2015 Dynabowl COTY – The DynaBowl

2015 COACH OF THE YEAR

Place	Coach(es)	Team	Points
1st	Max Cubberley	Champions of the Sun	60
2nd	Chris Braithwaite & Steve Smith	Dyna Hard	36.5
3rd	James Goodson & Mat Ward	The Tamworth Two	18
4th	Ian Kulkowski & Jay Kelly	Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules	12.5
5th	Benjamin Hendy & Dan Smith	Dynablaster Bombermen	9.5
6th	Pete Conaghan	East Flanders Flahutes	4
7th	Ben Archer & Dan Sayles	Here Comes The Brees	3
=8th	Neil Hawke	DynaForOne Firebirds	2
=8th	David Slater	Dynasore Losers	2
10th	Geoffrey Manboob	The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness	0.5

Notes on scoring: 2 owners awarded 16 points rather than 15. Both of these teams were were docked 1 point from their total points. This made either no or minimal difference to the final scores. One owner only awarded 11 of the 15 points they could award. The remaining 4 points were NOT awarded to the commissioner, despite the threat in the voting form.

1st place – Max Cubberley

A really solid year. The only choice for COTY

Far and away the best team. An immaculately constructed roster and some luck on injuries. Except for losing LeVeon Bell
Didn’t put a foot wrong all year really
Strongest team by far, if he doesn’t win it won’t be his fault

Jammy bastard

No Comment
Clearly the strongest team from start to finish thanks to winning the WR lottery. Will lose in the first round of the playoffs
Amazing roster. Constantly quality. I love their players. Honey badger my defensive poty. Carson was a fantastic trade (for both teams). They fully deserve it if they win. Allen Robinson has been superb too

Ruined the league for everyone. It’s his fault this year was so boring.

Blinding year for Max and the Champs. Good work all round
Fully deserves his spot in the final. Done excellently in building a team, especially his scrap heap running backs.

What an utter cunt.

2nd place, Chris Braithwaite & Steve Smith JrSrJr

Was shit until Steve turned up

Really fantastic depth and consistently consistent. A bit lucky with the 1st pick mind…
Used the no 1 pick to great effect. Much improved and a real contender
They’ve totally redeemed themselves after last year’s debacle. The draft went as well as a draft can go, with Gurley, Mariota, Diggs and Lockett. Trading was brisk and efficient, picking up TY Hilton and offloading their trash with a minimum of fuss. Got Hurns back on the WW and they have the big play specialists on the team to destroy their opponent over a 2-leg Owl, if they get there….

What the fuck does Steve actually do?

No Comment
Good season for the ‘Harder, and for Steve’s rookie D Bowl season. Going to be very dangerous
A good year, especially with a rookie coach getting involved and those cap issues.
Hard to argue with Steve’s success as DynaHarder GM. The best team out there (that I’m allowed to vote for) and a dominant season. Not sure what that Chris guy does. Good luck charm maybe.
Well managed, very strong. Technically a kind of worst to first story – except they weren’t worst last year, no matter how the draft was lined up, and they couldn’t quite topple Max to be first. So not really first to worst then.
No Comment

We are the best. [No, you aren’t]

3rd place, James Goodson & Mat Ward

Eat it bitches

Lost 4 times to the top scores. Played the free agent market to drastically improve on the stuff Toby Gerhart. Aggressive in pursuing players and the 3 year strategy came good a tad early. Still an elite defence but lack quality WRs. Which will change next year…
Spectacular results to pull in a #3 power rank. I am pretty sure it is all luck though.
Excellent trade work, will be interesting to see if they might become a one or two season wonder though.
Good solid team and management. Know what they want and go all guns to get it.

Winning Peter is like winning the NFC East.

Much improved but winning in Peter is no great achievement.
Winning Peter is not really something to brag about. 8 games against that lot unfairly stack the fixtures in their favour.
T2 are a pleasure to deal with and did very well this season, riding a weak Peter division to the playoffs via good solid roster construction and Jarvis Landry’s ability to get get 15 points every week from somewhere. There are some obvious roster weaknesses but they mitigated them well.
Instead of a trophy they should get a copy of the rules and be forced to actually read them.
No comment

Cheated to win. any victories now have a *

4th place, Ian Kulkowski & Jay Kelly

Fantastic recovery to get in the playoffs

I guess they deserve some recognition for sneaking into the playoffs.
Should be COTY for the second year running for being the most consistent franchise.
How do they do it?! Some inspirational free agent signings supplemented an already strong team and, after an initial stutter, they’re coming into good form at the right time. I begrudgingly applaud.

The first losing record to make the playoffs. A disgrace.

Back from the dead to win what they probably should have last year? No. Should beat TT though.
Seem to be playing by the rules…
Pulled the season out of the fire again by making the playoffs for the second year in succession.
They give the best trash talk…about their own team.
Impossible to trade with
Expected better from these guys

We started poorly, but have come roaring back. I think we’re going to be screwed next year though.

5th place, Benjamin Hendy & Dan Smith

Solid work from a solid pair

Could not be more middle of the road if they were white dashed lines. It’s only been two years, but they have the distinct whiff of Spurs about them – look good on paper, but come up short in the important* stuff.
Commish
Dan’s influence was keenly felt this year, I’m sure he did most of the good work – building from within was continued by trading picks for one of the league’s marquee players in Donald. Got screwed over by the situation in San Diego and Melvin Gordon. This was compensated for somewhat by the David Johnson and Conley/Hardy pickups which seem promising. Progress is slow but sure.
No comment

Just an average, unspectacular year. Just like their options at QB.

Unfortunate with some losses. Could / should have won more
Ultimately disappointing. Made a big play trading for Donald but still ended up in mid table obscurity like last year
Something just went wrong at Bomberman central. I feel Ben and Dan made good moves in the off-season, the draft and trades but it never came together. You might think I’m crazy to give them points given they finished in the same mid-table slot as last season but I agree with almost all their moves, I just think the devil had his way with them this season.
A fairly disappointing season, and look a bit mediocre going forward.

Another season of mid-table mediocrity will be disappointing. The great trade winner of 2015 though.

*Nothing about this is important.

6th place, with 9.5 points… Pete Conaghan (and Phil?)

Can’t even succeed at tanking.

The Dungeoneers are on the up! I mean, they’re still terrible but at least they’re in touch with the rest of the league now, which is an achievement in itself. Pete’s starting to get a couple of nice pieces in place and if he continues to play this shrewdly going forward it won’t be long before the Dungeoneers are up to the 9th best team in the league!
No comment
An unbelievable job to get the Dungeoneers to 5-8 given the absolute shower of shite he inherited.

Sorting out a pile of shit

No comment
Solid start to the rebuild, seems to be a sensibly managed team, more like the future Los Angeles Raiders, rather than his beloved Los Angeles Chargers.

Should really try to improve some terrible choices.

Pete deserves a point just for keeping the team afloat after Sex Waffle Gate’s legacy remains.
Probably deserves a point for taking easily the worst team in the league and making them at least vaguely mediocre.
No comment
Strong moves in the draft as well. I expect to see them at around .500 next year.

We all know Pete had an impossible job but he stuck to it admirably. He still sucked though.

7th place, Ben Archer & Dan Sayles

Are they tanking?

Blundered by trading for Hurns and then dropping him. Threw in the towel early with the Donald trade. and that also will take a few years to assess, but mid round picks probably won’t cut it in rebuilding their WR corps.
Trading away a great young player, and probably the best defensive player this season, in order to start a rebuild was… unusual.
Got lucky and went on a streak, don’t expect it to happen again

Amazing streak but that wasn’t just luck. Some choice picks. Well done!

I feel selling Aaron Donald was a step too far. He was a huge piece to build around and who knows whether having him around for the run in might have given the Brees that one extra win to get them to the playoffs again ahead of Kelkowski.
Rule book
Seemed to reach a little in the draft with Coleman, though he now seems decent value at that point.

Started remarkably given how poor their roster was. Fell down to earth eventually, still only just missed out on the playoffs though.

No comment
I gave them a point, then remembered the Williams / Randle trade, and took it off them again for wasting everyone’s time getting excited about a trade.
Thought they’d do better

Surprisingly low levels of shit. But still a bit shit.

Joint 8th place, David Slater

A reliably solid team. Front office needs some PR work

The big question was whether the lovable losers coach could coax a big year out of his ageing stars and escape the injury bug. The answer was not really, though some savvy pickups (James Jones. Dion Lewis) ameliorated the situation until they too got injured/ran out of steam. Larry Fitz’s totally unexpected season also hid some of the issues. D could use some work. Jameis was a good pick in the draft, though we’ll have to wait to see how the other picks develop.
Started so (surprisingly) well but injuries ultimately told and there was nothing Slatz could do to respond.

Ageing roster catching up with him

The only thing he can crow about this year is a winning record in his division, but given how bad Peter is it’s hardly worth shouting from the rooftops.
Best roster, best coach, someone must have cheated to stop them making the playoffs
Went old at the draft and did well with it, will slow down now as his team retires
To an extent, David’s lack of interest in defensive players and elderly skew in the auction came home to roost this season but he also had some pretty horrible luck with injuries. The Losers were never going to be the same force as last season but should probably have made the playoffs.

Hahahahahahahaha.

No comment
The league would be better if it was run to David’s highly specific standards. Then we would get the champions we deserve

Built his team in the draft to win now and hasn’t. Interesting to see where he goes from here.

=8th Place, Neil Hawke

Jesus, what the fuck went wrong here?

A spectacular fall from grace, but one that can’t wholly be laid at Neil’s feet. The strength of the division contributed a lot. Trading away two of his best three receivers, and blue chip ones at that, did him no favours
So very bad, and I’m very unsure about the win later moves he made towards the end of the year. A remarkable fall from grace for the champ.
No comment

Won it all

Neil’s going to win it a… Oh. Some slightly head-scratching trades saw Neil disassemble parts of his team that did very well lest season and other parts (OK, let’s just say ‘CJ Anderson’) disappointed horribly. The Demaryius trade was a good move I think, even if I feel Neil could have squeezed more value out of it.

First to worst? Impressive coaching

From first to worst. That’s what happens when you trade away your good players for shitty linebackers.
Some unusual trading behaviour has lead to a first to worst record. A rebuild wasn’t really necessary but underselling DT isn’t going to make it any easier.
Having won last year Neil clearly couldn’t be bothered and got what he deserved. Made some random trades.
A decent trade to start the year. But some turnaround.

I sucked this year

10th Place, Geoffrey Manboob

The Sadness remains. We can only pray for a better 2016/17 for them. Or as cannon fodder

Plenty of sadness in the Dynasty’s facility. Considering some of the players available for selection they really have fucked it all up.
Despite apparently pulling one of the biggest trade coups regular service resumed for the sadness.
No comment

I miss Mark

Much improved. There or thereabouts in Peter, because all the teams in Peter are a bit rubbish. They are no more or less rubbish than the others.

Almost competent. Maybe next year.

Very unlucky (lucky?) to have the first overall pick next year as their team was, if not good, certainly not the worst. They just seemed to meet other teams on good days and their perennial problems at QB persist.
Just never got going
A much stronger proposition than last season although I have to dock a point for that terrible Eddy Lacy trade. What a useless lump.
No comment

So very bad.

The 2015 NFL Season in Review

Highest High

FOOTBALL!!!

The emergence of Barnanaman & El Jaguar!
I actually really enjoyed watching Arizona and Carson Palmer. That and a few true break outs – Hopkins for example. Away from the field, Deflategate and Brady going nuts for revenge was pretty awesome
It seems like a season lacking proper highs so far to me. I did enjoy Antonio Brown’s crotch-first-into-the-goalpost celebration though. If anything was worth a 15 yard penalty it was that.
Brees throwing for 7 TDs adding another meaningless record to his incredible resume!

Mariota defeating Jameis the Rapist

Tbh, I haven’t had that much chance to watch very much this season. Rodgers‘ Hail Mary probably.
Rodger’s Hail Mary
Giants v Saints
Kirk Cousins’ reaction to the comeback win against the Buccs
Delvin Breaux giving every non-athlete a glimpse at what the NFL would be like.
That first Silver and Black W.

Drew Stanton’s celebration dance. Pricelessly awful

The Cardinals in general. Cammy-Cam and his ability to wind up Ben.

When the Pats lost their unbeaten record

Lowest Low

Greg Hardy….existing, playing, arguing….

Seeing Greg Hardy out there, still being a dick and still getting away with it.
Greg Hardy, just because.

The injury list, so many top players going down every week.

There are still a number of headhunters endangering themselves and others though what looks like sheer stupidity.
Lockett (Seahawks) lying motionless on field. I honestly thought he was dead.
Steve Smith Senior being carted off the field with that possible career ending injury. Sad times
Daltz getting injured. He was the AFCs only hope for striking down Brady and Bill.

Jameis the Rapist winning other games

The shamefully small amount that I’ve watched. And the decline of Peyton Manning was sad to see.
I know doesn’t count, but that OBJ stuff last weekend was pretty pathetic for all involved.
Everything to do with the Browns besides Barnanaman
The Lions performance at Wembley

The continued furore over Deflategate.

The NFL choosing to concentrate on one or two balls that were slightly underpumped to deflect away from concussions.
Tim endorsing his good friend Trump

Seeing Peytons noodle arm. Go home old man

What Needs to Change in the NFL?

The Commissioner

Roger Goodell
Roger Goodell

Work out what is or isn’t a catch.

What is a catch and when does he become a runner…. not change, just Define it and STICK TO IT
Decide what constitutes a catch and stick to it.
Some of the refs decisions, and even video replaying have been… dubious.
The whole disciplinary side of things (including penalties and replay review of them).
Speed the game up
More UK games!

Stop allowing the Patriots from winning by cheating

It’s difficult to say. A lot of the problems in the game are all interlinked and are beyond the scope of the NFL as an organization to change, being more rooted in culture. So I’ll just say ‘ban the cheating Patriots’ and leave it at that.

Get the Cowboys off the TV. Who is interested in watching these chumps?

Pick the Superbowl…

Seahawks and Bengals (a massive blowout). I hope it’ll be Panthers and Patriots though.

Seahawks v Pats

New England – Seattle, again. New England to win, again. Tim to shove the Lombardi up Goodell’s arse.
Bengals to beat the Cardinals
Either the Cardinals (who I think will be a better playoff team) or the Panthers, v the Bengals

Cardinals and Patriots

Cards over Pats – Cards or Panthers win is the right result. Pats winning is the wrong result. We’d all like to hear/read the phrase “Andy Reid, Super Bowl Champion” though.
Patriots v Cardinals – Cardinals to win
Patriots and Cardinals. Bloody Patriots will probably win it again.
Pats vs Cards – Pats win (if Gronk is fit)
Panthers Patriots…. Patriots I expect. Legally or otherwise…

Panthers v Broncos. Panthers to win.

Onwards! To The DynaBowl!

Best DynaBowl Moment

Has there been one? It’s been a fairly dull season.

The rookie draft was highly entertaining and filled in some time in the summer

Getting my trophy

For us, or me, was winning on the Monday night game, needing 35 points from A A Ron. Went to bed, woke up for work Tuesday, he’d scored 35.7 or something. I also like overcoming the doubters as we were never fancied and I’d said we be top 4… which we have
Matt Ryan having less points than Alex Smith, Tyrod Taylor (who was injured for 2 weeks), Fitzmagic and Kirk Cousins is pretty amusing.

Pummelling Slatz, after all the shit he was chatting.

David going off on one over some trade offer by Ben
David turning into possibly the worst team in the league.
The whole Demaryius Thomas trade and fallout thereof.
Chris and I both being away, ignoring Dynaharder, and coming out with a win.
Having the highest ever LBs weekly score
Me
It’s been a quiet year due to us being exhausted from the high-octane offseason. The draft was a lot of fun. The offseason may be more fun than the season actually.

The best thing is, it’s nearly over.

Worst DynaBowl Moment

As usual, bickering.

Bean and Slatz’ enduring bicker fest
The Slatz/Bean arguments. Particularly the one about trades.
A couple of coaches being antagonising over decisions rather than joining in consecutive dialogue isn’t great. That and the inability to reflect upon ones opinions, which are considered more factual that others.
David going on the long winning streak to open up the season.
The whole of the Brees Wide receiver corps

Pete’s constant refusal to learn how waivers work.

Eddie Lacy
Seeing 52 points left on the bench when Kawann Short exploded.
Nick Foles scoring 1.84 points on the only week I needed him, the absolute useless fucking cunt
The feeling I might be letting an otherwise capable GM down with my general lack of knowledge and experience.
99 – about 50 points less than my worst week last year.

Losing heavily and often early in the league.

DynaBowl MVP

=1. Carson Palmer – 3 votes
=1. DeAndre Hopkins – 3 votes
3. Cammy-Cam – 2 votes
=4. Aaron Donald – 1 vote
=4. El Jaguar – 1 vote

=4. Tony Romo (?!?) – 1 vote

DynaBowl Rookie of the Year

1. Todd Gurley – 6 votes
=2. Jameis Winston – 2 votes
=2. Marcus Peters – 2 votes
=4. Ronald Darby – 1 vote
=4. Amari Cooper – 1 vote

What will Ben and David have a big blowout argument about in the off-season that, when it comes down to it, they probably both agree on, but it won’t stop one or both of them flouncing out of the rules hangout because, dang it, they both just care so dang much?

Haha.

Free agency bids.
Some trade that is irrelevant and an argument based on semantics.
I think we have about 200 rules votes to come so there will be plenty to fall out about.

I care? I thought I just liked annoying Slatz

Who gets the 4th pick and the 5th pick. It could run all the way to the draft. Even though it’s completely meaningless really, both players will be undoubtedly shit.

Whichever rule David complains about next

Bean will be judgemental and NIMBY-ish about something incredibly banal but close to David’s heart, triggering a 32 on the flouncability index. It could be anything really.
Probably some arcane rule about punters
It’ll no doubt be over some tiny issue that would have given David 0.2 extra points at some time during the season.
Somebody forgetting to submit a rules change form by the correct deadline and whether we should be allowed to vote on it. Also, how long it takes the Rules Changes forum on the website (there’s a website?) to be updated.

Everything?

Any questions that should have been asked in this end of season poll?

Best defence. Best offence. It’s about the team not the individuals
Nope – good length Benji
I like that this is a required question.
I think this form is sufficiently exhaustive.
nope
Which woman/women would you most like to put in an elevator with Ray Rice?
What’s happened to mark?
n/a
Cut it back some more.
I don’t think so…??
Enough for now
What should I have called my child?

Which D-Bowl coach(es) do you feel most sorry for, owing to their choice of NFL team to support?

Chris/Rams x3

Pete/Chargers x 3

Steve Smith SnJrSr/Raiders x2

Geoff & Ian/Racists x 1

Mark/Pats x 1

David/Jets x1

Dan Sayles/Jets x1

How should we deal with expansion?

In the way that most incenses David x7

Do it. Sacrifice for the better enjoyment of many x1
I don’t know but we should do it NOW! Not having owners to take on the teams is no reason not to do it! x1
If we have sufficient owners, we should do it in the way set out in the rules. It seems to fuck everyone over equally. x1
In a calm and rational manner, the same way we deal with everything. x1

We’re not going to expand, no other poor bastard should be subjected to this x1

Did you hear about the Bills coach?

No, tell me more x9

[YAWN] x2

Yes x1

Which band (or solo artiste) that hasn’t yet had a huddle pun run is most deserving of one (or has the best back catalogue of songs to let such a pun run thrive)?

In no particular order:

Whitney Houston Texans.
A-Ha
JBJ – poor effort
Depeche Mode
Ja Rule
Queen
In honour of Status Quo (and the Bills Coach), we should just make one pun and repeat it, forever.
Depeche Mode (it’s always Depeche Mode)
:O
The Monkees
Grateful Dead
Morrissey
Springsteen

Finally, who will win the Inaugural Owl?

I have no idea, but will be a laugh finding out. [Was it though? Was it really?]

I think it will be a TT v Champions final. Champions winning by 50 points over 2 legs
I suspect that the champions of the sun will beat the Tamworth Two after jumping out to a big lead in the first week. Just a hunch. [This was definitely submitted in time][Definitely]

Maxxxxxxx – Tamworth Two

Champions of the Sun will defeat Tamworth Two.

Should be Champions v Dyna Harder but I’ve a feeling T2 might sneak it.

Chumps of the Sun vs Dyna Harder, Chumps to win
Dyna Harder to beat Champions of the Sun
Chris will win it in a tight affair against Kelkowski who will humiliate me in the semi finals this week.
Max will beat Chris. The two best teams. With the best team winning. Isn’t that how it always goes?
Max beats Kelkowski. Nobody ever sees the owl again.

Max