A farce. A travesty. Disgusting. A breach of my human rights. But enough of what Farage said when he was asked to put a tab out in the pub, it’s time to talk Dynabowl, our only distraction from watching the world burn. A world which burns at least in part due to the AI-generated imagery so many teams have now adopted as their logos. But hey, at least some intelligence, artificial or otherwise, is being poured into this league.
That all seems rather downbeat for a celebration of all that we have collectively achieved in the past 12 months, but then we have to consider what exactly we have achieved since December 2024. Well, collectively we’re 11 years closer to the grave. Ordinarily these 11 years would be distributed in an even fashion but I am more than happy to gift my lost year to anyone else, along with a few extras. Hands up anyone who wants to forfeit 2 or more years of their life on my behalf. It’s got to be as good a way of achieving immortality as swapping my blood with my son every 7 days like Bryan Johnson. I’ll give you extra COTY points…
And on that note, time to talk COTY. I’ve been taking notes from the Oscars and, as well as wearing my best frock down the red carpet and heading to an after party with $50k gift bags, I’m going to be saving the best til last. By which I mean, you’re going to have to scroll down the page a fair whack to find out who the winner is this year. We’ll be starting with the questions people care the least about…
The NFL
Highest high
That bit where the man threw the ball real hard
That Bucs Bills game a few weeks back. Great entertainment. Secondly, nice seeing the Ravens fail in week 14.
40-41 Ravens and Bills. Probably the highlight of the year for the Ravens and we lost. Says a lot.
Nacua’s One handed catch
Hurts interception, defensive fumble, Hurts recovery, Hurts fumble.
Don’t know
Dallas’ comeback against Philly
There was a great Redzone sequence in like week 2 where we had 4 or 5 one possession games all ending at the same time. That was great.
Lowest Low
Jags rams game I paid a fortune to watch. Hags were awful. How are they in the playoffs
The entire saints season
The Rams losing to the Panthers. Who does that?
Refeering, again. You’ve got replay and you still get it wrong.
That bit where the man hardly really threw the ball
Red Zone seemingly deciding to show injury replays again
Philip Rivers coming out of retirement in a move of sheer desperation, and what is probably a dick move to the reserve reserve QB.
I’m not sure. I’m sure I’ll be reminded though
Marshawn Kneeland
Any other thoughts, comments or NFL issues you want to get off your chest?
None really.
Parity usually means that the bottom teams catch up, but this year it seems to be the worst ones catching up.
I should probably watch some at some point
None
See low points. At times you can’t help but think it’s rigged
nah im good
Too many uniform variations. I’m sure I said this last year
Not really. It’s been an enjoyable season, but not one that’s really been outstanding in any way. The refs have largely been fine.
I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good!
Who’s going to be playing in the Superbowl, come February, and which of those teams will win?
Rams Pats
Rams vs Pats
Rams v Texans. Rams will win.
My heart says Buffalo, but my head is wondering if the Texans might just have the defence and the form. From the NFC, I suspect it’ll be the Packers, but I’m picking the Rams in the hope they can stop them, this Packers team just isn’t fun.
Rams over Bills
Broncos v Rams – Rams to win
Rams and Broncos. Broncos to win.
Texans over Seahawks
Texans and Seahawks, Seahawks to win
So that’s 7 Rams, 2 Seahawks from the NFC, 2 Pats, 3.5 Texans, 1.5 Bills, 2 Broncos
“And who’s going to be the NFL MVP? – You can include some commentary on your pick if you like…”
Stafford wins comfortably on narrative, but Maye could sneak it if Stafford stumbles late on.
Stafford.
Stafford
Stafford
Josh Allen – I think people will hold the schedule against the Pats and Allen will have another couple of superman performances.
Sam Darnold because he’s the QB of the team who will win the Superbowl
Myles Garrett
Garrett for smashing the sack record
No idea
Stafford x 4, 2 x Garrett, 1 x Allen, 1 x Darnold (for spurious reasons as it’s based on regular season performance and announced before the super bowl takes place)
Dynabowl Stuff
Who is going to win the Superb Owl? Who will they face in the final? Don’t just give me the match-up.
Max
Maxxx
Chris will beat Max
Hard/Sun, Suns win
Max over Chris
Max will beat Chris
Max. He’ll beat Slatz in the final.
Losers v Champions of the sun. Champs to win.
Max v Slatz. Slatz to win
7 for Max to win, 1 for Chris, 1 for Slatz. No one went for the (now outgoing) champions. I mean, rightly, but also fuck you all.
Dynabowl related best moment
Another stat correction win
Not really a moment, but the tightness of the playoff race has been really good.
N/A
Adam’s monumentally low score
Winning more than one game
Me improving to nearly hit the playoffs
Max knows. But aside from that, the continuing domination of Tim
Lots of close matchups including a statement correction victory
nothing stood out…..see worst and other for why
Worst Dynabowl related moment
Lack of engagement from some GM’s
Missing the playoffs after getting close enough to lick it
I’m not sure there’s been anything?
Losing to Mike.
Probably that bit where Chris managed to get a useful player in a trade for a not-even-useful kicker
My injured reserve
all the injuries this season for everyone
My entire season
The difference in the Peter Tom divisions. Come on guys! The second season I’m not really trying and you can’t even win a few games
Any other Dynabowl commentary you need to get off your chest?
When do we do division re-alignment? Tim is just consistently shit.
It’s really good and I enjoy it very much: thanks for all your hard work Ben (and Chris and Slatz a bit)
How does max do it?
I feel for Neil. A really good, competitive season and missing out the playoffs by the narrowest of margins.
Nope
possibly the most random season for scoring i remember, especially for us.
The Sweat Kicker trade was just an awful lopsided trade and should never have been allowed
I need to stay away from trades
No
Most Valuable Player
Myles Garrett x 3
Jahmyr Gibbs x 2
George Pickens x 1
Josh Allen x 1
Jaxon Smith-Njigba x 1
Jonathan Taylor x 1
Rookie of the Year
Emeka Egbuka x 3
TreVeyon Henderson x 2
Tet McMillan x 1
Ashton Jeanty x 1
Tyler Warren x 1
Quinshon Judkins x 1
Best draft pick, now we have some data to go off?
Chimere Dike x 2 (Over 100 points for a 6th round WR)
Kyle Monongai x 2 (You shouldn’t get that value in round 10)
Egbuka x 1
Judkins x 1
Dart x 1
Henderson x 1
No idea x 1
Additional comments provided with the votes
Biggest pleasant surprise performer?
Javonte Williams x 3 (Personally I can’t look past Javonte Williams. A big part of why I was better than I expected and I never expected it for a second)
This framing doesnt make me feel like i should think as a neutral (why would i be pleased at someone else’s player doing well). But, as a neutral, buggedt surprise is George Pickens.
Chimere Dike. Over 100 points for a 6th round WR x 1
Daniel Jones x 1
Judkins x 1
James Pearce. Sacks in 7 straight games x 1
No idea x 1
Additional comments provided with the votes
Biggest fantasy let down (don’t include players who got injured)?
Jefferson
Brian Thomas Jr
Golden
Ashton Jeanty. But that’s more situation than skill.
Jeanty. The Raiders OL is truly terrible
Me
Loveland, probably just another slow starting TE but not been great for a 1st rounder
Saquon Barkley
I guess Saquon Barkley
Popular and unpopular culture
What’s the best (new) film you saw this year?
One Battle After Another
One Battle After Another – great art house action film.
According to my database it is One Battle After Another or The Long Walk
Wood robot (I only watch kids films nowadays and they usually make me cry)
(Did you mean Wild Robot? And did you vote for it last year too? Because someone did…)
Hot Frosty
All Quiet on the Western Front (the 2022 version). It was new to me, anyway!
I think the only new film I’ve seen this year is Wicked, so it’s that by default.
Can’t recall I have
i dont watch films
Alright, Michael Owen
What’s the best TV show you saw this year?
Mo. Hilarious, lovely and horrible and dark.
Destination x
The Kingdom. Attenborough at his finest
According to my (different) database it was Shogun
White Lotus season 1-2
I’ve watched a lot but I don’t feel like much has stood out. If ST5 nails the ending, then that.
Two of the best series of Taskmaster this year.
The Bear or IT: Welcome To Derry
Fallout
My memory is fucked because I’m struggling to remember anything. Let’s say Dept Q. That was really good.
Best (new or old) book you read this year?
A Spy Amongst Friends
The only book I have read this year that I recall is Hotel Avocado by Bob Mortimer but it was good
This Inevitable Ruin
Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett
What To Expect When You’re Expecting/The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Wind and Truth by Brandon Sanderson
The Psychology of Time Travel, maybe. Not brilliantly written but a really engaging story and interesting world.
I reread the Wheel of Time books in full over the summer, and coming to them without expectations or the build up of excitement for the next book made a pleasant difference.
None
Best album you bought / streamed this year?
I’m more of a playlists person than an album person but probably Bird by Low Island or maybe Sable, Fable by Bon Iver
Halcyon by Kingfishr
Wet Leg – Moisturiser
My Spotify wrapped thing was literally just the playlist that I play to keep myself sane while getting my kid to sleep. So none.
Sleepless Empire, Lacuna Coil N/A
People Watching – Sam Fender
None
nothing
Best game (video or board) released, or, at a push, that you discovered, this year?
i went back to minecraft….will that do? there was a patch
Lego Harry Potter on Switch
Galactic Cruise
Video: Mario Kart World, probably. Board: Bomb Busters (new) and Hansa Teutonica (old)
Balatro
Clair Obscur:Expedition 33
Blue Prince
Eesh: video game – Blue Prince; board game – Lord of the Rings; Fate of the Fellowship
None
Best podcast that was new to you this year?
Don’t do podcasts.
Nope
None
Nothing new in the rotation this year
nothing new, im happy in my safe space of existing ones
In my own back yard
Renegade Marketers Unite
The Lonely Island & Seth Myers podcast
Off Menu
What is the worst thing in popular culture at the moment?
AI slop
AI slop
AI
Donald Trump’s continued existence.
6-7 (other parents of a 9yo will agree)
Joe Rogan
Anything on TikTok
?
still hate non-boxers play fighting and claiming they’re helping boxing, they’re not, they’re shite
Good when they get punched in the face though, eh?
Any questions I should have asked but didn’t?
Nope
No
Should we jack it all in?
None
No
0
.
Nope!
Worst trade of the year!
And now, in reverse order, it’s time for Coach of the Year
10 – Adam Earle – East Flanders Dungeoneers – 4-10 – 1 point
Poor overall but points for JSN
Wasn’t able to recapture the magic from last year. Needs to string together a couple of good drafts (and actually turn up for free agency)
His team wasn’t an embarrassment (apart from that one game) which is worth something but none of those somethings are any COTY points
An unfortunate regression season for Adam, but he’s clearly going to do well in the future
From the final of the dynabowl to the final position. I’d give him minus points if I could for rostering two kickers, one a disgraced sex pest without a team and the other hurt, in week one and ending up with a 0. But then he went one worse and traded an actual player for a [mediocre] kicker later.
Seemed to disappear at the crucial part of the offseason, missing out on the chance of outbidding me on all the shit free agents I signed.
Is he even playing? I know he has a newborn but come on – priorities
no words, think he’d forget his lineup weekly if it didn’t email him to remind him
The less said, the better.
9. James ‘Goody’ Goodson – Tamworth Two – 5-9 – 2 points
IMO he badly misjudged the quality of his team by trading away draft picks. Lucky he didn’t give away the #1 pick, and is probably looking at giving up a decent pick next year too.
Gave up future picks for London as he thought he was going to be competitive. Clearly hasn’t got a clue
A kicker away from having traded away the number one overall pick for Drake London – maybe next year.
Poor old Goody, eh? Never seems to work out. I don’t recall any terrible trades this year for him at least.
Didn’t do as good a job as he usually does in building a defence.
another let down for peter this year.
None
Nothing to write home about
Bad. Deserved to be worse.
Obviously the best
8. Geoffrey Manboob – The Dynasty of Sadness – 5-9 – 4 points
This could be a really good team if they got better players.
Felt like he got worse and worse as the year went on.
Let down by Jackson having a mare
None
An unfortunate slide at the end of the season, after some promise early on. Mike doing Mike things
Mike and the Sadness are worse than Mike and the Mechanics.
The downturn is now reaching impressive levels. Even Adam lucked into the playoffs last year. It shouldn’t be possible to be this bad for this long
The absolute living spirit of “below average”. The consistency of underperformance is incredible.
sadness by name, sadness by nature, along with all of Peter needs to sort it out
7. Ben Archer and Stew Carter – Here Come The Brees – 6-8 – 5 points
That they only got 6 wins when they play everyone in Peter twice is abysmal. 1 sympathy point as they were still in the playoff hunt until the end
Remained relevant and in with a shot all season.
They’ll be disappointed – their roster looks like it should have done better than this.
Came the closest to challenging Slatz in Peter but a good offence wasn’t matched on defence for various reasons. Was the third highest scorer though so that deserves a point.
Third most total points, but couldn’t score them at the right time to clock up the wins. Harsh. Strong team though. A good off-season and they’ll be a force next year.
None
Taylor single handedly winning them game helps
yo-yo team, only wins when top scoring otherwise lose.
I can’t say they ignored everything but receiver this year, because they did spend picks on RB. I can say they ignored everything else again though.
6. Neil Hawke – Hawkesville Hurricanes – 8-6 – 6 points
Neil is back baby! Next year he will win it ALL!
Unlucky to miss out on the playoffs at the last minute, but was also pretty mediocre for most of the year.
Really unlucky. Was looking good to storm into the playoffs in the middle part of the season but just ran out of steam
Some green shoots but a worrying lack of depth let them down
unlucky not to make the playoffs. but its obviously easy when youre beating up on peter
None
N/A
Really good and unfortunate season. Devastating way to miss out on the playoffs when we all know it should have been Chris. The drought continues.
Life would have been more fun with Neil in the playoffs. Now all of this will be forgotten, like tears in the rain. Time to die.
5. Ian Kulkowski – Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules – 7-7 – 8 points
Disappointing show really. The only Tim team to finish below .501.
Disappointing.
Forgettable. Won a lot more games than he should have based on points scored.
A down year for Ian but managed to do some trading and get some value to be back stronger and his roster is still good and full of potential
Excellent at times
None
i got nothing
Somehow kept relevant with one of the worst rosters in the league
To have come last in Tim with a . 500 is something.
4. Ben Hendy – Dynablaster Bombermen – 8-6 – 16 points
usual consistency
Ben has built a good team but got unlucky with injuries this year. That he still managed to make the playoffs is an achievement
Unlucky as his roster completely fell apart. Relied on Allen and Gibbs to hang on and sneak into the playoffs
Very very hit and miss. Looked good early on, shit in the middle of the season, potentially hitting form at the right time?
Strong overall, especially with his QB and Gibbs
None
Despite some poor weeks, Ben’s coaching has shone through to get his boys to the post season
Jekyll/Hyde
Absolute dick move taking away Neil’s playoff spot just so he can go back to sucking immediately and lose the semi-final by 60. [Written before the semi finals happened]
3. David Slater – Dynasore Losers – 8-6 – 18 points
Well done Slatz (not that you need it)
doesnt really have to do much to be competitive, still tried to throw it away and not make the playoffs.
About time someone in Peter had a decent team. Good building on both sides of the roster but a particularly stacked offence.
That’s me.
Easily the best team in Peter but still managed to make hard work of it
This is a good long stretch of success, but with no Owl’s to show for it. Will this be his year?
None
Well he won the weak division, and is basically reliant on two star running backs having a great week, or he’s in trouble. Could still win it all.
Slatz has done a solid this year, fancy him to Win it All
2. Chris Braithwaite – Dyna Hard – 8-6 – 21 points
De-fault! De-fault! De-fault!
Not really hit the heights I was hoping for. Feel like most of my offense has underperformed and my lineup choices have been consistently absolutely shit.
Right up there as one of the best teams again as he almost always is and deservedly in the playoffs
Thought he was in for a down year at first but unfortunately not.
None
did enough for the playoffs. consistent team
Recovered after an awful start. Finished strongly to get in so in a good position to make some noise in the playoffs
Did well
One word for Chris – relentless.
1. Max Cubberley – Champions of the Sun – 11-3 – 49 points
Strong all season, despite his alleged inabilities. Me thinks he doth protest too much
10 points for not paying attention. Amazing.
So good. And Garrett too
The best team. The best coaching. The best tactic (not watching football all year).
New form, who dis?
None
Incredible stuff from the champ. Dominant from start to finish. Not a clue how he does it
What am I going to do, give Mike a pity point? No chance. Really only 2-3 coaches should get any points this year. So I’ve got no choice.
doesnt watch, doesnt care, but wins
| Position | Coach | Points |
| 1st | Max Cubberley | 49 |
| 2nd | Chris Braithwaite | 21 |
| 3rd | David Slater | 18 |
| 4th | Ben Hendy | 16 |
| 5th | Ian Kulkowksi | 8 |
| 6th | Neil Hawke | 6 |
| 7th | Ben Archer & Stew Carter | 5 |
| 8th | Geoffrey Manboob | 4 |
| 9th | James ‘Goody’ Goodson | 2 |
| 10th | Adam Earle | 1 |
And finally, as promised, the best has been saved until last… it’s Binary Choice time!
I guess the S or M and Top Down/Bottom Up questions line up, at any rate…