2014 DynaBowl COTY – The DynaBowl

2014 COACH OF THE YEAR

Place	Coach(es)	Team	Points
1st	Ian Kulkowski & Jay Kelly	Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules	38.5
2nd	Neil Hawke	DynaForOne Firebirds	26
3rd	Ben Archer & Dan Sayles	Here Comes The Brees	22
4th	David Slater	Dynasore Losers	20.5
5th	Benjamin Hendy & Dan Smith	Dynablaster Bombermen	12.5
6th	Pete Conaghan	East Flanders Flahutes	9.5
7th	Chris Braithwaite	Dyna Hard	6.5
8th	James Goodson & Mat Ward	The Tamworth Two	5
9th	Max Cubberley	Champions of the Sun	3.5
10th	Geoffrey Manboob	The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness	2

1st place, with 38.5 points… They said it couldn’t happen… they said if it did happen it would only be a sign of the impending apocalypse… it’s Ian Kulkoswki and Jay Kelly… It’s Kelkowski!

If the rules had ever been available, they’d have torn them up

Delighted for the boys.
Strong start, slumped then made the play offs. An enjoyable team to watch.
Amazing performance this year, the team chemistry must be just right.

Superb draft, superb depth. When i saw this team on paper i realised what a great job Ian did at the draw.

One of the best line ups, just a shame for some of their luck. Should’ve placed higher in the tables and definitely will be one of the tough teams for years to come.
Strong performance despite Jay not knowing who half their team was.

Were they the surprise team? They surprised me.

I think they were written off by many after the auction but they came sprinting out of the blocks. A late season stumble was corrected at the last. A good shout for the title.
Seem to have a budding bit of bromance on the go too. An unlikely coupling have worked very well together. In many ways the opposite of their playoff rivals The Brees

For two people who know very little, I think Ian and I have done pretty well.

This will be the only 0 Kelkowski will receive as I’m sure jay will flaunt the rules and give us 10 along the rest of the GM’s.
I don’t understand how that team has done so well. Coached the shit out of them.
2nd best team, winner of Tim (aka the thoroughly average division). Big points total, power ranked first for most of the first half of the season. It’s hard to see how this team stays strong in the future, Kelkowski is all about the win now.
Finally answered the eternal question about whether 2 mavericks can successfully manage a team in a league where they don’t understand the rules. Can you call people idiot savant and mean it as a compliment? I just did.
Kelkowski have endured a blip recently but the strength of their squad got them through to the playoffs with the record high score.

A perfect match as co-GMs, in that they’re both massive cunts.

2nd place, with 26 points… If winning it all includes the COTY, he’s not going to win it all… it’s Neil Hawke

Neil’s going to WIN IT ALL!

Excellent auction, good strong team. Three strong QBs for naff all. Two excellent cheap RBs. TY Hilton for sod all. An expensive and fairly shit D.
Love that QB roster
A point for his consistency.
Would surely have walked away with a division title if not stuck in the strongest section.

Will WIN IT ALL

Strong contender come play-off time. Beer trolley on Fridays in work. It’s all coming up Hawke.
A great season for the birds,finished well with some consistent heavy scoring to make the playoffs on head to head record over the bombermen. Strong throughout the roster will be a real threat in the playoffs.

Stunning performance making the playoffs, and no doubt winning it all.

Position by points scored in the league – week 1 – 10th, 2 – 6th, 3 – 6th, 4 – 9th, 5 – 1st, 6 – 5th, 7 – 3rd, 8 – 5th, 9 – 1st, 10 – 4th, 11 – 6th, 12 – 1st. Something happened between weeks 4 and 5 that turned his season on it’s head. I call for mandatory drug testing!
Neil is going to win it all, but he’s not been the best coach this year so he’s not getting the most points. he’s got a fair chunk though.

He’s going to win it all.

Strong first season, playoffs baby!!

He’s going to win it all!

3rd place, with 22 points… Ben Archer and Dan Sayles

Great Gomez song. Shit fantasy team.

A pair of true gentlemen. Class personified.
Done well with not great players. Good RB pick ups. An interesting dynamic between the two GMs.
Decent draft (considering one side was hamstrung by the pother in terms of buying saints players) and hammered their way into the playoffs despite the largest injury list in the league. COACHED THE SHIT OUT OF THE TEAM!
They didn’t cut Ray Rice until after the Ravens did… more cunty than the Ravens and Roger Goodell? That’s not for me to say, but it’s certainly a strong effort. 4 points for making the playoffs, -1 point for moaning about injuries every week, -2 points for Ray Rice.
There may have been some help being in Peter but Bean and Dan have had to cope with IR every week and still come through with clutch wins and are only getting stronger as we approach the playoffs.

Great job getting to the playoffs, which I attribute entirely to Dan; Bad job on the team name, which I attribute entirely to Ben

Done a brilliant job and an injury free season. What, they’ve had injuries? Bean hasn’t mentioned it… Look very strong going forward.
Very lucky v us in the D Bowl. We had a donut on Jonas Gray and with our usual team would have beat them, made the play offs. The rest is history.
Despite a few wobbles and horrendous injuries, The Brees has been a solid unit and a deserved high placing.
Hit by injuries and still made the playoffs, like Arsenal struggling to 4th every year with a full treatment room. I have no idea how the working dynamic… well… works. I couldn’t say who deserves these points most. Let’s say neither and be done with it.
Constantly trying to tank by injuring all their players doesn’t work when you have Andrew Luck
They had a strong strategy coming into the draft which unbelievably omitted a cut price Drew Brees. Not the highest scorers and benefited from the lowest points against but scrapped into the playoffs with some good wins at the end despite suffering badly with injuries.
Stayed strong in the face of endless stat attacks from David and also Dan probably deserved an extra point for coping with the Drew Brees superfan all year.
They’ve done well to be where they are considering the ridiculous number of injuries they’ve suffered. I guess you could say that means they drafted poorly on players made from glass. They get an extra point for beating David this week after he chatted so much shit in the run up to the games.

I couldn’t comment fairly.

4th place, with 20.5 points… David Slater

A solid auction strategy that paid off as well as expected this year. Put together a very good defence on a shoe-string. The next few years will be the acid test.

Quality team building to put together a win now team that won’t be irrelevant in the next few years either. If he was a manager, he’s be Tom Coughlin, standing in the hotel lobby with pursed lips making sure the players are not contravening the dress code. Good manager though.
Probably had the best draft (for this season) but still finished on the same record as the rest of the play off teams….coached the shit into his team?
A man who sees limping in to first place in the weakest division as the crowning glory of his fantasy career. Exceeded low expectations but expected to regress towards his talent level next year.

It really, really hurts me to say this but he put together a good roster

An awesome team, well managed. Shame about the coaches attitude sometimes
The indisputable number 1 seed until he ended the season losing 3 on the bounce. Built a win-now team and will be disappointed if he doesn’t go all the way. The fact that he couldn’t turn that into a 10 win season has gone against him, but he’s the top scorer in the league. Needs to learn how to have a civil discussion about matters rather than blundering in like Miley Cyrus on a Wrecking Ball.
Do I really need to say why he didn’t get more points than this?

You can’t argue with where he finished the regular season. Well, you can, but he’d only hammer you with a wall of text and SlatzStatz until you succumbed to either death or agreement.

Slatz deserves credit for assembling the best team, especially without having Peterson all season. But his team doesn’t have much in the way of future talent.
Slatz went into the auction with a surprisingly basic strategy of focusing on offence and current performance and was unsurprisingly competitive. The end of season slump will be a concern though.
Superb current team, but a lot of age and very little upside from the season after next. Has a steal in Borland.
It’s David.

Statistics will prove that this is the greatest franchise ever. All proposed changes to the league are clearly being done to weaken him

5th place, with 12.5 points… Benjamin Hendy & Dan Smith

Knowlege of the rules clearly helps

I don’t think Bendy and Smiddy would have expected to make the playoffs this year given their auction strategy so to miss out so narrowly has to be considered an overachievement. For the record though, this point is just for Bendy, not for Smiddy. I hate that guy.
A team of plodding mediocrities. Spending big on Bernard and Ellington looks questionable.
Ben juggled both running the auction and drafting the team manfully but the bombermen’s roster may have suffered as a result. Some good pickups post auction helped and they came so close to making the playoffs in the tough Tim division eventually losing out to Neil on the head to head record.

Shit QBs. Great rookie WRs

Solid season, must look to improve. Solid interaction, looking to deal and move people on etc.
We are the best!
Two good men with whom we did our only trade this season. They are inoffensive in almost every way. Except for their love of plaid lumberjack shirts.
3 points for The Commish.
Expected the B’Men to go much further in their inaugural season. But definitely one of the teams to watch
Came close considering a lot of the pieces are rookies and this team seems mainly built for the future. I did originally give this team a point, and I do sort of think they deserve one, but Pete deserved it more in the end.
The 2nd best Ben and Dan combination. Set up to fail just based on being compared to their superior namesakes. A pleasure to trade with tho.
Excellent monopolisation of the rookies. Looks like the WR’s this year will make it so that’s good for them in the future. A little bit too much spent on potential though.

Slightly better than average, just missed out on the playoffs despite one of the stronger drafts and having literally written the rules!

6th place, with 9.5 points… Pete Conaghan (and Phil?)

Bloody Phil, the man needs to get his head out of a child waffle sex dungeon and get back to coaching…..not that his team were much good when he was managing them

Unfortunately absent at the auction then mysteriously absent for th rest of the season it was a difficult start for the flahutes franchise. Pete has now stepped in and has steadied the ship.
Amazingly did not finish last. Finished the season strongly with 2 victories.
It started really badly for Phil and it got worse. A lot worse.
Pete deserves something for turning around the smouldering wreck of a team that he took over.
Looking forward to learning the ins and outs over next season!

To build a competitive team off waivers, after being left with one of the worst possible teams by a disaster draft… Outstanding work. Can we replace him with someone less competent?

Great job by Pete to save something here and real shame Phil couldn’t keep it up.
Worked a minor miracle getting the team to win. At least there were lots of chargers on the waiver wire
Would give a point for Pete’s recovery effort.
Pete probably deserves some points just for taking on the challenge of running the Flahutes (soon to be renamed?). However, he’s not getting any. He’s managed to stumble to 5 wins, which is more than any thought possible. Seems to have a strange dislike for RBs (only rostering 5?) while hoarding 7 DEs and 8 CBs. I can only assume he caught his mother in bed with a RB in his youth.
A fine job stepping in by Pete even if Benj wants to remove his name from the question above and confuse him with Phil. I
Managed not to come last despite picking up an absolute shambles of a team.
Started badly, got worse, and then Pete beautifully steered the ship in the vague direction of mediocrity. Strong coaching, shite team.

Pete is fantasy power house

7th place, with 6.5 points… Chris Braithwaite

Very strong from week to week. Not sure how he’s lost so many games.

Not a great year, but I think he drafted well and this will stand him in good stead for the years to come.
Failed to reach the playoffs but hopefully the addition of Steve will improve their chances next year
A strong auction as you would expect from Chris but the season didn’t quite live up to expectations. Although dyna hard is in it for the long haul so will be competitive in future seasons. Lost to both MANGBOOB & the ghost of Phil which is unacceptable.
Despite seemingly putting together a good roster, and scoring lots of points, any goodwill is negated by them getting first pick in the draft.
Love that he’s trying to offload Jamaal Charles

I’d give him minus points, if possible. I assume it’s meant as a Die Hard reference, but to me it just sounds like he’s talking about his cock.

Finishing bottom of Tim despite a .551 all play record deserves the pity point.
Chris has clearly been unlucky – second top scorer in Tim but nothing to show for the season. Constantly trying to sell Jamaal Charles showed he had no faith in his auction strategy. The second worst efficiency in the league was perhaps his let down. Likely to be a force going forwards.
Rubbish. Maybe the addition of Steve will bring a spark of life to this doomed franchise.
Tough luck on some match ups. Team deserved more.
Not entirely sure how Chris didn’t make the playoffs given his points total, and having three entries for fantasy MVP. Still, he’d only have lost in the opening round anyway. Gets a bonus point for cornering the vitally important punter market.
Damned handsome.
Unlucky to finish so low after a strong start but now he gets the number one draft pick so screw that guy.

At least they’ve JJ Watt

8th place, with 5 points… James Goodson and Mat Ward

Studs and duds strategy backfires when the studs play like duds.

The second best team in Peter who I guess got screwed by the schedule. A good auction was followed by a solid season that, if a few things had gone their way, could have resulted in a playoff slot. Both GMs are solid and, in many ways, an ideal pairing. Both have a sensible, rational position and are a joy to negotiate with.
A solid effort worthy of a point.

Nicest guys in the league. 2 points.

Thought they would do better, but expecting good things to come
Solid and unspectacular. Except for the money spent on Aaron Rodgers.
T2 were my preseason favourites for the owl but never quit reached the expected heights in what was ultimately a disappointing season. Toby Gerhart was a terrible purchase.
It feels like I should give Mat and James a point because otherwise I’m saying they did as badly as the Peach Shadow. I don’t have any though so that’s unfortunate.
Toby. Gerhart. Apart from that they’ve been pretty good, certainly better than their results. Unlucky that they kept on coming up against massive scores.
3rd in the weakest division?
Surprised that TT did not do as well, deserved more.
Genuinely let down by Gerhart, Crabtree and V Jacks early on, the defence bailing us out on a few occasions. Had a three week spell which cost us but in the main, did relatively well. Lost 3 of the most expensive defensive players to injury on our roster meant some risk on the blind bidding.
So so unlucky

Toby Gerhart…

9th Place, with 3.5 points… Max Cubberley

I think Max had one of the worst drafts, and it has come back to haunt him.

Amazed at the final record, something must have gone badly wrong at the Champions. Some of that is being in the tougher Div of course, but let’s ignore that.
Insert witty self-referential comment here.
Must be disappointed with this, but COTS will improve.

Too busy with other commish duties to adequately perform in the Dynabowl. I hope that’s the reason anyway or he’s an awful manager.

A disappointing season. After putting up the top score in week one, couldn’t find the consistency to take that forward. Obviously the money spent on Ben Tate and Navarro Bowman didn’t help him and Le’Veon Bell had to cover up a multitude of sins at RB, but there are some positive pieces moving forward, particularly on defense.
Utterly forgettable season. Mike Evans and Le’Veon Bell provide hope for the future, but there’s not much to like about the squad, unlike the manager.
Max is lovely. His team is mediocre.
Inconsistent. Unlucky to lose, lucky to win on a number of occasions.
Max bucked the trend in the auction by going for a paper based strategy but nevertheless ended up with a strong team. An up and down season which included 4 of the top 25 scores but 2 of the lowest 25 finished 4th overall top scorer but missed out in a tough Tim division having easily the highest points against.
no comment
NaVarro Bowman, great value
You would think I wouldn’t give my nemesis anything but he gets one point. But it is a pity point so he shouldn’t go feeling too happy about it.

I like Max

10th Place, with 2 points… Geoffrey Manboob

Made a shit purse from a sow’s ear.

Awful, really, how can you do worse than Phil who wasn’t even at the draw.
Where are the boxes for negative points?
Appears to be playing the long game, admittedly without many great long term pieces.
Can minus points be given out? To be bad in one league is kind of acceptable but two?

Manboob’s Dynabowl started with Cam Newton and went downhill from there. Easily the lowest scorer over the season (lower than Phil who is probably dead) but could not even secure the first pick in next seasons draft due to a 3 point victory over Chris.

This season was about as successful as Cam Newton’s, which is apt seeing as Newton was bought when he wasn’t even wanted.
no comment
For making everyone else feel better about themselves.
Good at guessing results, shit at drafting a team
So much promise, so little delivery. Peach Shadow will rise again

The Doctor is in the house, Mangboobitis might be terminal however.

Finishing below Phil has to be a lowpoint in the life of Mr Manboob. I hope he takes the offseason to think long and hard about how he is going to change things over there at the Dynasty of Sadness. How about those safeties, eh?
Poor production from almost his entire D was not helped by the motley crew at running back. Mediocre.
I like Manboob. I can’t believe he’s recruited the Doctor.

The 2014 NFL Season in Review

The Best of the NFL

The demise of Tom Brady

Derek Carr, 9 yards TD, James Jones, first win of season.
The rookie wide receivers have been pretty great, I guess this goes to The Catch by Captain Hamstring
Raiders getting their first win was nice.
The Falcons realising they hadn’t won at Wesley when the lions got to retake the field goal they’d missed because of their own penalty. Awesome / bizarre finish.
Browns beating the Saints

Patriots getting smashed by KC was sweet too.

The Leah Stills jersey selling so much. Not related to the actual game but this seems to be the year that the NFL really became about more than the game.
Romo injuring his back so Branden Weeden went head to head against Colt McCoy in the battle of the best Browns QBs ever. The world somehow didn’t end either
OBJ’s catch. Obviously.
Rams 52, Raiders 0. Or Stedman Bailey’s punt return.
Probably watching all the rookie receivers tearing it up. Looks like a special draft class.
The Ram’s fake fair catch return v Seattle. That game was pretty awesome in general including the fake punt, especially against the Superbowl holders.
Big Ben’s twelve TD run in two games. Awesome.

TFB shoving it down everyone’s throats, week after week, following the KC game. Not really a ‘moment’, by any kind of immediate definition, but, still… tremendous.

Things that were not the best of the NFL… BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT THE NFL…

Finishing on top of Tim was also a high point for us. Being on top of something as hard as Tim is so much better than being inside of Peter.
Beating Slatz in week 13 after all his smack talk!
Probably, the start that Kelkowski made to the season. 4-0 and then 5-1 after 6 weeks. Not too shabby for a couple of guys who were the butt of all jokes coming into the season.

The Worst of the NFL

The Jets. You can also put this in for 2015 in advance.

All the kiddy and wife beating. Shame on nuh [‘nuh’? Who or what is ‘nuh’?]
Lets just go with the entire clusterfuck of a first couple of weeks when Roger Goodell lost control of everything.
Far be it from me to get all serious but there have been a number of disgraceful incidents that could easily qualify. Keeping it on the field though, probably the sorry John Abraham incident.

Raiders 0, Rams 52.

Preseason where star players were seemingly trying to outdo each other in the bad behaviour stakes. Took attention away from the real build up and left a bad taste in the mouth
On the field, anything involving the Bengals in a prime time game or any team in the NFC South.
Ray Rice, AP, the Packers losing to the Saints… take your pick.
The week after [the Raiders first win of the season]
Ray Rice’s hit video, Adrian Peterson’s switch hitting and Greg Hardy’s Bed o’ Guns.
Also, the Raiders, generally.

NE at KC, MNF.

Not the NFL…

Losing to Slatz in week 10 after all his smack talk.
Losing to either Slatz or Manboob.

Sort of the NFL…

Being pleased to be playing Larry Donnell as the Giants destroyed Washington on TNF before realising that I was against Eli Manning that week

What Needs to Change in the NFL?

Roger Goodell

This is a heavy start! I don’t know enough about it to answer this really.
Longer season, more games, and especially in London.
The Polian/Peyton Rules were nonsense at the time (2005-ish?). We’re, what, ten years on now? It’s gotten so much worse. Some of us thought protecting receivers might ruin the sport back then? It’s crazy now. ‘Illegal Contact’? LOLZ. It’s a joke. Might as well just ban open-field tackles while we’re at it. Or maybe ban defense altogether? Just have a ‘live’ 6 or 7 man front, then 4 or 5 rubber DB dummies that the D-Coordinator can set in position before each play? Then ‘geniuses’ like Peyton can throw around them? There’s a certain skill to that, I guess… GOAT.
The Commissioner. Or if you want to be more specific, the handling of players who are up for criminal charges so they are dealt with in line with the way it was agreed they’d be dealt with.
Consistent policy on domestic violence, racism and generally bad things that happen.

Roger Goodell

Its suspension policy
Now that they have completely fixed everything that is wrong with the Pro Bowl, it is time to move on to the disciplinary system.
Remove the goalposts and replace with a circle to kick the ball through. A la Quidditch. And add broomsticks. And a snitch.
Commissioner. Other than him, tiebreakers… If the Broncos and Patriots are tied, then the Patriots will end up playing at home in a potential AFC Championship match as a result of beating them earlier in the year… at home. If home advantage is so great (and it is), then head-to-head record shouldn’t apply unless teams have played each other twice. Or at the least it should be much further down the list of breakers than it currently is.
Its commissioner.
There’s a strong case for making the executives (Goodell) more accountable, but I’d have to go with better enforcement of concussion protocols. There have been players let back on the field with concussions that the refs and spotters have missed.

Roger Goodell

Not the NFL!!

Slatz? we need a gag order

Pick the Superbowl…

Packers vs Patriots – Patriots win

The #1 seed. It’s hard to see anyone in the AFC winning at Foxborough or Mile High. The wildcard in this division might be the Ravens, who are only 2 years removed from winning on the road in the playoffs in both of these places. I’ll go with the Pats, because I think they’re less likely to lose one of their last 4 and have the tie-breaker over Denver.
Seattle are coming good at the right time, are a game out of first place in the NFC (and play the Iggles this week, to tie up their records). They have a tie-breaker over the Packers and if they end up with 2 home games and a trip to Lambeau, you’d not back against them in any of those.
If that’s the SB then Seattle will trash the Patriots, Lynch will run wild and I very much look forward to watching Gronk try and smash his way through Chancellor and likely put himself on the IR.
Packers over Patriots, is what it should be but how often do the two best teams make it? Except last year. I’ll go for some kind of miracle of Colts over Eagles.
Seahawks – Pats. Pats win 28-17

Broncos v Packers – Packers win.

Eagles and Patriots
I’d like to see Packers – Pats in the Owl. Hopefully it’ll be a win for TFB over Adam.
Pats and Packers with the Packers winning.
Brady and Rodgers. No teams, just them…
Packers and Pats. Pats are going to win it.
Very hard to call. Pats, Indy, Ravens in the AFC? Hawks, Eagles, GB in the NFC? I’m going to be a homer and say Pats v Eagles… but Eagles win by a score. I don’t know why I said that. I haven’t really thought it through. The little I’ve watched of Philly this year, they’ve been mostly average.
Green Bay and New England, I guess……New England to win
Packers V Patriots seems predictable, but the Packers are due their annual defensive meltdown. So let’s go with Philly V New England. And never bet against Bill when he’s not playing the Giants.
Packers / colts
I was going to say Cardinals, but now they’ve lost Palmer, i think it will e Packers v Pats.

Patriots vs Green Bay – Patriots to win

Onwards! To The DynaBowl!

Who won the auction?

Jay & Ian x3
David x3
Neil x3
Chris x2
Phil x2
Geoffrey
James & Mat

Best Bargain

JJ Watt

JJ Watt was a bargain at any price.
JJ Watt despite the massive price- because everybody else on D is so inconsistent, he’s worth more than an offensive piece. Though Luck is amazing…I don’t really remember anything about the auction.
NaVarro Bowman…
For us it was probably one of our defensive players. Eversen or Ware.
For me: Eddie Royal. A steal and solid work over the season. For others: Josh Gordon (in the long run)
Odell Beckham, Jr.

Martavis Bryant. I’d buy that for a dollar. Unfortunately, Chris did. Second would be OBJ.

Justin Forsett
Justin Forsett
Forsett!
Steve Smith Sr was a great pickup for a dollar, and was parleyed into Keenan Allen, so that was good.
This season? DeMarco Murray. For future seasons Jeremy Hill looks great.
Jeremy Maclin
Emmanuel Sanders
Jeremy Maclin. Emmanuel Sanders is pretty close too.

There’s a lot of defensive players who look a bargain: Marks is the 3rd best DT and costs $3 dollars this year; Hughes, Ware and Griffen cost $1, $2 and $1 this year and rank 3rd, 4th and 5th at DE; Barwin and Kerrigan cost $2 and $1 and rank 2nd and 3rd at LB; 6 of the top 7 CBS cost $1 or $2 and only 1 of the top 17 safeties cost double figures.
But since they’re hard to predict and there’s so many of them, I’m more inclined to call an offensive player a bargain. On that side of the ball, there’s not that much value at RB and QB’s who weren’t drafted as starters are cheap as chips, so WR has been the best place for a bargain: Golden Tate $7 for 4 years for the 12th best receiver is a great deal; Sanders $11 for 4 years for the 5th best receiver is also great, but is also one of mine, so I’m not sure I should include it.

Biggest Waste of Money

Adrian Peterson

Has to be AP
Adrian Peterson
For others: AP. Bust
So many choices. Adrian Peterson is an obvious choice, but that was just bad luck for Slatz. So Navorro Bowman this year, probably Toby Gerhart long term.
Toby Gerhart, Michael Crabtree, Cam Newton, Colin Kaepernick
Cam Newton. Although Phil Taylor is up there….I am terrified of dropping him though, because Phil must know something, right?
The Raiders “veterans” programme

Navarro Bowman is the obvious one, but I’m going to plump for Cor! Darelle Patterson.

I think I’ve already won this one (though it’s too early IMO to call Navorro Bowman a waste of money) but putting that aside it’s probably Toby Gerhart. There’s a few candidates but I can’t say any way he’ll ever be worth anything like what he’s costing. At least guys like Ball and Martin are young enough to do well yet.
There’s a few running backs in contention. Ben Tate & Montee Ball look a bit steep but the winner is the muscle hamster.
Doug Martin.
Zac Stacy
For Kelkowski, Zac Stacy.

This is a three-way tie: Doug Martin is now a back-up in Tampa Bay. He’s on $40 for 4 years. Toby Gerhart has broken both of Goody’s teams. He’s on $30 for 3 years to be the 5th man on a 4 man committee in Jacksonville. Montee Ball was never worth $40 for 4 years either. AP gets an honourable mention as he spent all but week 1 on the sideline for non football reasons, but he may well come back and earn some of his $56 a year in the future. I don’t see that happening to any of the others.

Best DynaBowl Moment

Only two people got this one right, and one of them shoved it to one side. I’m very disappointed in the rest of you. And me, because I got it wrong too… The right answer was…

The unveiling of the trophy.

But I suppose the next few are correct too…

Besides the obvious grand reveal of the OWL our 6-1 start was quite enjoyable! And I suppose the auction was alright in a wired 9 blokes in a small sweaty room kind of way.
The insanity that was the auction.
The draft [It wasn’t a draft – I think this must have come from someone who wasn’t there? Is Phil still alive?]
The Auction day!
The auction. Cracking day.

Then there were those who relished their own team’s performances…

Winning the hearts and minds of the DynaBowl faithful and becoming the people’s favourite for victory. Remember, a victory for Kelkowski is a victory for all that is good in the universe. [That’s unfortunate…]
Probably that opening week win against the Bombermen. It was all downhill from there but getting the biggest opening score and winning a tight contest was quite exciting.
The Dynablaster Bombermans surprise run to still be relevant in the playoff hunt in the final week of the season.
The Brees beating D-Slatz

Followed by my favourite, the most heartwarming tale…

Being accepted as co-manager.

And finally, a rag-tag bunch to end with…

D Slatz rainman breakdown. [Fun Fact! The first time I read this as breakdance]
Tough one. The expansion chat was lively.
Captain Hamstring

Phil being locked in a sex dungeon and letting me run his team. *Hides key, whistles*

Worst DynaBowl Moment

No idea!

A couple of themes did develop in this one…

Phil’s disappearance
It was sad that things didn’t work out for Phil
Phil being locked in a sex dungeon and letting me run his team.
The untimely sexwaffle/dungeon related death of Phillip D Malcom Esq. Taken too soon. Also, losing to Slatz or Manboob.

That leads nicely into results orientated despair…

2 players going down with injuries celebrating Sacks…..both on The Brees! fricking idiots…..

[After winning big in week one] The subsequent mauling by Kelkowski that ruined the fun.
Our first loss – to MANGBOOB of all people as the result of me not sticking our new punter in the lineup
The odds of Slatz being first to get his greasy mitts on it [The Owl].
Alternating between scoring 200 points and 130 points every week. Or Bendy never having got around to actually putting the rules up on a website for us to look at.

And a general moment of clarity…

Realising that the D bowl will swallow my sanity whole.

And then it’s all best left forgotten…

All the crazy opinions and rule discussions. Too much.
D Slatz rainman breakdown.
Trying to work out how expansion of the league would work
Discussions about cheats, loopholes and exploits. There’s no need for all the bluster, we can discuss this like adults.

Best of the Huddle

We’ve talked shit for a year – did any of it stick?

Can’t remember anything about the huddle. Literally nothing. Maybe Sit the fuck down, bitch!

The days I’ve been too busy at work to pay attention to it… [Truth! Though I have read every word.]

Anytime Max and Mangboob do some drunken huddling

There are loads of little jokes that really make me laugh, but I can’t remember any. Instead I’m going to go with huddling with Phil (RIP) at the auction to pick players for his team. It worked so smoothly.
I need to build the archive….
REDBLACKS!
Probably the stuff with the Toronto Raptors mascot. Mesmerising

Mark unable to see that Tim Brady is nothing more than an adequate game manager. The poor man’s Alex Smith

Any flounce.
Any time Slatz flounced because he didn’t like proposed rule changes.
Dave continually being shown up as understanding all-but-nothing about the sport. Slatz-Wallz (of text). Terrible. So bad. A massive bereavement, sports-chat wise, (though I love the man, as a friend). But when will he learn to just stop talking like his word is gospel? It’s not. It’s ridiculous. STOP.
Erm… I need to make notes from now on. Slatz flounce following the debate about expansion was quite dramatic
D Slatz rainman breakdown.
Seeing Slatz reaction to getting a tie one week opinion c bowl. Priceless.
It’s all golden…except that day…..you know the one I mean.

Speaking of…

The Tom Brady Picture Incident

The Huddle Nadir

I said we all knew what this would be… It turns out about 90% of us did…

I’m not actually sure which event this is meant to refer to. [Really??]
Not sure on this one. [Really?

N/A. If the Brady pics win this, I’ll be raging.

Tim Brady pictures – Such a fucking poser
The day we killed it with beefcake pictures. But also Slatz’s flounce during rule discussion.
Those QB pictures
Naked QBs. And not the Lingerie Bowl
The Quarantine room
The Tom Brady Picture Incident
The photos of Tim et al that led to the incineration of one huddle and the start of a new one.
QUARANTINE!
Nothing stands out. I didn’t mind the sexy pics… [Really??]

My memory has been wiped. Happy place

Squabbling
Any Monday morning spoiler.

DynaBowl MVP

1. JJ Watt – 8 votes
=2. Andrew Luck – 2 votes
=2. DeMarco Murray – 2 votes
=2. Marcel Dareus – 2 votes
5. Aaron Rodgers – 1 vote

DynaBowl Rookie of the Year

1. Mike Evans – 6 votes
2. Kelvin Benjamin – 4 votes
=3. Odell Beckham Jnr – 2 votes
=3. Aaron Donald – 2 votes
5. Chris Borland – 1 vote

Best Team Name

You guys are all dicks…

1. The 4th Dynmension: The Dynasty of Sadness – 6 votes [I think my abbreviating the name might have helped]
2. Kelkowski Don’t Play By No Dyna Rules – 3 votes
=3. Dyna Hard – 2 votes
=3. Champions of the Sun – 2 votes
=5. Dynasore Losers – 1 vote
=5. East Flanders Flahutes – 1 votes
=5. DynaForOne Firebirds – 1 vote

Worst Team Name

But I suppose you’re not that bad…

1. Here Comes The Brees – 6 votes
=2. Champions of the Sun – 3 votes
=2. DynaForOne Firebirds – 3 votes
4. East Flanders Flahutes – 2 votes
=5. Dyna Hard – 1 vote
=5. The Tamworth Two – 1 vote

What do you think of the team names?

Too many puns [that was, partially, the idea…]

Full name of the Dynasty of Sadness wasn’t on the form. Should have been The 4th Dynmension: The Dynasty of Sadness [It’s a fair cop, guv]
The 4th Dynmension: Dynasty of Sadness is strong but loses points for being a sequel to his C-Bowl team name.
Ben chose ours. Although it has grown on me, like a fungus. [But which Dan said this? I genuinely don’t remember]
Dynasty of Sadness would be great without the bit before the colon. Same goes for the owner.
Will bean have to change his and Dan’s team name when the Saints cut Drew this summer?
There should have been a vote on best avatar. David would have won that. Neil’s team name starts so well…

DynaForOne is a strong start for a dynasty pun but then the weird addition of ‘Firebirds’ just kind of ruins it. Still, at least he didn’t steal his name from an interview I read somewhere (note: those interviews should probably be collated on a website). That Brees name is poor.

Appalling all round.
I voted for Neil’s as the worst one because I don’t even get it. Mike’s is clearly the best as it’s both amusing and relevant.

Time for the Flahutes to rebrand.

They don’t play football on the sun so how can you be the champions of it? What a jerk.

And finally, somebody gets it…

We are stuck with these names for ever

Any feedback for the Commish or the league as a whole?

I agree with most of you…

It was all brilliant. The Commissioner for King!

It would be great if there was somewhere that we could find all the tools we need to make our league better. That aside, I think The Commissioner has done a great job and I’d like to thank him for all the hard work he has put in to making the season a success.
More emails about changes to the league/rules giving people plenty of time to come up with suggestions…
THE commissioner sees all, hears all and knows all. I don’t think he ever sleeps just lives and eats dynabowl.

He should grow some hair, then apply for Goodell’s job.

Overscoring on Ints and Fumbles. Mainly as we lost to them on 3 weeks, including a 40 point effort one week. But it’s been ran superbly. A lot of credit due. Just a shame a website wasn’t around to cover rules and issues we regularly had to raise in the huddle.
Needs to work out how to send emails
Congratulations on a great first season Benj. Top job.
Excellent commish work; very hard to set up and run. Well done Bendy.

It’s all good.

A couple of small changes to points scoring (DPI yardage for receivers / rbs / TEs and remove return yardage from interceptions, or add it to everything else) would be good. I’m not sure what a website would add. Some post-season awards for other, non-voted, things: The Sean Payton/Rex Ryan Award for the team with the biggest difference between offense and defense (depending on which way round); The Tim Tebow Award for the team going to the post-season with the worst QB; The TFB Award for being the best average point scorer you could be; The Alex Smith award for being the most efficient manager [Who’s to say some of those aren’t forthcoming?]
The whole thing is brilliant. A lot of hard work went into this and it’s much appreciated. I think I have communicated all my thoughts on tweaks to the system but overall it was a very good first season.
No it was great, thanks a lot!

However, I think this one comment sums up everyone’s feelings better than anything else…

I think it’s all a little too simplified.

Any questions that should have been asked in this end of season poll?

Too many questions, less is more

First of all, fuck you. Second of all, you play in the DynaBowl and you think less is more? Is this really the right league for you?

Apparently I have to write in this box.

Luckiest; Best offence; Best defence.
Maybe do the voting after the playoffs next year. [Actually, there’s a reason not to do that – otherwise coach of the year is basically just whoever won the thing. Likewise there’s a risk that season MVP becomes the player who scored the most in the final or something. That’s my thoughts anyway. The Chatterbowl COTY was always end of the regular season. ‘Til Max ruined it]
Surprise or surprise moment of the season?
What is everyone’s least favourite thing about Max?
Best avatar, but it’s a bit late for that now.
What shoe size are you?
We needs a GFY award

Is anyone capable of setting up a website for the rules?

I did not see that coming.

Finally, who will win the Inaugural Owl?

There were 6 possible finals. Not everyone picked a full final, some just picked the winner, but hey-ho. Let’s see how many of the 6 possible finals were picked by the league at large…

Dynasore Losers vs Kelkowski
5 votes, with 2 siding with David and 3 with Kelkowski (though one only in hope). There was one assertion of Vegas siding with David and the sentimental favourite causing an upset, while one person said Adrian Peterson would be back to edge it in David’s favour.

Dynasore Losers vs Here Comes The Brees
2 votes, only one deigned to name a victor and thy name was David.

Dynasore Losers vs DynaForOne Firebirds
No votes

Kelkowski vs Here Comes The Brees
No votes

Kelkowski vs DynaForOne Firebirds
3 votes, 2 for Kelkowski winning and this little peach…

Jesus! How many times?! Neil is going to WIN IT ALL! He’ll narrowly beat Kelkowski in an all Tim final that asserts our dominance as a division.

And the actual final, DynaForOne Firebirds vs Here Comes The Brees…
2 votes, with one vote for each team winning. Whoever those two people were can feel pretty good about themselves. I don’t remember what my answer was so let’s assume it was Neil to beat Ben and Dan and be done with it, hey?

In addition, I received the following three comments for this question…

Neil,will win it all!
Kelkowski

My maths isn’t good enough to work it out right now.

2014 COACH OF THE YEAR

The 2014 NFL Season in Review

Onwards! To The DynaBowl!

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