matthews or to the decision to leave Bryan Anger on the bunch.  A change in any of the 3 would have given DynaHard the win.  They’re not a bad team though and should be able to recover to respectability from here.  The injury to Charles and Greg Hardy’s move to the exempt list may put a kibosh on more ambitious aims for the season though.  For the Breeses, they showed here that they can win in a tight spot and scrap for a result.  It wasn’t pretty but it got the job done and they’ll need more results like that to build a good season off the back of this win.

Here Comes the Brees 143 – 139 Dyna Hard

Standings

Rk Franchise W-L-T Strk PF PA Div
PETER
1 Tamworth Two 2-0-0 W2 370 291 2-0-0
2 Dynasore Losers 2-0-0 W2 350 255 1-0-0
3 East Flanders Flahutes 1-1-0 L1 328 331 1-1-0
4 Here Comes the Brees 1-1-0 L1 299 304 0-1-0
5 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 0-2-0 L2 257 374 0-2-0
TIM
1 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No DynaRules 2-0-0 W2 423 331 2-0-0
2 DynaForOne Firebirds 1-1-0 W1 275 303 1-0-0
3 Champions of the Sun 1-1-0 L1 362 404 1-1-0
4 Dyna Hard 0-2-0 L2 336 366 0-1-0
5 Dynablaster Bombermen 0-2-0 L2 336 377 0-2-0

 

Week 3 Games

  • The game of the week takes place at Mahoney Memorial Stadium where someone will lose a perfect record as DynaRules take on the Tamworth Two.
  • DynaHard, meanwhile, face a tough task to record their first win as they take the helicopter to Isla Nublar to face David Slater’s 2-0 Dynasore Losers.
  • The bookies think MANGBOOB may have a chance for his first win at the Firebird Dome in what is predicted to be a very close game between the Sadness and the ‘Birds.
  • Here Come The Brees come to Paddy’s Pub uncertain whether they will face the dominant Champions of week 1 or the timid laughing stock of week 2. Vegas thinks they have the edge though and who are we to argue with them.
  • Danjamin Hendith will look to break the losing streak in their second home game of the season as they entertain the East Flanders Flahutes in a favourable matchup.

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