Tag: Dynablaster

Alternative Uptown Top Ranking the 2014 Season

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Some of you may remember that at the end of the last season of the DynaBowl, when tallying up wins and losses and working out the draft order there was some ‘heated’ debate. I forget who was involved or exactly what the outcome was, aside from Dyna Hard, the 4th top scorers in the league in 2014, getting the first pick in the draft.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Firstly, how did a possible perception of unfairness occur and secondly is there anything that could be done to rectify this?

So, one of the quirks with Fantasy Football is how short the season is and how few games are played in a typical, traditional season. 13 games is not very many. It’s less than are played in the NFL, let alone football, basketball, ice hockey or let alone baseball. As such, it’s really difficult to use the season as a marker of true quality.

This is often noted in NFL, but at least in the NFL your opponent on any given weekend (or Thursday night. Or Monday night) has an impact on how you play your game. In fantasy football it would theoretically be possible to be the second highest scorer every single week and not win a game. Or be the second lowest scorer every week and win every game. Obviously the chances are ludicrously small, but it is just about possible. Therefore a win/loss record doesn’t necessarily reflect the strength of the teams.

Extrapolating from this, not only does it mean that the order the picks are made in could be compromised, but so too could the teams making the playoffs. In theory the best 4 teams should make the playoffs, but in 2014 The Brees made the playoffs despite scoring more regular season points than only 2 teams. Again, this isn’t like the NFL (or the Premier League) where a low scoring team can be successful by having a really good defence. A low scoring team has no control over whether they get beaten or not – it’s entirely based on luck.

In a venture like the ChatterBowl this is less of an issue (to me, at any rate), but the DynaBowl is a comparatively serious endeavour, given the time spent assessing rookies for the draft, assessing the value of contracts, managing the cap etc and so on. Given the time spent on managing teams, shouldn’t we work to reward the best teams rather than leaving it up to luck?

Of course, luck will always be present (as will Luck, the unbreakable man). This can be in the form of a defensive player getting 3 of his 5 sacks in one week or a 90 yard pick 6, or it can be that your opponent loses his bets 3 players to a bye the week you play him. I’m not saying we completely eliminate luck – we couldn’t.

What I am saying is that we should look to ways to reduce it so that the best teams are rewarded and the worst teams get the chance to pick from the new players before everyone else.

“But wait!” I hear you cry, “How much does the schedule really affect the standings?”

With our schedule in 2014, every team ended up with 5, 6, 7 or 8 wins. But complete fluke we were really bunched together. With a random re-arrangement of the fixtures, ensuring that no one played the same team in the same week they had before (so every fixture was new), the first variation I have produced the following results:

Team Wins Losses
Dyna Hard 11 2
Dynasore Losers 10 3
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 9 4
Tamworth Two 7 6
DynaForOne Firebirds 6 7
Dynablaster Bombermen 5 8
Champions of the Sun 5 8
East Flanders Dungeoneers 4 9
Here Comes The Brees 4 9
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 4 9

I promise this was complete fluke that the worst team in 2014 ended up on top with this schedule and The Brees came in second from bottom.

Under this scenario our 2014 champions, DynaForOne Firebirds, didn’t make the cut for the playoffs.

The point of this is merely to say that schedule plays a massive part of success and perhaps we should look to remove that element as best we can.

I’m not saying we should just work on total points or anything like that. We all like the weekly competition. But there may be other options that operate as halfway houses, which are just as fun but more representative. Specifically two other options (with further variations thereon).

OPTION 1 – DOUBLE HEADERS

This is pretty simple. Everyone plays two fixtures a week. That’s it. It just doubles the number of games per season giving you a better chance of producing a record that is more representative of a team’s talent.

So I had the original schedule and the schedule used to create the above standings. Using those templates I just rearranged the order of the teams (so if, in week 1 team 1 played team 2 etc, I just changed who team 1 was and who team 2 was (etc and so on), which then created effectively a new schedule. I then created tables for how the season would have gone with the new double fixture lists. There are several versions to demonstrate how different results would have been, each of which is reproduced  below for illustrative purposes and because I have no limit on space. The first of these tables uses the original schedule and the revised one produced above as the two schedules (I used total points, not head to head, as a tie-breaker, for simplicity):

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 8 10 18 8
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8 9 17 9
Dyna Hard 2396.135 5 11 16 10
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 7 6 13 13
Tamworth Two 2388.085 6 7 13 13
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 7 5 12 14
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 8 4 12 14
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 6 5 11 15
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 5 4 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 5 4 9 17

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 9 10 19 7
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 7 9 16 10
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8 7 15 11
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 8 7 15 11
Tamworth Two 2388.085 5 8 13 13
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 6 7 13 13
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 7 5 12 14
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 5 5 10 16
Dyna Hard 2396.135 6 3 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 4 4 8 18

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 9 8 17 9
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 7.5 9 16.5 9.5
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 7 9 16 10
Dyna Hard 2396.135 7.5 7 14.5 11.5
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 7 7 14 12
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 7 5 12 14
Tamworth Two 2388.085 6 6 12 14
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 5 5 10 16
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 5 4 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 4 5 9 17

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 10 9 19 7
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 8 9 17 9
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 6 9 15 11
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 7 8 15 11
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 9 6 15 11
Tamworth Two 2388.085 5 7 12 14
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 6 5 11 15
Dyna Hard 2396.135 6 3 9 17
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 4 5 9 17
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 4 4 8 18

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 11 8 19 7
Dyna Hard 2396.135 6 10 16 10
Tamworth Two 2388.085 7 9 16 10
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8 7 15 11
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 7 8 15 11
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 7 6 13 13
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 7 5 12 14
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 6 4 10 16
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 5 4 9 17
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 1 4 5 21

 

Team Total Points Wins with  schedule 1 Wins with  schedule 2 Total Wins Total Losses
Dynasore Losers 2478.93 8 10 18 8
DynaForOne Firebirds 2397.8 8 8 16 10
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 2494.355 8.5 7 15.5 10.5
Here Comes The Brees 2258.885 7 8 15 11
Dyna Hard 2396.135 8.5 6 14.5 11.5
Tamworth Two 2388.085 7 6 13 13
Champions of the Sun 2392.665 6 6 12 14
Dynablaster Bombermen 2297.19 5 7 12 14
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 2008.795 3 5 8 18
East Flanders Dungeoneers 2138.915 4 2 6 20

So with this method we end up with more match-ups and more rivalries, but there’s a risk that too many games are happening at once and we lose a bit of focus. It could be more fun or it could be confusing and, frankly, I don’t think we’d know until we did it.

OPTION 2 – VICTORY POINTS

So, under this scenario, each team would get 2 points for a win and 1 for a tie, rather than the traditional W/L result, but what we add in is 2 further points for the top 3 scoring teams in the week, 1 point for the 4 teams that score in the middle and 0 points for the 3 lowest scoring teams. This way, if you are the second top scoring team in a week, and you lose to the top scoring team, all is not lost! You still get 2 points towards your playoff push.

Want examples? Why sure. In week 1 of the 2014 season, the top scoring team beat the 4th top scoring team while the 2nd top scoring team beat the 3rd top scoring team. So under the victory point scenario, Dynablaster Bombermen would have scored 1 point despite the loss and Dyna Hard 2 points, despite their loss.

What would last season’s table have looked like?

Team Victory Points Scoring Points Total Points
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 16 18 34
Dynasore Losers 16 17 33
DynaForOne Firebirds 14 15 29
Here Comes The Brees 16 12 28
Dynablaster Bombermen 14 12 26
Champions of the Sun 12 14 26
Tamworth Two 12 13 25
Dyna Hard 10 14 24
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 10 8 18
East Flanders Dungeoneers 10 7 17

Less of an impact – the same 4 teams in the playoffs and a little shuffling lower down, but I think you’d agree that it is a slightly more fair representation of the quality of teams.

The advantage is that even if you’re clearly beaten or going up against a team that is much stronger you still have something to cheer and getting a few more points in your Monday night game could give you an extra point and push you a step closer to the playoffs.

OPTION 3 (?!?) – COMBINED DOUBLE HEADERS AND VICTORY POINTS!

Using the first double header table to construct a double header and victory points table, we get the following:

Team Total Wins Total Losses Victory Points Scoring Points Total Points
Dynasore Losers 18 8 36 17 53
Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules 17 9 34 18 52
Dyna Hard 16 10 32 14 46
DynaForOne Firebirds 13 13 26 15 41
Tamworth Two 13 13 26 13 39
Champions of the Sun 11 15 22 14 36
Dynablaster Bombermen 12 14 24 12 36
Here Comes The Brees 12 14 24 12 36
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 9 17 18 8 26
East Flanders Dungeoneers 9 17 18 7 25

 

 

Mock Draft 1.0

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So we’re only 2 weeks and 3 days away from the beginning of the draft. The NFL draft that is. We’re still over 2 months from the DynaBowl draft or, as we like to call it, the main event.

Anyway, given we have no idea where the rookies are going – something that will have a large impact on the desirability of some players, I mean, do you want to draft a Cleveland Brown? – it seems like the ideal time to have some wild stabs in the dark as to who will select which player when.

First up to the plate (nothing like mixing our American sports, it’s Dyna Hard.

FIRST ROUND

1. Dyna Hard – Todd Gurley – RB

The consensus top prospect and Dyna Hard doesn’t buck the trend. Sure, Jamaal Charles and Alfred Morris are already in town, but Charles won’t last forever – rumour has it Hard are willing to trade him and given his cap hit that’s not surprising – and depth at RB is always good. It’s a limited position and Gurley is a great prospect. That said, don’t rule out Hard moving down in the draft to cut a precious few dollars from the rookie cap hit, perhaps storing up picks for 2016.

2. The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness – Melvin Gordon – RB

This was a difficult call. DoS are weak all over the pitch, barring a couple of big stars at WR in Bryant and OBJ. Perhaps the thought will be trying to find a third big star at WR to possibly create the most fearsome receiving corps in the league, but with such little talent at RB, Gordon seems too good an option to pass up. Again, moving back to try and accumulate picks isn’t out of the question if DoS see the right offer coming in.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – Kevin White – WR

The Dungeoneers have quietly built an impressive running back stable so would most likely pass on the top two prospects even if one of them fell this low. No, WR is where the need is, a position where ‘underperformance’ was the new ‘performance’ in 2014. White did himself plenty of favours with the watching public at the combine and leapt up plenty of draft boards, and I’m willing to bet that the Dungeoneers’ was one of them.

4. Tamworth Two – Devante Parker – WR

Tamworth may like the idea of jumping up a couple of slots to pick up a RB now that McCoy and Jackson are in the same town, but with Jeffrey, Landry and Wallace as the top 3 WRs, they may fancy staying put and taking their favoured player. If only one WR is off the board, Tamworth should be happy. The conventional move would be to go for Cooper, but he’s been slipping on boards recently and with the DynaBowl being a non-PPR league he loses further shine. Add to that the possibility of Cooper landing in Cleveland and you have a perfect storm for a player dropping like a stone. Parker is a great prospect, don’t get me wrong, and Tamworth will be delighted to get their man.

5. Her Comes The Brees – Leonard Williams – DE

Having sold defensive playmaker Marcell Dareus to move up to this position (along with gaining DeSean Jackson and a swap up in the 4th too), the Brees take Williams who they hope will prove to be a JJ Watt-style outlier. People have called Williams the best player in the draft, but he’s been taking some knocks recently. This is a gamble but if it pays off it could help the Brees back to the Bowl.

6. Dynablaster Bombermen – Amari Cooper – WR

A relative no-brainer for the Bombermen, Cooper is the best prospect left on the board and one the Bombermen will be surprised is still available. Given the depth of young WR talent on the Bombermen roster, this may be a case of reluctantly taking a player though. If Cooper falls this low, don’t be surprised if they try to move down, cashing in the pick to a more WR-needy team.

7. Kelkowski… – Jameis Winston – QB

With only QBs of either questionable health or questionable talent on the books, Kelkowski decide to take a chance on one with questionable character instead. Having missed out on the top tier of talent and with good depth at both RB and WR, they see this as a great spot to lock up a franchise QB who might live through a season without being terrible.

8. Dynasore Losers – Dorial Green-Beckham – WR

This was a tough call. The Losers are a candidate to move up to grab a player of their choice – a RB might be desirable but with AP surely coming back and Matt Forte still going strong, depth at WR seems more important. After Jordy Nelson things are shaky – Peyton fell away and points dried up for Sanders, Gordon may not play again, Torrey Smith is going to try to catch balls from Colin Kaepernick. DGB is a risk but with the right landing spot could turn out to be a beast.

9. Champions of the Sun – Breshad Perriman – WR

On a name basis, this was a candidate for Kelkowski. The fastest WR at the combine has caught the eye of the Champions (not to be confused with the champions, who pick at 10). The Champions will also be tempted by the backs but with McKinnon and Spiller both looking to build in newly won positions or at new teams, the depth should be enough.

10. DynaForOne Firebirds – Dante Fowler – DE

Some people think he’ll go before Williams and could be just as disruptive a defensive player. The Firebirds are stacked at WR and with Lynch and Anderson at RB take the risk at getting a 10-year, top 10 player at his position. Or that’s what they hope. The offence was a beast last year, this pick could give the defense the same kick.

SECOND ROUND

1. Dyna Hard – Danny Shelton – DT

Hard would really like a WR here but the value has gone from that market and having gone RB early they’re not looking to take another. Instead they look to the top tackle in the draft to pair with JJ Watt. If this scenario were to happen, expect the Hards to be very keen to trade back for a WR.

2. DoS – Ameer Abdullah – RB

The Sadness, on the other hand, are happy to take a second RB, bolstering their numbers. It’s a case of BPA from here on in.

3. East Flanders Dungeoneers – Marcus Mariota – QB

The Dungeoneers might be keen to trade up to make sure they get their man, should Winston go as early as projected here. Brees, Foles and Osweiler are not a happy group and Mariota would certainly put a smile on coach Conaghan’s face.

4. Tamworth Two – Jay Ajayi – RB

They got their WR in the first round and they’re happy to pick up a player who many projected to go in the first round here to fill up their RB corps.

5. DoS – Devin Funchess – WR

Having gorged himself on two RBs, GM Geoffrey Manboob has Funchess for dessert, and very happy with his first two rounds he is too.

6. Bombermen – Shane Ray – DE

Having taken a WR they didn’t really need, now they take a defensive end they really could use. Cameron Wake isn’t getting any younger and Mario Williams will be expensive to extend. Ray might soothe the blow.

7. Kelkowski – Vic Beasley – LB

They may have about 15 men on the roster competing for 3 or 4 starting LB spots, but only one, maybe two, are up to Beasley’s standard – if that. Beasley can be a difference maker and sack machine in the right landing spot. Will Kelkowski be that spot?

8. Losers – Tevin Coleman – RB

They got a receiver in the first round so are happy to go the other way and take a back here. Coleman is the best man left on the board. But not for long.

9. Here Comes The Brees – Nelson Agholor – WR

The player I want to call Agbonlahor is the best receiver on the board and the man the Brees were targeting from the beginning. They’ve met with Nelson several times and have been rumoured to have been paying him through his college years. This is a lock, if nothing else on this board is.

10. Bombermen – TJ Yeldon – RB

The Bombermen end up with a receiver, a defender and a back from their first three picks and are pretty happy about it.

Around the Grounds: Week 2

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by Jaunty Coving

Welcome one and all to week 2 and join me now as we go… around the grounds.

The NFL was rocked this week by scandal as it was revealed that Here Comes the Brees GM, Ban Saycher, has attempted to sneak over-priced rookie RB Tre Mason onto his taxi squad in violation of league rules.  Sanctions from the league are pending but, in this reporter’s opinion, it is a true shame to see the sport we love brought so low.

Amongst this upheaval, Here Comes the Brees also cut RB Ray Rice, which nobody noticed because it wasn’t relevant or interesting in any way.

Arteveldestadion: Hogs @ Flahutes

The Tamworth Two arrived in the Arteveldestation on a high after a resounding week 1 victory, looking like one of the teams to beat in this year’s Owl.  This was the inaugural game for the Flahutes in their new home, a state-of-the-art green arena made of recycled tofu and broken dreams, built at tremendous expense by the local community of Moomins.

The Flahutes had their problems in the first game, not least of which was the absence of GM Philip Malcolm.  Malcolm gave a cursory press conference mid-week but, once again, it was Goodwill Childress, his Namibian adopted son, who was calling the plays at the weekend.

The Hogs started on the front foot with Adam Rodgers overcoming a very shaky start against the Jets to the biggest QB performance of the week, passing for 346 yards, 3 TDs and a 2 pointer, as well as scrambling for 28 yards.  Toby Gerhart’s incredible 1.1 YPC managed not to keep the Hogs down too much and they logged a decent score on offence for the day, laying the groundwork for their defence, which had been dominant in week 1, to do the business.

For all Goodwill Childress’ bluster, the Flahutes seemed at one point to be going quietly into the night with one of the lowest offensive totals heading into Sunday night.  Brandon Marshall added a sheen of respectability to proceedings with an unlikely 3 TD grabs and a strong showing from special teams kept the game close on the offensive side of the ball.

The Flahutes knew they needed something special on defence and were bolstered by the site of Gerald McCoy exiting for the Tamworth Two early on with a wrist injury.  Inspired, they put up good numbers across the defence, led by Sen’Derrick Marks (10.5), DJ Swearinger (14.5) and Jerod Mayo (7).  Any other week Childress could have been happy with Jason Hatcher’s 1.5 sacks but, considering the incredible 8 sacks given up by the Jacksonville O-line, he may feel this was an opportunity missed.

The injury to McCoy seemed to do nothing but fire up the Hogs D-line who still managed to score the most points on the week courtesy of 2 sacks for Jurell Casey and 2 sacks and a blocked punt TD for Chandler Jones.  The game was all but won at this point and the rest of Mames Goodsard’s defence put it away comfortably with the likes of Larry Foote, Kam Chancellor, Luke Kuechly and Alterraun Verner looking refined.

Tamworth Two confirmed their status as front-runners for the Owl after week 1 with the top scoring defence of the week.  With that side of the ball scoring so dominantly the offence just needs to keep ticking over as it is and more wins will come.  The Flahutes, meanwhile, slip to 1-1 but there was no shame in defeat here as they were actually the 4th top scoring team on the week.

Tamworth Two 183 – 157 East Flanders Flahutes

Jurassic Park: Sadness @ Losers

One of the bigger surprises of week 1 was the performance of the DynaSore Losers defence, a group not fancied by many.  After a home win last weekend, there came a good opportunity to go 2-0 thanks to another home game against week 1 strugglers the Dynasty of Sadness.  Sadness’ GM, Geoffrey Manboob, reluctantly agreed to play a more conventional formation in week 2 and the fans were relieved to see him name a starting quarterback, although some were nonplussed as to why sketchy sicknote Jake Locker had been given the nod over Cam Newton.

Such fears appeared well-founded as Locker struggled to 234 yards, 1 TD and 2 interceptions whilst Cam Newton put in one of the best QB performances of the week from the sideline.  The inconsistency epitomised by Locker seemed to pervade the whole offence as for every Dez Bryant (16.3 points) and Eric Decker (12.3) performance there was a Dwayne Allen (0) or Riley Cooper (0.8).  The Sadness limped to 72 points on offence, the worst showing of the week.

David Slater could be seen chuckling with star QB Peter Manning on the sideline as the pair watched the Sadness offence but the smile was quickly wiped from his face as Knowshon Moreno exited the game injured after only 1 carry for 4 yards.  With the rest of the Losers’ RB corps putting up only 6.8 points Peter had to step up and shoulder the burden.  He duly obliged, delivering a suitably high calibre performance and, along with Jordy Nelson and Jimmy Graham, the high power Losers offence showed some of the form we expected preseason with a dominant score.

With a nearly 40 point lead on Mangboob from offence the Losers, to be frank, didn’t need much from their defence but a matchup against a shocking Jacksonville O-line cares not for circumstance and Ryan Kerrigan strolled to 4 sacks and a monumental 31 points (this single performance was more than one other team’s entire defence would produce for the week, more of that later).  The rest of the Losers’ D shrugged their shoulders and went for ice cream, leaving Kerrigan to his work.

No-one would really have blamed the Sadness’ defence for going home early.  Most of their fans did.  They did a professional job, however, with the D-line in particular coming up trumps with plenty of tackles, a forced fumble and a sack between Calais Campbell and Jared Allen.  An injury to Eric Berry that could keep him out for some time was the salt in the wound of defeat for Geoffrey Manboob who left the stadium staring daggers at Cam Newton.

The Losers have got off to a strong start, albeit against teams that have started slowly.  It’s positively terrifying to consider what this team might do on offence when their RBs fire and with Josh Gordon still to come back.  The Sadness improved their points total from last week but still found themselves the worst scoring team and it looks like a long season ahead.  But who would have expected anything else?

Dynasty of Sadness 130 – 187 Dynasore Losers

Hudson Soft Play Arena: Firebirds @ Bombermen

Sometimes you just have one of those days.  It must have felt very much like one of those days to Danjamin Hendith as he sat on the sideline with AJ Green receiving treatment in the locker room and watching Antonio Gates catch his third TD pass of the game against the supposedly unplayable Legion of Boom.  Coming off the back of an unfortunate week 1 defeat to the Champions of the Sun the Bombermen must have felt confident of getting a win on the board against Neil Hawke’s so-far-underwhelming Firebirds.  It was just one of those days.

The misery wasn’t restricted to AJ Green’s goose egg.  After busting out for 43 points last week, Hendith could only watch as Brandin Cooks, Michael Floyd and Kelvin Benjamin sputtered to 11 points, leaving his receiving corps the worst of the week by some margin.  Matt Ryan and the RBs struggled similarly, with the exception of Giovani Bernard, and suddenly the Bombermen looked more like the team of raw talent that we thought had been drafted.

The Seattle San Diego game aside though, the Firebirds weren’t looking much better.  Big zeros from James Starks and Marques Colston plus underwhelming days from the Gronk and CJ2K left the game more open than one would have thought from the Bombermen’s lacklustre showing.

Both teams struggled similarly for consistency on defence too.  Ndamukung Suh and Leodis McKelvin came up with big plays for the ‘Birds whilst Trent Cole, Clay Matthews and (for the 2nd week in a row) Kyle Williams did similarly for the Bombermen.  With pathetic performances from Hawke’s LBs cancelled out by equal levels of Pap from Hendith’s DBs the result stayed the same.  The Firebirds’ advantage from wily vet Antonio Gates was enough to win the day.

The Bombermen came crashing back down to Earth this week with a combination of bad luck and youthful inexperience exposing some gaps on the roster.  This will likely be a team that yo-yos from week-to-week throughout the year, making them a risky, volatile opponent.  The Firebirds, meanwhile, seem to be a solid, if unspectacular, outfit at this point.  The strength of the roster is in Julio Jones and Demaryius Thomas and the defensive tackles who have, with Suh excepted, been quiet through 2 weeks.  If the big names don’t start to produce the Firebirds could end up mired in obscurity this year.

DynaForOne Firebirds 150 – 140 Dynablaster Bombermen

Mahoney Memorial Stadium: Champions @ Rules

It was only week 2 of the season but already some media outlets had built this game up into a potential Owl preview as the two top scorers from week 1, and divisional rivals, went head-to-head at Mahoney Memorial Stadium.  The hype was only exacerbated by fightin’ talk from both GMs prior to the match.  In the end, however, the encounter was disappointingly one sided.

Champions’ GM The Dayman had been complaining prior to kick-off about injuries to his roster (though in truth, few of the team that started last week were injured).  Nothing seemed particularly amiss at first as Jay Cutler put in the 2nd best QB performance of the week and the Champions’ RB corps put up the week’s highest total to boot.   Unfortunately the Champions’ thin roster was quickly exposed as their receiving corps and special teams put up the 2nd worst combined score of the week to counterbalance this.  Despite these problems the Dayman’s boys racked up a respectable 104 points on offence without leaving any big plays on the bench.

After a dominating week 1 performance, Jan Kelkowski must have felt confident that his team could outscore the Champions, even with their decent offensive showing.  Although Colin Kaepernick misfired the same could not be said for the rest of the offence.  DeMarco Murray and Arian Foster nearly outscored the 3-man Champions’ running attack on their own and the Rules’ receiving corps put up a punishing 74 points thanks to Delanie Walker (20) and Randall Cobb (18).

With the ball turned over to the defences, Rules had a healthy 38 point lead but couldn’t afford to be complacent against week 1’s top-scoring defensive unit.  Kelkowski’s line was quiet, shuffling for only 6 points but Karlos Dansby and co. put in a strong showing at LB.  Inspired by the play in front of them Darrelle Revis and Bernard Pollard combined for 13 tackles, a sack and an interception to give Kelkowski the 4th highest scoring defence to go with his top scoring offence.

The bar was set high for the Champions as they needed 104 points from the defence, exactly 1 point more than they’d scored the week before.  With Cameron Wake and Robert Quinn ready to chow down on their opponents like Kobyashi steak though, anything was possible.  Unfortunately, instead of the ferocious Champions’ pass rush, a group of Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie impersonators took to the field instead and, in that light, the 30 points scored by the Champions’ defence should be seen as a positive.  Even if it was 1 fewer point than Ryan Kerrigan scored on his own.

Kelkowski’s DynaRules look like strong early favourites for the Owl as the only team to post consecutive 200 point performances.  Their receiving corps is, frankly, terrifying.  The only concern might be a reliance on a pair of brittle running backs but neither Arian Foster or DeMarco Murray are showing any signs of breaking down yet.  The Champions, meanwhile, went from first to worst on defence though if Jay Cutler and their running backs can keep the production up, their pass rushers could propel them to the playoffs yet, even though there will be some prize turkey weeks like this.

Champions of the Sun 134 – 208 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules

Nakatomi Plaza Stadium: Brees @ Hard

Two teams entered the blood-soaked arena in the basement of Nakatomi Plaza in downtown LA with violence on the mind.  For Ban Saycher, the sight of his hero, Drew Brees, in opposing colours had left him in a murderous rage all week..  For Chris Braithwaite, the pain of leaving everything out on the field but still being trodden on by the DynaRules was raw and his team was pumped up, knowing a similar performance would likely result in the win.

The early news for the Breeses was bad as an injury to Doug Martin kept him out of the game.  An early knock to RGIII also hurt them as his replacement, Kirk Cousins, seemed not to have much Chemistry with Brees’ WR Pierre Garcon, resulting in only 12 yards worth of production for the usual target machine.  Dispirited by this, the rest of the Breeses’ offence limped to the half.  Andrew Luck’s connection with his TEs, Zach Ertz and Martellus Bennett provided some good numbers but the RBs and WRs were a wasteland of morose sighs that left the Breeses second only the Dynmension of Sadness in poor offensive play.

Scenting blood, the home crowd of coke-fuelled corporate suits and sophisticated German terrorists roared their team on.  An early injury to Jamaal Charles had the opposite effect on the Hards as Garcon’s had on the Breeses as the rest of the team rallied round to cover.  Alfred Morris smashed the Jacksonville run defence for 85 yards and two scores while Sammy Watkins built on his week 1 promise for 117 yards and a TD.  In total the Hards offence romped home with 105 points, the third best offensive score of the week.

At half-time Ban Saycher could be seen imploring and chastising his team in equal measure before a firm slap on the rump of each man sent his defence out to do their work.  Clearly disgusted with their offensive counterparts, the Breeses’ D set about building a good score.  Aaron Donald continued to show his promise as he came home with 17 points and Daryl Smith (15) and Tramon Williams (16) put in big contributions too.  The rest of the defence was solid but not spectacular and at the end of it Here Comes the Brees were only up 38 with DynaHard’s entire defence yet to play.

Call it complacency, call it bad luck, call it what you will but the DynaHard defence fell at the final hurdle on the field.  A sack for Von Miller and a fumble recovery by CJ Mosley were the only big plays on the team as the unit combined for only 34 points, leaving them agonizingly short of the win and dropping them to 0-2.

Chris Braithwaite can point to injuries to Charles and Ryan Matthews or to the decision to leave Bryan Anger on the bunch.  A change in any of the 3 would have given DynaHard the win.  They’re not a bad team though and should be able to recover to respectability from here.  The injury to Charles and Greg Hardy’s move to the exempt list may put a kibosh on more ambitious aims for the season though.  For the Breeses, they showed here that they can win in a tight spot and scrap for a result.  It wasn’t pretty but it got the job done and they’ll need more results like that to build a good season off the back of this win.

Here Comes the Brees 143 – 139 Dyna Hard

Standings

Rk Franchise W-L-T Strk PF PA Div
PETER
1 Tamworth Two 2-0-0 W2 370 291 2-0-0
2 Dynasore Losers 2-0-0 W2 350 255 1-0-0
3 East Flanders Flahutes 1-1-0 L1 328 331 1-1-0
4 Here Comes the Brees 1-1-0 L1 299 304 0-1-0
5 The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness 0-2-0 L2 257 374 0-2-0
TIM
1 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No DynaRules 2-0-0 W2 423 331 2-0-0
2 DynaForOne Firebirds 1-1-0 W1 275 303 1-0-0
3 Champions of the Sun 1-1-0 L1 362 404 1-1-0
4 Dyna Hard 0-2-0 L2 336 366 0-1-0
5 Dynablaster Bombermen 0-2-0 L2 336 377 0-2-0

 

Week 3 Games

  • The game of the week takes place at Mahoney Memorial Stadium where someone will lose a perfect record as DynaRules take on the Tamworth Two.
  • DynaHard, meanwhile, face a tough task to record their first win as they take the helicopter to Isla Nublar to face David Slater’s 2-0 Dynasore Losers.
  • The bookies think MANGBOOB may have a chance for his first win at the Firebird Dome in what is predicted to be a very close game between the Sadness and the ‘Birds.
  • Here Come The Brees come to Paddy’s Pub uncertain whether they will face the dominant Champions of week 1 or the timid laughing stock of week 2. Vegas thinks they have the edge though and who are we to argue with them.
  • Danjamin Hendith will look to break the losing streak in their second home game of the season as they entertain the East Flanders Flahutes in a favourable matchup.

Around The Grounds: Week 1

Around The Grounds League Business No Comments

by Jaunty Coving

Welcome to a new season of fantasy football and the first ever edition of Around the Grounds, the weekly recap column highlighting the movers and shakers in the world’s premier fantasy football league, the Dynabowl. Each week this reporter will be taking you through the different matchups of the week looking for big plays, important calls and missed opportunities.

The Drew Brees Memorial Stadium: Flahutes @ Brees

We start off at the Drew Brees Memorial Stadium with its iconic onyx and jade statue on the external concourse, depicting the legend himself in seductive repose. There are times in the pre-season where Brees boss Dan Saycher seemed a little overwhelmed by his new position. That, combined with the sour taste felt by fans at seeing Drew Brees in the colours of the Flahutes, led to an apprehensive air around the stadium pre kick-off. This was nothing compared to the storm of controversy when Flahutes manager Phil Malcolm didn’t even turn up to the match though. His team and backroom staff appeared in panicked disarray when they realised their GM wasn’t in attendance and this reporter merely shook his head in weary resignation to see the glorious game brought low.

In the early game, the Breeses stuttered on offence with Bernard Pierce and Brian Hartline, in particular, looking out of their depth at this level. Respectable showings from Zach Ertz (a star in the making) and Miami Dolphins forgotten man Lamar Miller masked some of the pain. Unfortunately it was a weak late effort from the Breeses too as Doug Martin and Keenan Allen fluffed their lines and Victor Cruz could only watch in bafflement as Eli Manning gave the ball away to the Lions’ defence rather than pass it to him. The lone bright spot on offence, a position this player is used to, was Andrew Luck whose trademark black magic nearly brought the Colts back into a game where they should have been dead and buried.

Things weren’t much better for the Breeses on the defensive side of the ball either where the DEs and LBs looked disinterested, failing to make plays. Rookie DT Aaron Donald had a promising debut with a pair of tackles for loss and Harrison Smith, the week’s top scorer, tried to make up for the unit’s deficiencies with a monumental 80 yard pick 6. From the bench Michael Bennett, Kendall Wright and Christian Kirksey could only watch as their teammates floundered.

The Breeses were there for the taking but with the confusion on the bench, it remained to be seen if the Flahutes could take advantage. In the absence of the GM, team affairs and play calling was handled by Goodwill Childress, Phil Malcolm’s 15-year-old Namibian adopted son. Probably the biggest decision to be made was the call on TE with the Flahutes being particularly stacked at that position. Childress opted for Charles Clay and Jason Witten and the decision looked like that of an adolescent as the two combined for a paltry 4.1 points as the 14.9 points of Kyle Rudolph and Dennis Pitta fumed on the side-line. Seemingly unhappy at playing against his home club, Drew Brees put in a lacklustre showing too and this matchup really started to look like it would come down to who could be the least incompetent. The Flahutes’ defence wasn’t having any of it though and, led by San’Derrick Marks, Chicago’s Willie Young and Flacco-nut-crusher Vontaze Burfict they racked up good points in a ferocious 3-4 formation. In the secondary Jairus Byrd forced a fumble to score some big points too and, fortunately for Childress, the Flahutes claimed the win despite leaving big points on the bench in the form of Raiders’ LB Sio Moore (31.0) and Seahawks’ CB Byron Maxwell (18.35). What the future holds for the GM-less Flahutes is less certain but, for now, they are 1-0 and able to reflect on a win, if a shaky one.

East Flanders Flahutes 165 – 147 Here Comes the Brees

Through the Looking Glass: Two @ Sadness

Thunderheads glowered over the dilapidated shell of the Looking Glass as the 4th Dynmension of Sadness fans prepared for another season of disappointment under long-suffering GM Geoffrey Manboob. The history of this franchise is a storied one of failure and heartbreak with any meagre success being only a precursor to a greater downfall. The Tamworth Two, meanwhile, came off a fine pre-season raring to go and their boisterous fans (or Hogs as they call themselves) filled the stadium with their oinking.

The tone of the game was set early on when Sadness quarterback Cam Newton briefly appeared from the locker room door, sniffed the air, shook his head and went back in, curling into a foetal position and refusing to play. Young whippersnapper Jake Locker scampered around the GM’s feet asking to play but the man they call MANGBOOB decided instead to run a strange wildcat formation for the game. Freed of the need to even consider pass-blocking, the Sadness O-line made a decent fist of run-blocking, allowing Montee Ball, Joique Bell and Shane Vereen to amass a good total, combining for 3 TDs and 154 rushing yards. For one of the cheaper RB attacks in the league it bodes well for the season ahead.

Unsurprisingly, however, the pass attack fared less well with none of the Sadness receivers cracking double figure points off trick plays and passes from punter Brandon Fields. On the other side of the ball, the Sadness LBs put up a good show with 37 total tackles but the expensively assembled secondary largely moped around uselessly and DE Calais Campbell walked off the field after one snap, muttering something about leaving the iron on at home. He did not return. The Sadness can look forward to having Linval Joseph back next week at least after he fully recovered from his accidental nightclub shooting in the off-season.

Without wishing to be unkind, Mames Goodsard could have sent out his practice squad and come away with a win against the shambolic Dynmension of Sadness this week. It is a testament to the man’s professionalism that his team played and played hard. Offence was a mixed bag with Adam Rodgers struggling against the Seahawks D, Alshon Jeffery struggling with injury and Michael Crabtree struggling under the weight of his combined ego and sense of entitlement. Vernon Davis had a big game though with 2 TDs and Mike Wallace showed that maybe last season was a blip, coming up with 12.1 points despite his dinghy being moored at Revis Island for the whole game.

A modest Tamworth Two attack was completely shown up by a dominant defensive display. Potential DPOY candidate Gerald McCoy led the charge with 8 tackles and a sack but outgoing DPOY Luke Kuechly wasn’t willing to be outshone, coming away with a sack of his own, a forced fumble and 9 tackles. Overall the Two’s LB corps was the strongest on the day. A strong secondary showing and good scores across the board left the result in no doubt as the Tamworth defence easily put the misfiring Sadness offence to bed. The Tamworth Two look strong for the season to come with a good first team showing backed by the best scoring bench in the league this week. For the Dynmension of Sadness, the season could be a long one unless MANGBOOB can persuade his star players to start playing up to their salaries.

Tamworth Two 187 – 127 4th Dynmension of Sadness

Jurassic Park: Firebirds @ Losers

It was a glorious, sunny day on Isla Nublar as Neil Hawke brought his Firebirds to Jurassic Park to face-up against pantomime villain David Slater’s DynaSore Losers. Hawke’s team had already put up 44 points from Seattle’s whipping of Green Bay on Thursday, setting the Losers onto the back foot immediately. Slater was said to be in confident mood though, trusting in, among others, his elite running-back group to get him through.

Matt Forte duly obliged with 169 yards from scrimmage, although he did miss the end zone. Adrian Peterson and Reggie Bush struggled somewhat, the former putting up decent yards but no scores and the latter suffering from shared time with Joique Bell. With 19.4 point-scoring Knowshon Moreno on the bench Slater may wonder if he made the right call, though it would have been a brave move to put Moreno in for the first week given his uncertain situation in Miami. The fans will surely be clamouring for him next week now though.

The rest of the Losers’ offence put up fairly solid numbers but only Peter Manning really lived up to expectations with a 22.46 point performance. The Losers will surely look for more luck in the end zone from the likes of Jordy Nelson and Jimmy Graham in future weeks.

The Firebirds’ offence, meanwhile, were in buoyant mood, spurred by a huge haul from Marshawn Lynch and Russell Wilson. The rest of the offence duly obliged with Chris Johnson scoring 15.1 points on his Jets debut and Rob Gronkowski finding the end zone. Hawke may wonder what could have been for Julio Jones though as the receiver racked up 116 yards but fumbled at the goal-line once and was stopped on it a second time.

On offence, the two teams were almost perfectly poised, each scoring 98 points and change. Like other key matchups this week, this game would come down to the defences. The serious question marks hung over the Losers as David Slater had seemed to take a somewhat dismissive approach to defence on draft day and, looking across the field to the likes of Geno Atkins and Ndamukong Suh on the Firebirds’ line he may have harboured some doubts about this approach.

He needn’t have worried. Neil Hawke could be seen bouncing up and down the Firebirds’ touchline in frustration as his defence failed to create anything of significant value. Suh and Atkins both misfired and Derick Johnson succumbed to an ACL tear likely to keep him out for the season. Mason Foster pulled 9 tackles out of the bag but with such a poor performance from his line, Hawke needed his secondary to put up big numbers. Unfortunately they could not oblige. Despite putting up solid numbers, a lack of big plays left the Firebirds in a hole with by far the weakest defensive showing of the week.

With their opponents so ineffective, the Losers strolled him with the win, big plays from William Moore and Logan Ryan propping them up and DeAndre Levy nearly outscoring the Firebirds’ D on his own. Levy finished the day with 2 tackles for a loss, 10 total tackles, 1 pass defended and an expertly controlled interception for 21.05 points.

For the Firebirds, better days will be ahead. The talent on defence did not produce in the moment but should be fine over the season and with a slick looking Seattle offence leading the line they can rely on some big numbers. The Losers’ policy of older, big names on offence did not pay off handsomely in Jurassic Park today but, like the Firebirds’ defence, they will over the season and, even on an off day, they put up good numbers. The key for the Losers will be whether their unheralded defence can continue to put up solid, middle-of-the-pack numbers to season’s end to bolster them.

DynaForOne Firebirds 125 – 162 Dynasore Losers

Paddy’s Pub: Bombermen @ Champions

A mish-mash crowd of hobos and vaudevillian stage magicians gathered around the old recreational field behind Paddy’s Pub to watch as The Dayman’s pet project NFL team played host to the Dynablaster Bombermen and their half-Canadian, half-Commissioner GM Danjamin Hendith. Coming into the season, both teams could have been pegged as ones more for the future with their eyes firmly on youth in the draft so there was little expectation of immediate fireworks in this matchup (Editor’s note: no allegation or reference to ongoing criminal proceedings was intended by the previous statement).

The Champions came out of the gate hard on offence as a flurry of activity in the 2nd quarter saw big scores for Roddy White, CJ Spiller and DeAndre Hopkins. Jay Cutler waxed and waned across the game, at points jumping ahead through a TD pass, at other times leaving the Dayman with his head in his hands by throwing a pick to Bomberman DT Kyle Williams, causing a 12 point swing in one play. Le’veon Bell also scored well for the Champions, sprinting to 197 total yards and a score. The only black spots on the Champions’ day on offence were early injuries to Ben Tate and Jordan Reed, forcing both out of the game before they could make significant impact. The Dayman can, at least take solace in the fact that Tate’s likely replacement is already on the roster between Terrance West and Isaiah Crowell.

At half time in this fixture things were not looking good for the Bombermen who had yet to click on offence with AJ Green, in particular, uncharacteristically quiet. That would all change though as the Bengals WR exploded on a huge catch and run that left him on 19.6 points for the day. The Bombermen’s receiving corps as a whole performed excellently with big days for Kelvin Benjamin (15.2), Michael Floyd (12.1), Terrance Williams (11) and Greg Olsen (14.3). Although Hendith’s RBs were pedestrian by comparison, Matt Ryan led the team to 139 points on offence on the day, good for the 2nd highest scoring total.

With the Bombermen marginally ahead on offence both GMs turned to their defences to provide. Clay Matthews had already weighed in for the Bombermen on Thursday night with a forced fumble giving him a nice total to go alongside Kyle Williams’ pick of Cutler. The rest of the team could only muster a couple of sacks from Ahmad Brooks and Mario Williams though with the secondary, in particular, weak, able to come up with only 7.5 points between them. The field was open for the Champions to capitalise but could they?

The answer, simply, was yes. Cameron Wake led the way with 2 strip-sacks to propel him to 31.5 points, second highest point scorer on the week. Not wanting to be outdone, Jamie Collins’ forced fumble, Justin Houston’s 2 sacks and Wesley Woodyard’s sack and 5 tackles boosted the numbers, leaving the Champions with the 2nd best scoring LB unit for the week, behind only the Tamworth Two’s monster corps. A solid outing for the secondary, featuring a timely interception by Charles Woodson, sealed the deal and the Champions took the win with the highest score of the week. Despite that, the Dayman will have to manage his roster well to maintain the pace as the team lacks depth. The Bombermen can take solace in a good performance and the fact they were just unlucky to come up against a unit that just happened to hit it right on the day.

Dynablaster Bombermen 196 – 227 Champions of the Sun

Mahoney Memorial Stadium: Hard @ DynaRules

Kick-off was delayed at Mahoney Memorial stadium due to a highway chase en route in which maverick DynaRules GM Jan Kelkowski personally apprehended a pair of marijuana dealers at the cost of only several million dollars in infrastructure damage. Both teams arrived late as a result but the delay did not cause a dampening of the atmosphere, or the quality of football as both the DynaRules and Chris Braithwaite’s DynaHard put on a display of athletic ability.

Both offences ended up in the top 4 scoring units for the week (along with the Bombermen and the Champions of the Sun) with DynaRules, in particular, putting up almost unfeasible numbers. The receiving unit of Randall Cobb, Cor! Darelle Patterson, Jeremy Maclin, Calvin Johnson and Julius Thomas put up an incredible 600 all-purpose yards and 8 TDs and the number could have been even higher but for a shoulder injury to Jordan Cameron. With those kind of points on the board even underwhelming days from Arian Foster and Zac Stacy couldn’t stifle the exuberant Kelkowski who courted controversy by kicking a downed DynaHard cornerback left in Calvin Johnson’s dust on one particularly huge play.

Up against such terrifying numbers DynaHard rallied and began the fight back with Ryan Matthews (12), Antonio Brown (19.9) and Julian Edelman (12.35) adding plenty of yards on their own. Brown later added to the feisty atmosphere of the game by kung-fu kicking the DynaRules punter on a long return for which he may yet face a fine and a suspension, plus the unending ire of Kelkowski. Unfortunately for Braithwaite, the rest of his offence couldn’t put up his opponents’ numbers and, despite Matthew Stafford having one of his best ever career games, DynaRules outscored them by over 40 points on offence.

DynaHard were down but not out, however, and with superstar DE JJ Watt piling up 3 tackles (including 2 for a loss), a sack, a fumble recovery and pass defended and even a blocked extra point all was not lost. At the other end of the line, Greg Hardy put up similar numbers though Braithwaite will no doubt continue to face calls from the media and fans to drop Hardy as he waits for re-trial in his domestic abuse case. San Francisco safety Eric Reid and Oakland tackled Antonio Smith put up good numbers too ensuring that Kelkowski’s team couldn’t afford to slack if they wanted the win, even with that huge day on offence.

With DynaRules having targeted offence at the draft there was certainly reason for cautious optimism among the traveling fans and this was only heightened as stars Nick Fairley, Jason Pierre-Paul and Charles Tillman combined for only 3.75 points. It was a big day for Kelkowski’s players in new teams though as Karlos Dansby (new to the Browns) and DeMarcus Ware (new to the Broncos) combined for 1.5 sacks, 9 tackles and an interception to boost the numbers. With Navorro Bowman’s absence giving an opportunity hike to Patrick Willis’ IDP value too the DynaRules had enough steam to get over the line comfortably.

Going forward, like the Bomberman, DynaHard need not be discourage by defeat as they had strong numbers on both sides of the ball that should translate to wins in other weeks, particularly with a strong bench. The DynaRules, however, look like early front runners for the Owl with the highest potential points on the week and an absolutely devastating receiving corps. Kelkowski will need his undervalued defence to keep putting numbers up but if that happens they should be a very real threat.

Dyna Hard 196 – 214 Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules

Chatterbowl Champ Rates DynaBowl Runners & Riders

Power Rankings No Comments

Last year’s Supreme Chatterbowl Champion, and cruel snub in the Coach of the Year voting, Pete Conaghan steps forward to rate the 2014 rosters of the Dynabowl hopefuls after the inaugural auction… Without further ado, and in reverse order, we present the pre-season power rankings…

East Flanders Flahutes

Can a team have too many Tight Ends? Not if you are Norv Turner or the Flahutes, who have five current starters in that roster spot. While the Flahutes are strong (but not deep) at QB and RB, with Drew Brees expecting to play until he is 45, and have a solid but unspectacular receiving corps, it will be defense that lets them down, with a mixture of the aged and infirm putting them bottom of the big-play index. It is disturbing that after two weeks of intensive roster building, the Flahutes still only have 44 players.

One to watch: Kyle Rudolph, fresh off a new deal, could star in Minnesota’s new Air-Norvan offense.

Ranking: 10th

DynaForOne Firebirds

Like the car that shares their name, the Firebirds are all muscle up front, but does that mask a worrying fragility? Beast Mode provides the bulk , while Chris Johnson provides the indecision. The WRs are a fragile bunch, while Rivers and Russell Wilson are indestructible at QB. The Tight Ends include Finley, Gates and Gronkowski, but also Garrett Graham who can step in if all the others are injured at once. The Firebirds may not have enough firepower at RB.

Defense leans heavily on grizzled veterans Julius Peppers and Justin Tuck – can they reach the sack heights of previous years? Suh and Atkins provide the interior muscle, while the linebackers will rely strongly on tackle numbers. The team as a whole has a lot of questions to answer.

One to watch: Chris Johnson joins the circus. Look out, it will be entertaining.

Ranking: 9th

The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness

If I had to describe the Dynasty of Sadness in one word it would be: middle of the road. An unspectacular collection of established players on offense is backed up by a solid defensive unit. A group of dirt-dogs rather than stars, the Dynasty has put its faith in the gradual accumulation of points rather than Hollywood play, and has married this to the expectation of breakout performances by the likes of Montee Ball and Ladarius Green.  Cam ‘Hello Kitty’ Newton stands out on offense, ably backed up by the small-handed Minnesota QB, while Eric Berry and Lavonte David are the stars of the defense. A dark horse.

One to watch: Adam Vinateri provides some much-needed youth on offense. Will he be a star?

Ranking: 8th

Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules

Kelkowski also have the dubious honour of five starting Tight Ends, and have two of the marquee players in Thomas and Jordan. This is counteracted by having two QBs who have faced questions as to their  heart, commitment, and accuracy under pressure. While the Firebirds have Rivers and Wilson, Kelkowski have Romo and Kaepernick. While there is only one winner there, their meeting in week 4 should be interesting.

Kelkowski will be hoping for a big year from Arian Foster, but he is ably backed up by DeMarco Murray and Zac Stacy. The WR group looks fragile, though Megatron makes up for many ills.

An aging defensive line looks misleadingly lightweight in terms of points, due to several major injuries last year. While Fairley was a beast, Knighton underperformed last year compared to his on-field value, and the team will be hoping Demarcus Ware has a new lease of life across from Von Miller. If Dansby can maintain his form with Cleveland, and Cushing comes back strong, then this group is well backed up by a strong secondary.

One to watch: Cordarelle Patterson will thrive, if they can get him the ball.

Ranking: 7th

Tamworth Two

If Tamworth like running backs so much, why don’t they just marry them? A wide mix of player types mean the Hogs can pick and choose their strategy on any given week. More of a concern though, is whether Carson Palmer can stay upright with the level of pass rush he will face this season. Tamworth need another QB to provide depth at that position.  Much is expected of an underperforming  WR group, though the twin towers of Jeffrey and Jackson will alleviate concern there.

Defense is a strength for Tamworth, with a mixture of sacks and tackles being the order of the day.

One to watch: Eric Ebron should dislodge Ole Stone Hands Brandon Pettigrew in short order in Detroit.

Ranking: 6th

Dynablaster Bombermen

Literally anchored by Mark Ingram at RB, the Bombermen will hope for great things from the SF duo of Frank Gore and Carlos Hyde, now that Kendall Hunter is out for the season.  Giovanni and Ellington provide the spark for what is a great group of RBs. QBs and WRs are likewise young and exciting, with Johnny Football providing the glamour and a sprinkle of pixie dust.

Cooks, Floyd, Green and Williams lend the WR corps their explosiveness, which will be needed with the defense big on star power, but pretty pedestrian points-wise. The Williamses – the Buffalo Williamses – are the best bet for boosting the big-play index here.

The team is a pleasing blend of youngsters and vets, and should compete for the foreseeable future.

One to watch: Will Cooks make an impact for the Saints straight away?

Ranking: 5th

Champions of the Sun

The Champions have an interesting selection dilemma each week, neatly represented by their split personality QB corps. Should they go for gunslinger Jay Cutler, or mild-mannered accountant Alex Smith? Should they go for plodding Bell and Jones-Drew, or dual threat Spiller and Tate? Will they go with the big-play potential of Maclin and Jackson, or the red-zone chops of ‘fading’ stars Nicks and White? A nicely balanced group makes selection on offense difficult.

Defense is bolstered by the spectacular Robert Quinn, who is targeting 20 sacks this year, and is well backed up by a group of excellent, if mostly injured linebackers. Tackle numbers should be high with this group.

One to watch: Can Khalil Mack be a pass rush threat, or will he have his hands full against a rush-heavy schedule?

Ranking: 4th

Dyna Hard

Dyna Hard are well stocked at running back, with marquee names Charles and Morris leading the charge, but a dependency on Matthew Stafford could be worrying if he was to get hurt. At least he should have three quality receivers to throw to this year, allaying concerns about his decision making. The jury is still out on backup Sam Bradford, who may only see time on the bye week and in case of emergency.

Antonio Brown is the star among a motley WR crew. Tavon Austin and Julian Edelman need to produce, but Dynahard may be hoping for an immediate impact from Buffalo’s Sammy Watkins.

Greg Hardy’s upcoming hearing with the NFL will be of concern on D, but JJ Watt and Osi U should be able to fill in adequately. Miller, Clowney, Worrilds and Ogletree should be a source of sacks galore, making this front seven a potential difference-maker on any given week.

One to watch: Can you say YAC? Manuel to Watkins is one to watch.

Ranking: 3rd

Dynasore Losers

Drafting established stars seems to have been the MO for the Losers, with solid depth all through the team. Win Now is the mantra on Offense: there are a lot of miles on the RB and QB clocks, and that group may need to be totally rebuilt in the coming years. A lot will be expected of Emmanuel Sanders in Denver, and the difficulty again may be selecting the right starters among the WRs.

The opposite seems true of the defense, which has a nice mix of rookies and second- and third-year studs on the defensive line. Tamba Hali and Ryan Kerrigan provide the pass rush to complement Wilkerson and Dunlap.

One to watch: Will Derek Carr be the future of this team? Tune into Oakland games round about week 6 to find out.

Ranking: 2nd

Here Come the Brees

Balance. That’s the watchword of Here Come the Brees, who have assembled a team that pleases on most fronts. Youth and experience at QB is backed up by a (potentially) high quality stable of running backs. Likewise the WRs are a mixture of possession guys and big-time burners, with a lot of potential for big plays.

Defense consists of a collection of sack machines, who will ensure competitiveness on the defensive side of the ball. The toughest decision on both offense and defense could be who to play on any given week.

One to watch: Will Ray Rice be a distraction to the team? Can he rediscover his form of two years ago?

Ranking: 1st

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